This is an article that I posted in my social media platforms, but one that I know the men on my subscriber list may find very helpful. So here it is:
Sometimes relationships break apart without us even knowing it.
It’s very common for men to not even understand why it happened for years to come after these relationships end.
Hi everyone, My name is Suzanne.
I’ve seen many relationships fall apart quickly with the partners getting hurt because of preventable problems they could have avoided with just a few small changes.
In life, many of us desire to have a meaningful partnership with someone special. We find ourselves in a wonderful relationship and for some time it is working out great…and then something seems to change, yet we are not really sure what that thing may be.
Before we know it, that person we used to have a great life with is no longer the person we fell in love with, and things start to fall apart fast.
That’s why I wanted to share 3 things that destroy relationships.
No one is perfect, and no one is without their idiosyncrasies. That being a given, it is time for each of the parties in the relationship to acknowledge their own part in the communication that is causing the ill will and do what is necessary to understand from where it is coming and clear it out from there.
Many relationships can be healed when each party takes responsibility for their part in the matter. However, for that to work, each party has to understand what they are communicating and why that communication is occurring.
This is how my marriage of over 20 years ended.
It started very well as most loving relationships do.
What happened was that over time, the perfect relationship began to corrode.
By the end of it, my then-husband was not coming to bed at a reasonable time any longer and was not even interested in having dinner together. He was no longer happy in the marriage.
From my point of view, I was also miserable with this behavior and did not really understand it, until he told me that it really bothered him when I went on my hypnosis and NLP training trips some of them lasting a few weeks at a time across the country. He never told me as I was making these journeys, only after he had asked me for a divorce.
I can honestly tell you that though he had felt this way about my training trips, I was not going to stop making them because this was where I was able to get the best training for my chosen profession and this is the manner in which these training were offered.
If we were to save this marriage, these are the problems that IF we had worked on, would have helped us most:
1. Controlling your partner kills the relationship.
One thing that many men miss, that will often not be communicated by your partner is that they might be feeling controlled.
Even if you don’t feel like you are doing this when one person feels they have all the control in the relationship, the other partner begins to feel dismissed, their feelings not mattering, and after a while, resentment builds up. This is but one way that relationships go sour.
That’s why you have to make sure your partner feels valued, respected, and an equal partner in the decision-making process. Find some time to speak to your partner about their ideas and suggestions.
I would say this is the main problem that killed our relationship because my ex did not support my own professional growth. While I went to all his art conventions and photography events he never liked me going on my training trips and never made any effort to show any interest in my goals and interests of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).
2. Not spending quality time and having fun anymore.
There is also another rather insidious issue that lurks in many relationships and that is where the couple has stopped doing those things together that they once enjoyed. It’s really important to understand if you are currently spending enough time and effort to be with each other or if the relationship is solely based on convenience and logistics.
It is imperative that couples take the time to enjoy one another’s company regardless of other concerns be it children, parents’ health, work, or other friendships. Relationships need constant nurturing or they will most certainly die.
By the time we split up we had stopped spending quality time together for 10 years. Instead, my then-husband was hiding out in his studio or doing his own thing. Not even interested in having dinner together.
3. Taking your partner for granted.
The last situation that kills relationships is that of taking one another for granted. No one owes anyone anything in this life. So, if your partner is making dinner, cleaning the home, working long hours to bring in the income — whatever the situation is in the household, these gestures need to be acknowledged and thanks are given.
Demonstrate to your partner that you appreciate them. Ask how your partner loves getting your thanks.
Verbally thanking them.
Giving gifts.
Services and help.
Physical gratification or anything your partner says will make them feel appreciated.
I had offered to help my then-husband with his photography logistics and deliveries often. I did many things for him but he rarely said thanks and rarely showed that he appreciated these efforts of mine. It was like my contributions to the household never mattered.
When I did ask him for help, he would put it off and then blame me for making him feel guilty.
Most men are just very logical by nature, without meaning to be. They are missing out on some very important aspects of what a true partnership requires. Often this happens because they feel as though they are providing a living. They forget the more human considerations of what being in a relationship actually means. Being in a relationship is not just what you feel, it’s what both you and your partner agree on that would bring balance into the relationship.
