This was a question asked by a person on Quora and one that I believe all too many people are dealing with given today’s circumstances. The reality of the situation is that we want to have healthy happy people in our lives. This is the answer that I wrote: 

This is very simple: It is appropriate boundaries. Even as someone who works with people with mental health issues, I can only help them to the degree that they will apply themselves to help themselves. Anything else becomes a co-dependent relationship and they are unhealthy.

Cut the cord and move on with your life. Hopefully, the person will go on to get some professional help if that is what is required. But, it isn’t your job to help someone who is unwilling to do a thing to help themselves. You have your own life to live, so go on and live it.

 Ericksonian hypnotism is a form of hypnotism that uses metaphor and open loops to help bypass the conscious mind so people more effortlessly make the changes they employ a hypnotist to make.

So anytime one can tell a story (which is all a metaphor is) that allows one to create change in the direction they would like that is a success.

Anytime one can use open loops meaning telling a story about 80% of the way through and then holding off on the ending till the end of a program – seminar, workshop, training, to hold the audience’s unconscious mind to the end, you have succeeded.

The last area is that of understanding the subconscious shifts that occur when a person is in the hypnotic trance state – because if one understands what Erickson observed here, one has a much better idea of whether or not they or their subject (client or volunteer in the stagecraft venue) is ina hypnotic trance. I actually share the Ericksonian signs and symptoms of the hypnotic state with my clients before guiding them into trance so that they know that they are indeed in that place known as ‘trance’ – because another one of Erickson’s better teachings is to ‘utilize everything’ so why not let our folks know what we are looking for to see they are in ‘state’ so that they indeed know that they are in state themselves. All of them are going to have fluttering eyes upon thinking, all of them are going to have circular breathing and slowed pulse, and all of them are going to feel very relaxed – so those are all wins for them to help them realize they are exactly where we want them to be – if they feel like they are floating, or heavy or have tingling extremities all for the best.

So, there you have my manner of using Erickson’s basic teachings which have zero to do with his language patterns or other more complex knowledge – just the simple stuff goes very far indeed in the manner in which we can more effectively help our folks get the results that they came to use to receive.

This was a question that a person asked on Quora which deserved a well thought out response because so many people are led by the conventional mental health system that they will always have to manage such traumatic events. However, this is patently untrue as 20 years of experience helping my clients clear it rather quickly has proven. Here is the answer that I wrote to the question:

Thank you for this question, because I do believe that too many people wrongly believe that they can never overcome a traumatic life.

I have been working in the world of hypnotism and NLP for the past 20 years and I can tell you that any time a person is feeling low, anxious, or incapable of being in control of one’s life, it ALWAYS goes back to some trauma(s) that created the need for the defense mechanisms to be created in the subconscious mind to deal with these negative events. The fact that the person is unable to focus on what they say they care about, perhaps getting mired in a lot of drama and trauma are clear indicators that these defense mechanisms have outlived their purpose.

I don’t care how many negative events one has experienced, nor do I care how bad these situations were having worked with clients with horrendous stories of traumatic events of all ages, from all socio-economic levels, of diverse cultures and skin hues – it does not matter. The only thing that makes the healing possible is the desire for one to at long last heal these events by learning how they can serve them from the positive learnings received. And, the more traumatic the events the deeper those learnings are regardless of what a person feels they are unable to let go – it is ALWAYS possible if one wants to actually heal.

Using hypnotism is the easiest way because one is in an altered state as they are doing the processing of the events so that when they come back to normal consciousness the client feels ‘lighter and brighter’ as my clients explain it.

The other great thing about using hypnotism and NLP processes is that my clients can let go of the negative events very quickly -in minutes for each event, not days, months, years, or decades. Because, one isn’t rehashing the same old stories week after week never to have them be resolved in the mind- rather the resolution occurs as a result of the processes that are used – different processes for the different types of trauma, and different levels of hypnotic trance for the different levels of depth required to effectively heal the various components of a given trauma.

However, what one needs to understand is that letting go of the trauma is only about 20% of the work as far as I am concerned because that is only the foundation that is required for one to actually live a quality of life worth living. We all have things that we would love to do if we could allow ourselves to be in the emotional place (with the energy required) to allow these various dreams to be put into reality. This means that 80% of the work I do with my clients has to do with helping them to find their ‘compelling future’ the real reason to confront all the pain from the past and then effectively help them to make that happen. This is the manner in which the frame upon which I work with my clients differs from many of those who are working in mental health – those who are only focused on ‘managing’ symptoms such is the case in conventional mental health paradigm sadly, and those who do hypnotism who are only focused on releasing the negative issues that the client has come in to release. I would have to say that having this framework of working toward creating a ‘compelling future’ is the difference that makes the difference in why my clients who do the entire program (which is individually created for each client based on their Detailed Personal History – a 2–3 hour session itself – for my clients receiving great long-lasting results regardless of the reason they employed me in the first place.

*Note: those with personality disorders or experiencing psychosis fall outside my ability to help, unfortunately.

So, yes, indeed one can heal from traumas suffered so long as the client is invested in doing the work and allowing the traumas to leave their lives. The only thing that I as a practitioner can do is facilitate that healing with the tools, techniques, along with my decades of experience to help the client achieve that goal – however, the compelling future is the “WHY” to go through the work to allow for the great results 97% or more of my clients have received. If one does not have a compelling future, a very fun and exciting hypnosis induction allows the client to figure that out for himself or herself from the first session to know that the outcome was achieved when it has been.

Again, thank you for this important question on behalf of all those who are going to read it once it is posted. NOBODY NEED LIVE WITH TRAUMA RUINING THEIR QUALITY OF LIFE – IT IS A CHOICE TO DECIDE TO LET IT GO!