Mar 13 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:38 — 8.2MB)
Hypocrisy is one of the worst lies you can tell yourself or others. Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck comments on what others see when your actions don’t match your words.
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Mar 09 2017
Stop Allowing Your Past to Determine Your Present & Future – Vol. 404, March 9, 2017
I don’t know about you, but I know that I am not a person who likes to live in the past. Why? Because even though there were some very interesting and fun times back there in my past, there were also some very horrid ego killing episodes as well. I bring this up because there are so many people who are stuck in their past, living with the resentment, the guilt, the fear, the sadness, and worst of all the shame of whatever they feel they have done back there in their past.
I am here to tell you that we all have ups and downs in life. We all have done things that we wish we didn’t and yet, it is the truth of human behavior to do things and say things that may not always put us in the best light.
My question to you is this: How many years are you going to allow go by holding on to all this garbage in your life? How long are you going to feel poorly about yourself for whatever you may have done back there in the past? And, how long are you going to make those in your life that may have done things back there in your past, pay for those past acts that you feel hurt you?
I want to share a story with you from my resent past to demonstrate what I am speaking of here.
I have a sister who was always so sarcastically mean to me. It didn’t matter that my ex-husband and I gave up several weekends to help her ex-boyfriend fix up her home. It didn’t matter that we did fun things together – she would always find a way to put me down and upset me. This went on for 35 years – to the point where I threw her out of my life, no longer wanting to deal with her anger being projected on to me, especially because she was never willing to speak about the real reason why she acted this way toward me.
This past Thanksgiving I called her on the phone after we had a few favorable interactions through email. It was time to set myself free of my own resentment of her behavior toward me. If a phone call was what it took, as hard as it was going to be, so be it.
The underlying issue was what I thought it was. However, the specifics of the situation that were unknown to me were finally being related. Frankly, it had less to do with me, then it had to do with unfair treatment she felt she suffered by another’s attitude toward her, in relationship to me. Someone she thought she could trust. And, the fact of the matter was that given the similar situations that we found ourselves, all those years ago, we were indeed treated differently by the same person. However, she didn’t know that till she had the guts to tell me her truth.
I haven’t spoken to her since regarding anything of personal importance since then. However, what I gained from that conversation was knowing that she needed to deal with her own stuff. Because, even though I was a part of the story of her hurt, I wasn’t the one who hurt her, not at all. We were both victimized and that was my message to her. Stop taking responsibility for the harm that was done to you by another’s acts. Stop hurting yourself with this ancient past. Allow yourself to feel free in the life that you have created. She is now married to a wonderful man, She does work that she finds fulfilling and is aligned with her values, so she is indeed a lucky woman. However, she needs to allow herself the ability to let go of the past trespasses to fully enjoy what she currently has in her life.
I don’t really know if she has been able to let go of her past history, Though I certainly hope she has for her own good and the good of those with whom she interacts on a daily basis.
For me, I live 3,000 miles away from her, so I won’t be seeing her anytime soon. It’s enough to know that I did put this part of my own history into my past to allow me to move forward with my own life . I invite you to do the same.
Mar 02 2017
Raising Kids WIth Healthy Self-Esteem – Vol. 403, March 2, 2017
Over the past few days I have been staying at an Airbnb with a family that has a stay at home mom taking care of three kids age 5 and under. They live in a very nice home in a very nice neighborhood in suburban Southern California. The father is self-employed. He spends his weekends working on the home and the grounds and playing with his kids. The mother has a very structured schedule with the kids where they nap in the afternoon and are in bed by 8 pm. She spends her days actually being with her children, interacting with them all day long. She is a woman who truly loves being a mother, demonstrated by being quite patient and loving towards her kids.
The thing that I find most amazing is that this family really do enjoy being together. It isn’t that they don’t have their times when the kids argue or get tired, but mostly, they play well together and the parents are there to be the loving role models that parents are meant to be.
I bring this up because in my hypnosis practice I have had more kids and parents who seemed to be cross talking, meaning that they just weren’t able to communicate. They were talking “past” one another. Granted these kids were a bit older then the kids in this household. Because of the cross talking, there were many hurtful comments that were made by one or both of the parties that caused distress enough to bring the child in to have some hypnosis done, to deal with the barriers to loving and trusting communication. The presenting problems are usually anger, sadness, fear or guilt in the child. Usually when this sort of case comes in, I do my best to have the parent and the child do a shared session so we can heal the wounds and create better communication. It works most of the time, but not all of the time. Both the child and the parent have to be willing to work through the issues, and this isn’t always the case.
Instead of having a distressed relationship between parents and their kids, we need to understand how these issues arise. During the first seven to eight years of one’s life is when the shelf-esteem, self-respect and self-love are created. This is because kids are working in their subconscious mind, recording everything that they hear, see and do into their subconscious minds. It is during this time that it is so important to let kids know that they are loved unconditionally, that they are cared for, that the parents and the other role models in their lives can be trusted by being present with them. When this doesn’t happen, that is when the problems assert themselves making life miserable with the inability to communicate their their needs and desires.
In the two days that I have been here, I have never heard the mother raise her voice to any of the kids. I have never heard her make anything but loving, compassionate comments to her children. If she wants them to do something she ask if they need a bit of help. If there is something that seems to be causing a problem for one of the kids, the parents tell the child that they can only help them solve the problem if they know what the problem is. Remember, these are young kids 5 and under, and this is the level of communication that occurs in this household.
When I see kids with troubled relationships with their parents, it stems from a lack of trust in their parents being there in a positive manner. It happens because parents can say deeply hurtful things in an antagonistic tone of voice, without understanding how they are coming across to their child. Some parents expect their kids to be star students, athletes or musicians, trying to live through their kids. This is an absurdity, especially when the child is lacking the innate talent or interest in pursuing these activities. Worst is when parents are so self-involved in their own relationships or married to their electronics, they don’t pay attention to their kids. When these kids grow up, they are usually the ones that are left with a hole in their sole, finding other ways to fill it. Usually these are self-destructive behaviors.
If you want to have happy kids with healthy self-esteem, an ability to love and respect themselves, take a lesson from these parents. Be present with your kids, validate their feelings and do things that THEY find fun with them. In the end, you will find you have a wonderful relationship with your grown children, and isn’t that the best gift hat you can give to yourself as well as your child?
Feb 27 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:38 — 10.6MB)
Great relationships can occur by chance, however isn’t it much better to know how to find and nurture them as an act of will. Find out how Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck maintains her friendships.
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Feb 23 2017
The Art Of Creating Great Relationships – Vol. 402, February 26, 2017
Over these past few weeks, I have heard myself say that I have been blessed with some of the best relationships anyone could hope to have. So, I thought that perhaps it would be a great idea to share how one develops great relationships.
The first thing that is necessary is for one to be authentically themselves. It is very difficult for anyone to feel close to someone who has a bunch of defenses up to protect them from emotional hurt. The people with those defenses up generally feel alone in the world, because there isn’t any feeling of closeness to anyone.
How do you authentically be yourself? It’s quite easy. First by recognizing that none of us is perfect, most certainly ourself. Once this is understood, it becomes much easier to accept others for who they are, understanding their idiosyncrasies for what they are, even if at times they can be annoying. We all have them, so best to just appreciate them for what they are.
Second, when you are with other people, really be present with them. Turn off your phones, look them in the eye as you speak with them. If you are on the phone, be present to the conversation. I bet you know the difference between when someone is really there with you and when they are multitasking. Few people get enough real time with anyone these days, so this is the greatest gift you can give.
Third, if you notice that there is something that you can do to help a person’s life be a bit easier go ahead and offer to do that thing for them. I did this with my present landlady, after hearing from her how so many of her older relatives and the not so old ones were having many complications due to diabetes. I also noted while we were out to eat, how often she would go for pancakes with high fructose corn syrup, all very bad for her type 2 diabetes. So, what did I do? I offered to go shopping with her and make her food that would be much better for her health. She took me up on that offer and has much appreciated it. I get something out of it too, with food paid for and great food I wouldn’t take the time to make for just myself. So, these can indeed be win-win situations.
Fourth, by not having to always be right about everything. There are few things that upset me more then when someone is trying to dump their opinions down my throat. Opinions are just that, opinions, and we are all allowed to have our own. Sometimes when discussing issues, minds can be changed. However, that will only be done with a respectful airing of the different perspectives.
Five, be available to help out when a friend calls and is in real need. I do believe that I have as much support as I do, because I have never been one to shy away from being there when someone really needed me. It could be anything from babysitting my Godchild and his sister to dealing with some crisis someone close to me was dealing with. Sometimes there were tough conversations that had to be dealt with, and other times there were moves that had to occur. Much of it was not particularly fun, some of it down right difficult, and yet, being there when most needed is what true friendship is about. Anyone can be there for the fun times, few are there during the hardest and most challenging of times. I do believe that because I have always put myself out for others when the situation warranted it, that others have put themselves out for me when I asked. And, that is another secret. Don’t expect people to just know that you need them. Most people are not mind readers. You need to ask specifically for what you need, and then you may just find you receive it.
Six, drop the judgmental attitudes. I don’t know what it is about people. So many believe that they know what is correct for other people even though they have no idea what is going on behind closed doors, or perhaps what the larger picture is that is going on there. In order to be a good friend, it is your job to listen and then give the best guidance you can. If at all possible to validate the feelings of the person who is entrusting you with the knowledge about their situation. You may not agree, and that is fine, just keep judgment out of it, unless you know that there is something that they need to know that would be in their best interest. In that case, ask if they are interested in having some suggestions and only then, give them the suggestions.
Seven, do your best every day to be your best. That doesn’t mean that every day you will be great, far from it. All it means is that you are doing the best you can with whatever the concerns are that you have. If you say or do something that is less then agreeable to someone else, have the self-respect to apologize and ask what you can do to make it up to them. Since we are human beings relating to one another, most of us realize that anyone can have a bad day, put their foot in their mouth or lose it. So long as you acknowledge your own behavior, most people will forgive you and move on.
Eighth, and this is the most important of all: stop beating yourself up for not being perfect or not knowing things you couldn’t know. When one does this, it shows by the acceptance of others for who they really are.
Great relationships are formed over time, with demonstrated trust and respect, love and compassion for one another. Love to me is demonstrated simply by caring about others and being interested in their lives. In this world where too many people are more interested in what they can gain from others, showing interest and caring, compassion and trust, are deeply needed and wanted by those who you call your friends and family.
Feb 20 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:03 — 10.1MB)
Are you constantly comparing your blopper reel to someone elses Facebook hightlight reel. Then this is your episode. Discover the reasons why cutting down on your Facebook time would probably be good for you.
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Feb 16 2017
How to Be Present When One You Love is Critically Ill & Even May Be Dying – Vol. 401, February 16, 2017
This is of course a very hard subject for some people to deal with, and yet, it is a most important one to understand. Over the years I have worked with many people who were under my care who were in their last stages of life. Through this work I learned how to help them to die with grace and dignity.
If someone is in a critical state of health and maybe has even been told that their life is near its end, it is important for you to listen to what your loved me is saying. In some cases when they believe in God and have the belief that he will help them to overcome their illness, support the person in that belief. Prayer has been studied in regards to helping the ill to overcome their illness and so far the studies show conflicting results. As a hypnotist though, I can tell you that if one has much emotion behind their objective, the objective can be attainted, with the power of prayer being one way to achieve it.
In cases where a person has been given the news that they have a terminal illness, the last thing they want to hear is that all they need to do is believe they will be fine and all will be great.
This attitude takes away their ability to process what is going on with you. Because, they need to speak about their feelings and their needs. So, in this case the best way to handle the situation is to listen to what they are saying and validate their feelings. And then ask them what you can do to help them feel better?
I had a client in her 80’s many years ago who was no longer able to drive, having major nerve damage in her legs. She was in constant pain, and yet, whenever anyone would come to the house to do their medical tests or to check on her, she was always flashing smiles and pretending to be in a happy place. One day I sat next to her on the couch and told her that she could be ‘real’ with me, and let me know what was really going on with her, because I knew that she had some very serious health problems that she was contending with, it was why I was there to clean her apartment. With that opening she told me how she is never able to sleep during the night and every time she tries to nap during the day, someone is coming over to check on her, so she is greatly sleep deprived. So, I took this information and gave it to the nurse in my office who had her case. She quickly passed this information onto the visiting nurse, who was able to get some tranquilizers prescribed for her.Finally she was able to sleep at night.
I had another woman that I worked with was my very first elder case. She was 90 years old and was surviving on eggnogs, orange and prune juice, where her beloved dog was getting freshly ground meat for his diet. This particular client was very angry when I began working with her, not treating her in-home help very well at all. One day I kneeled down beside her and asked her if she was really feeling sad because she was down in the dark lower part of her beautiful split level home, to make sure she would not fall down the stairs. With that a tear flowed down her cheek as she explained that not one of her caregivers gave a damn about her wanting to leave as quickly as they could. I told her that I was more then happy to do what I could to help her out, however she needed to be respectful and let go of her anger. A beautiful thing happened over the last three months of her life. She and I had many conversations and she really helped me to better understand the process of dying from old age.
There was this one day when she saw a mouse in her fireplace, except there wasn’t any mouse, it was just the paint peeling that she saw. So, I had another conversation with her about wanting her to pass on a day when I was coming by to make sure that she would be given the appropriate care. She did in fact pass away that following Monday. It was obvious to me because her door was locked when it was alway left open after letting the dog out in the morning. As I was at a phone in a store down the street calling my bosses to let them know what I thought had happened (this being before cell phones), the visiting nurses had a policeman break down the back door to get into to her body. She had indeed passed away, probably as she was trying to get up to let the dog out. She fell back on the bed across it, dying in that position.
Older people are well aware of their life cycle, and think of their mortality from the age of sixty on. So, to ignore the reality that they may be facing if some grave illness comes on them, is to do them a huge injustice. Because, what you really want to do is to find out where their head is at and be there in the manner in which they would appreciate you.
Children are also very good at being in the moment. They tend to worry about how their parents will be once they have passed away. Again, to pretend that nothing is wrong when they know there is something very wrong is to deny the child their own truth. The best thing to do is to take their lead and go from there. Both Bernie Segal and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross spoke of kids with cancer and how they process their own illnesses and upcoming deaths by articulating these types of behaviors.
So, the rule is to treat your loved on in a manner that best fits their own belief system. Listen to them and what they are really telling you, and validate their feelings and their truths as they understand them. Never, push your agenda onto them. My guess is that you woundn’t want that done to you, so do unto others as you would want done for you.