Aug 12 2021

What is Therapy Like for Teens? – Vol. 526, August 12, 2021

This is an interesting question for sure. I am not a licensed therapist, rather a hypnotist, and what I have found in my work is that it is much better if I can get the teen to have their parent in the session rather than not. There is a reason for this that many don’t really think through. First, the teen will not have a clear idea of their entire history because the memory only goes back so far. This is even more true for those who have been traumatized. Secondly, a lot of healing can occur when I have both of them together doing the work. Does it work all the time – no, it doesn’t. However, for those who have been willing or even wanting their parents there with them, magical healing has occurred on both sides of the relationship.

You see, I don’t go into my sessions believing the parents are necessarily the bad people here. In fact, we know that our memories are not what we believe they are with many things deleted causing distortions. We also know that a younger person under the age of 25 prefrontal cortex hasn’t matured completely yet, so they have limited ability to reason, rationalize, or judge. This is a physiological fact. Parents can indeed help their kids better understand what the truth was back when the situation occurred. I have several examples from which to choose, but I will use a few to illustrate my point.

I had a 15-year-old client who wouldn’t go to school and didn’t know why. It went back to her father’s dying of brain cancer when she was six years old. Her mom was able to help her understand how important she was to her dad’s feeling loved and cared for as her 6-year-old self gave him her favorite stuffed animals to love. As a little girl, she spent hours in his hospital bed at home while her older siblings were unable to be there seeing their dad hooked up to the medical machinery. So, with that knowledge and healing, this 15-year-old was able to return to school and do well as reported by her mom at year’s end.

I have another 17-year-old who came to me because she wasn’t doing well in her ice hockey games – something that she excelled out for ages. It was as I was doing the work to clear this issue that her mother wrote a note to me telling me that her daughter had lost 4 of her close friends in the last 3 years. Was there anything I could do about that? Well, because she was there in the session, I was able to help her daughter with that much larger issue in her daughter’s life.

So, we need to be careful not to make judgments and to do the best we can to understand the whole situation. Of course, if a teen would prefer their parent not be there with them, that is up to them and of course, the info is kept confidential but I do believe that you can better understand why I do things the way I do with these 2 of hundreds of stories of parent-child healing through the years.

Aug 12 2021

Loving Partnership Require Having Humility & Being Honorable – Vol. 531, Sept. 16, 2021

Today I want to speak to the idea that being a loving person in a primary relationship as well as any type of relationship requires a sense of humility and a recognition of the importance of being honorable.

All too often we humans create a sense of who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’ instead of realizing that there are infinite ways to understand a circumstance. We have this great need to jump to conclusions that are anything but aligned with reality because our minds are wonderful at creating stories to back up our feelings. Yet, in a truly loving relationship, there is no need to create a story. Instead, there is a desire to understand through honest communication what is going on because there has been a foundation of trust upon which to build.

I know that in my truly loving relationships the disagreements, the need to prove the other wrong was never there. Questions were asked and discussions were had, pure and simple. When relationships started to lose the loving quality, stories were created and resentment ensued. In these cases, I pulled myself out of these relationships not desiring to be a ’cause’ of someone else’s distress – because, in many of these cases, it had less to do with who I am and more of who the other person was being for whatever their reasons. Without having control over the other person, the healthiest thing to do was to limit the time with them.

Going back to my most loving of relationships, and I have many of them thank, God – I show up for these folks as they show up for me. It is just an understanding that we are there for one another. We may not agree on everything in life, but what we do agree on is that we truly care and support one another in those ways that we can as we can without the need to be asked in many cases. We just are there for one another because we can.

It is through these loving relationships that we have in our lives that the difficulties can be made much easier. It is through the difficulties of others that we can rise to the occasion to bring the love and care deepening the trust and love inside that relationship. Because it is only when we are able to be there for others in this sort of manner that we can truly understand what real ‘love’ is all about. It isn’t forcing another to be perfect according to your ideals, and it isn’t about having to check everything that you do and say. It is about being loved and accepted by each other for exactly who you are realizing that till you are perfect, there is no need to expect that from anyone else – that is the humility.

Being honorable has everything to do with being your word. So often these days people will promise things to forget about the promise or find a way to wiggle out of it. Best to demonstrate that you can be on time doing those things you promised to do. Or, do not make the promise in the first place, which is the more honorable thing to do if you are not in a place where you can or want to follow through.

It is about knowing that we all have our difficulties in life and to be present to the degree that we can be to be loving and supportive of our loved ones – because maybe it was this person who helped you through your difficult time, maybe without even being asked, just jumping in to make sure you were okay. Because at least to my mind that is what a loving relationship is – being present, being caring, being humble, and being interested. It does not take much to demonstrate these attributes these days, not at all. Just letting the person you claim to care so much about a message, a text, a phone call, a video call, or even a letter or a card to let them know that you were thinking of them and that you care and are interested.

Learning: All truly loving relationships are built on a foundation of humility and being honorable. Be your word and realize there are many ways in which to understand a given circumstance. More often than not we do not have all the information till we ask for it. And, follow through on what you said you would do, timely.

Aug 05 2021

Overcoming Learned Helplessness – Vol. 525, August 5, 2021

So many people have learned helplessness as a part of their psychology, so I thought I would give you a method to overcome it.

Learned helplessness comes about because you took in the messages that you would never be able to amount to anything. Interestingly enough, there are many people who have been told the same thing to become amazing doing those things that they were told they would never be able to do. These folks used the notion of ‘proving’ someone else wrong to motivate them to do amazing things.

Taking a learning from the above folks, the best thing that you can do is figure out a project that is important to you to accomplish. It can be anything that you feel is worth your time – meaning that it need not have to do with income production though it can. Maybe it has more to do with fulfilling your dreams of being an artist, writing a book, or going into some profession that you feel called to. Or maybe it has to do with doing something with a non-profit to help others. So long as the project is something that both holds meaning for you and forces you to get out of your comfort zone, you will be learning how to overcome learned helplessness.

I can tell you from my own experience that there are few things that are more fulfilling than pushing myself to do those things that I never thought I could accomplish, but got to work and made them happen anyway. Getting my NLP Trainer’s Certificate was among the most difficult things I ever did, given the immense amount of knowledge that needed to be taken in and applied in such a short period of time.

Many of my trips abroad were also quite interesting and forced me out of my comfort zone doing things that I was requested to do in some cases and getting my second master’s degree at the International School here at the University of Haifa. The courses are taught in English, but when you go to the store, bank, or wherever to do business it is all in Hebrew and I don’t speak the language. I can phonetically read the signs but that is about it. Still, it’s been a most amazing experience.

So, dream your largest dreams and go with them with all you have got and you will find your way out of learned helplessness – because when you have a compelling future that is more meaningful to you than being stuck, action will take place to make it your reality.

Aug 02 2021

Claim_Your_Excellent_Life_344_-_Inner_Talking

Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck discusses that little voice we all have in our head and the best ways to make it work for you.
 
 
 
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Jul 29 2021

What is Mental Health, Really? Vol. 524, July 29, 2021

Today I am going to speak to what mental health actually is because I don’t believe many people understand it given all the writing by the psychs that complicate it.
 
Very simply mental health is being contented in life, to the point where other peoples’ actions and statements have no negative emotional impact on you because you have decided that nobody has the right to upset you for any reason whatsoever. It is a choice, we make in each and every interaction that we have both with ourselves in our own mind, and while interacting with others.
 
How does one get to the point? Well, I believe it is understanding that allowing ourselves to have our minds played with by other people is not something that we are going to allow. Because when another person is able to make you angry with all the ‘injustice’ or ‘unfairness’ they perceive you are allowing this person to impact you in a very negative fashion. Anger begets resentment which begets depression and the downward cycle of ill health from there. It is way too high a price to pay for something that need not negatively affect you.
 
So, how do we deal with these injustices we see in our lives? We take a positive stand operating from our heart and soul to heal that which needs healing in whatever way we are moved to do so. Not because someone else forced you to feel angry or guilty – NO- you do it because you feel in your heart moved to do that thing that is the correct thing to do.
 
Is it always easy to do the right thing? Absolutely not. However, when we are coming from the heart, it is being done with the correct energy and becomes helpful instead of destructive to ourselves and those around us. Because, my guess is that you would rather be enrolled in doing something positive with heart and soul, than doing something negative to prove a point – which by the way is always based on one’s perceptions – something that was drilled into my brain here as I learned about the Palestinian side of things by Palestinians and Arabs themselves – people that are not in proximity for these deep conversations from the places in which I have previously lived in the United States – on both coasts at this point.
 
You see, it is when we are capable of having humility in knowing that there are many things that we do not know or understand that we can open our minds and hearts to others giving us a much larger understanding of the world and the way that it is – and then we can figure out what matters to us enough to do something to provide some positive change. However, it needs to be coming from the right place and that place is never from anger – it always comes from a place of desiring to learn about the other’s perspective and moving into healing from there.
 
Learning: To have mental health means that we are contented in our own lives. We are able to get out of our own heads and into that of the greater world to understand the perspectives of others from our hearts and soul. It means that we love and respect others instead of making assessments we have no right to make because until we have experienced what they have we can never fully understand – however, humility will take us a long way to healing the wounds that have come between us being willing for a change to care as much about others as we do about ourselves. That is what mental health really means in case you wanted to know.
 

Jul 26 2021

Claim Your Excellent Life #343 – What’s Wrong with the Pursuit of Happiness?

Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck share her thoughts on happiness.
 
 
 
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Jul 22 2021

What’s Wrong With the Pursuit of Happiness? Vol. 523, July 22, 2021

Today we are going to explore the idea of ‘happiness’ something that many people say is what they are looking for in their lives.
 
I was listening to an interview with Peter Crone this morning where he made a very interesting observation, “Happiness is the lack of pursuit of happiness.”
 
Think about that for a moment. If one is already happy, there is no need to think about it, it just is.
So, how does one create that feeling of happiness for one’s self? Well, I would have to say that it all begins with the self. No one can make you happy, and no material thing will keep you happy for more than a few days (in most cases – a sentimental possession would be the one exception but even then that possession is not going to make you a happy person per se).
 
From my own life’s experience, there are a couple of things that have given me a happy and contented existence and some that have made my life utterly miserable during those times. What was the difference between these two situations? The environments in which I was living. In one case it had to do with the overpopulation of the area, and the hot humid summers and cold damp winters my body no longer could take – well, it didn’t want to take it any longer so it was time to go somewhere less populous and in a temperate climate.
 
The second situation would be living with people that had serious mental health issues that were not under control – just crazy behavior. One example was my roommate calling the cops on me the evening I was due to move out. Understand I had not been home the entire day having taken a job helping an elderly couple while the wife was recovering from knee surgery. The roommates did not know of this job because I never told them. However, one has to ask themselves why a person would be calling the cops on a roommate who wasn’t even home and not allowing her in her own apartment? The ironic part of this story is that the cop came to find me packing my stuff to move out and told my roommate that for wasting his time that she needed to stay in her own room till I left. It was about midnight by the time I was done packing so I spent the night there and left early the next morning. So freaking crazy…I left to drive back east to find out along my drive somewhere in Minnesota that my mom had been put under hospice care, not that she was dying you know – they just needed the increase in funding to cover her more complicated care at the time. Within 2 weeks of my arrival back to Massachusetts she quietly passed away. So, that timing worked out exquisitely well – I was there for the last 10 days of her life to visit her daily. And, I was fine with her passing as she lived a long life dying at the age of 84 – content for the most part at the nursing home she lived in for the last 7 years of her life. Because was living in a loving environment where she was supported in doing all the activities she wanted to partake in. So, our environment is so very important in various ways to be happy.
 
Another thing that I have found most important in being a happy individual is doing those things of interest to me. Too many people spend the best part of their days and lives doing work they do not enjoy and don’t want to be doing. One needs to take the time to really think about those things that are fun and interesting and work in a fashion that works for one.
 
In my case, I hate waking up early to deal with traffic rushing to some job to be there at a certain time or I hear about it. No, I need to have control over my time, when I work, and with whom I work. For this reason, over the years I have become much less employable – living by others’ rules and regulations, dealing with bosses and co-workers – forget it! I hire my own clients who are a great fit for the manner in which I work and leave it at that. Again, the environment matters a lot!
 
Relationships are the other area that not enough people take into consideration. Look, if you feel that you need to be a certain way for others to accept you, then I would suggest that you are not accepting of yourself and that is what needs to be addressed first. There is no reason for anyone to feel that they are not able to be good enough to have real relationships with real people in person. Because, the reality is that we all can clean up our acts some, being the imperfect people we are – and yet, till we are able to respect others for who they are and what they believe given the different family and perhaps culture they grew up in, happiness will be a wish, instead of a way of life.
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