Living Without Having Biological Children of Your Own, Dec. 20, 2018
A few years ago I had a conversation with my youngest sister where she brought up the aggravation of having people around her give her a hard time for not having any children of her own. Because, I made the same decision many years before she would have to, being five years older than her, I told her that it was really nobody’s business as to what she and her husband found to be the correct decision for them.
About 20 years ago, me and my then husband were visiting his parents, when his mother tried to make me feel guilty “for not allowing her son to have a child.” I told her at that time that given that he was in school (working on his Bachelor of Fine Arts) and given my poor health at the time, the best thing for us to do was to not have any children. Sadly, he was unwilling to tell his mom himself of the fact that he didn’t want any kids. As a matter of fact, he thanked me for never forcing him to have kids that he didn’t want years later when he asked for a separation.
Too often in this world, parents and in-laws feel that it is their right to force their kids to have children so they can become grandparents. But, that is not ever the case. Having a child is a huge responsibility with a cost in excess of $200,000 today, not including college. So, it is something that needs to be thought through and that both partners desire, or it is going to cause more harm to the relationship, given the change in relationships and financial responsibilities involved.
I actually have a kid of my own, as close to one as one can have without giving birth one’s self. That kid is my Godson who is now 29 years old – he will be 30 years old in 2 weeks time. The reason that I say this, is because we are very close indeed. During his whole time growing up I was at his house, helping his parents as his mom had epilepsy. Whenever his dad had to be gone for a weekend or more, like while his parents were ill, I would be the one who was called to take care of the family, since I could drive and his wife could not. There were many times when my Godson could be a pain in the butt, and yet, I would sit him down and have a conversation regarding why it was that he did what he did and why it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. There were certain behaviors that were expected if my ex and I were going to take him and his sister to museums and out to restaurants when they were young. You know, I never had a problem with either of them.
When his mother left the family when he was about 15 years old, it hit him hard. His father did the best he could, but many times he lost patience with my Godson, where he had endless patience with the daughter. Unfortunately this past March 1, his father passed away, leaving me as his closest “family member.” Luckily, he has many cousins and aunts and uncles on his mom’s side of the family, but I was the one who was there with and for him through his entire growing up and advocated strongly on his behalf when necessary. It was through all those times together that he created a very strong bond with me. These days he calls me every week to check in with me and to get updates and give me updates.
While I was living in California, he found a way to get out there from Boston every year, to spend quality time with me. It was exhausting given his energy level, but we saw amazing sites and enjoyed ourselves enormously,
So, go find yourself a kid to “rent” and create an amazing relationship with. But, you have to be willing to allow the kid to be who they are, always showing love, care and interest in them. And, then when they grow up, they will always want to maintain you in their lives. Because, as with most things, we get out of life what we put into it, don’t we?
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul is a book of essays based on the wisdom gained through those who have touched me through my own journey in life. Purchase an inspiring copy today from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store.
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.