Volume 178, Nov. 30, 2012
It is amazing to me how many of my clients come in telling me of their loving relationships. You know all the great things their partner does for and with them. And then after a little bit of chit chat the truth slowly comes out once piece at a time. This is usually done by defending the perpetrator of unkindnesses toward them in some fashion, making up stories as to why it is okay to be treated in this inhumane manner. I am here to tell you that it is NEVER okay to be treated in this way. Below are 9 symptoms that you are being emotionally abused. You will know that this is true not only by reading and relating these symptoms to yourself. No, I would say that you will be able to feel your insides being turned upside down as you feel inside your gut that this is a situation that you need to finally address. Why? Because it is taking you out of your own life, making you feel guilty, sad, guilty, incompetent with a general feeling of unworthiness all the while feeling all alone in the world. Allowing this inhumane treatment to continue you will find yourself feeling insecure, scared, anxious and depressed. The interesting thing here is that the only person who is allowing this to continue is you. So take a gander at the list of symptoms and then I will give you some strategies to help you to extricate yourself from this unnecessary abuse.
- You feel neglected or ignored, probably indicating that you are no longer the main interest of you partner. Being ignored is the true opposite of being loved.
- Makes insults or calls you names, which is the opposite of being respected.
- Makes threats to you, your family, friends or pets. Intimidation has no place in a loving relationship, period, forcing an isolation of you from your support system.
- Humiliates and criticizes you, maybe with the use of sarcastic jokes where you are the target of such comments. Demeaning a person is hurtful and unloving.
- Limits access to work, makes you miss work, interrupts you while you are at work, keeps you from choosing the job or career of your own choice, or not letting you work at all. This is a controlling behavior to keep you sublimated to this individual and dependent.
- Does not give you your basic needs such as food and clothing. This is mostly true if it is a one earner family. Without the basic survival needs taken care of there is no sense of security allowing for the ability to move onto more complex human needs being fulfilled.
- Destroys your belongings demonstrating a lack of respect for not just your stuff, but you.
- Disrupts your sleep, disallowing you to function normally.
- Yells and screams at you, maybe including raging at you, many times blaming you for things you have no control over.
I agree that when a person is under stress, feeling bogged down in negative work and/or family environments symptoms of depression such as anger and control can result. The question one needs to ask one’s self is who is in control of changing these situations?
Look, the only person who can stand up for you and what you care about in your world is you. If you allow another to insult and control your life, you need to ask yourself a serious question? Why is it okay for me to allow another to treat me in this manner? Why do I even allow it? And, you know what happens when one answers that question, after they get sick of blaming all the people of their lives who may have had some influence while a kid? The realization that until the condition is made that this behavior is no longer going to be tolerated, that the bully in their life is no longer able to take away their souls, nothing is going to change.
Once one makes the decision that one is entitled to loving, caring, giving people in one’s life, all of a sudden the necessary help to get out of a deplorable situation arrives. Usually one has no idea that the person was there to help in the first place. That is until you, the person being belittled is open about your truth, and then before you know it, the way is found.
You see, the only person that is holding you back from finding an enjoyable and fulfilled life is you. It really doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, and how hopeless the situation seems. There are many people with much less then you, with more responsibilities than you perhaps, who were able to say “no” to the abuse and take a stand for what mattered. Sometimes this is done to protect children who are being abused in one or more ways by a spouse, sometimes it is done because life has gotten so unbearable the only other option felt like death. Whatever the reason, the strong realize that the only way to turn around one’s life, is to first make the decision that there is no way that this behavior by another is to be tolerated. Engaging the assistance of others to help get out of the situation is required.
There is help. However, you have to be honest about your situation in order to claim it.
How do I know this? Because in the course of my professional life, I have helped many abused people of all ages starting from the bullying of the young to the abused husband to turn around their lives. It is indeed possible once you learn how to speak to people in a manner that is assertive, without being aggressive or whiny while taking the steps required to move on with your own life.
The first suggestion I have is for you to tell the abuser that whatever the problems, that the abuser is responsible for whatever needs to be changed, not you.
The second suggestion is to allow the abuser to know that you are no longer living under the dictates given. Intolerable behavior will not be tolerated any longer. You do this by stating the behavior calmly and directly and tell the abuser what you expect instead. And then you walk away from the conversation.
The third suggestion is to let the abuser know that you will give them the option of seeking professional help for themselves, as you do the same for yourself because you each need to address why this occurred in the first place. No relationship counseling will help till the underlying issues are resolved individually first.
The fourth suggestion is to follow through and do as you say you will. Without follow-through the cycle repeats and the only person who is responsible is, of course you.
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul is a book of essays based on the wisdom gained through those who have touched me through my own journey in life. Purchase an inspiring copy today from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store.
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.