This was originally a question from a young woman on Quora which definitely deserved a thoughtful answer. For those of you who are dealing with a similar situation, here is the information that may help you to better understand what is going on and how to better deal with the situation.
Great question, and one my clients ask often.
It is because she lacks the ability to care about what you have to say, generally because she is self-involved.
Unfortunately the chronological age of a person, doesn’t always match their emotional stage of development. I would say your mom is stuck at teen hood emotionally, and therefore the world revolves around her.
I don’t know if she has any mental health issues, but these most certainly get in the way of natural emotional maturation.
The best way to deal with this is to just acknowledge the fact that your mom will never be able to talk to you in a way that fulfills your need for a caring and mature mother, and find others in your life who can fill that role.
I know in my case, my mom was so damaged by her mother that she was about 2 years old emotionally, manipulating people to always have her way. If she didn’t get her way, she would go into fits of rage. She was super intelligent, caring when it was something she cared about, yet infantile when she didn’t get her way.
Interestingly enough, through being raised by her (and we were close up till I was 18 years old), she taught me many important things in how to work with people with mental illness. I never confused her behavior with her, though it did become increasingly difficult to spend time with her. I cut her out of my life because of her abuse toward me. However, quite miraculously I was there for the last 10 days of her life. I can’t say I had sweet loving feelings for her, but I was glad she had 3 of her 5 daughters and the two spouses there by her side when she passed away.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.