Andie is a person on Quora who has asked me many very thoughtful and at times harsh questions about the world of therapy over the years. Here is how I answered her question:
Hi Andie,
As you know, Andie given all the answers I have written to your questions over the last year or more you know that I am answering this question from the perspective of being a hypnotist and neuro-linguistic programmer (NLP) who spent several years working in conventional psychiatry as a counselor before moving into hypnotism and NLP.
I appreciate your effort to get an answer to why counselors use the “shame approach’. I really never have heard of it put that way, however, I can tell you that I have had many clients who had addiction issues and eating disorders complain of being treated like crap by their previous counselors. Not listening to what they had to say. Blaming them for not following a treatment plan that wasn’t working for them, blaming them for their mental health issues (symptoms of the mental health issues). I can also attest to the fact that I have witnessed these exact problems while working in mental health programs for mentally ill adults by my program directors in too many cases – so it does indeed happen. It was these incidences that brought me into hypnotism and NLP for a more humanistic manner of working with my clients without the diagnoses as we are not licensed to give them and work very diligently to remove the label by removing the symptoms that brought the label in the first place.
That being said, I would discern between those counselors who actually do blame their clients for their problems instead of listening to the perception that their client has relative to the challenge that they employed their counselor to help release.
I would have to say that I do my best to take a thorough Detailed Personal History so I understand why it is that the problems developed through the type of emotional traumas suffered, by whom, and at what ages. When one takes the time to do this (it takes me about 2.5 – 3 hours to do a Detailed Personal History) it becomes more obvious what the client has been through and how and why these dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors developed (the reasons anyone would employ someone like me to work with them).
I also want to be very clear that there are times when I am very assertive in doing ‘reality checks’ with my clients which is not so much about shaming as it is about bringing awareness as to how it is that they are creating the problems that they have. Without this understanding, it becomes impossible to truly make the changes necessary to be rid of these issues.
An example of this would be a female client age 40 who is married to one man who is a citizen of another country, currently not allowed back into the US, and was dating another man who was making her life miserable given his demeaning attitude, creating all types of distressful situations by not following through on things that he agreed to do, and worst of all being physically abusive to her.
The reality check in this situation was simply this: If you are already married, why are you in another relationship with another man? Why are you complicating your life in this manner?
We spoke about it and I gave her some homework to do journaling in a very specific manner to find out if this is a person that she still wants in her life. She figured out that she was most definitely ready to get him out of her life along with all his friends and relatives and renewed her relationship with her husband by visiting him for a month in the country that he is living in.
I don’t consider this a ‘shaming’ of my client thought she could have taken it that way. However, she was more interested in being well and getting on with her life doing what needed to be done to allow that to happen. It’s called holding a client accountable for their actions. And, it is through accountability that clients are able to fully understand why they have the confusing, distractive life that they do.
So, as mental health professionals, we need to be very clear with our clients so they can make the connections necessary to understand why they find themselves in the situations they do. And, interestingly enough, though many times my clients are not that happy to hear what I have to say in my ‘reality checks’ they do indeed appreciate finally gaining the insight into their problems that were missing previously.
As always, I thank you for your question on behalf of those who will be reading it once posted.
Subscribe Now to the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Newsletter
If you found this blog post helpful and informative, then Suzanne would like to invite you to subscribe to the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Newsletter and receive notice of new blog posts, general news,special offers and upcoming events. A confirmation email will be sent to you and you will be granted access to the ever expanding free gift page which currently includes an anti-stress hypnotic induction mp3, an eating disorder induction mp3 and a pdf of the first chapter of Suzanne's upcoming book on sexual addiction.
Subscribe Now to the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Newsletter
About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.