When to Leave Your Mental Health Professional, Vol. #480, Dec. 13, 2018
I was reading my Quora feed this afternoon, a forum where people from all over the world ask and answer questions when I came across a question regarding if therapists fire patients. Now, to be honest there are times when a therapist needs to terminate their services with some of the patients. Situations that warrant it are: when the client is not ready to do the work, not answering questions and wasting their time and money, when the therapists has hit a place with the patient where no more growth is occurring, or if the therapist does not have the knowledge or skills to work with a particular issue the patient has.
However, the more important part of the string of answers came from a patient who had a therapist who disagreed with what was going on with her. The therapist thought the woman had what used to be known as multiple personality disorder and wanted her patient to celebrate all the different personalities. The patient had a difference of opinion not believing that she had this disorder and wanted to be treated as a whole unified person. So, with that difference of opinion, the patient stopped working with that particular therapist.
Now, from my perspective, there are many reasons why a patient would want to stop working with a particular therapist while understanding there are myriads of schools of thought and theory that a therapist apply to their clinical work. So, if a particular therapist’s style doesn’t work with you, by all means, search for somebody that you feel comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings because that is the only way any therapist can truly help you.
That being said, I have had many clients come to me because the therapist that they were seeing was always telling them what they (the patient) felt or thought. I don’t care who you are, it is not your right to tell people what they are feeling or thinking. It is up to you to ask if what you think may be going on is indeed going on inside that other person’s head. And if they trust you, you may get a real answer to that question.
There are going to be times during the therapy that are not going to feel comfortable, and I tell my clients before they even become clients that this is part of the work we are going to be doing together. They need to know that they are going to be working through interactions with me that they find hard or impossible with the people in their lives, which is going to teach them how to better interact with these people, holding their own emotional boundaries, while not overrunning other peoples’ boundaries. I also let them know that being human, there may be times when I may put my foot in my mouth, and to just let me know so that we can work it out, because the people in the world that they are going to be interacting with, will also put their foot in their mouths, and may bring upset to the client. My main message is for my clients to know that no one in the world is perfect, including themselves and to allow themselves and those in their world to be what I call “imperfectly perfect.”
There are also times when my clients are doing things or saying things that cause great difficulties for themselves, putting themselves in a double bind situation, and it is my job to point that out to them and help them to make better choices for themselves.
There may be times when I have to be very assertive with my clients because they are not listening, to those with whom they are having difficulties. No one can learn to grow and learn how to be with others, if they do not learn how to listen and learn how to give suggestions instead of directives, give options to consider and create compromises if necessary.
Sometimes my clients have been so beaten down by the people in their world, that they need to find their own voice, in fact, that is true for the majority of my clients, which means that they will be holding me responsible for those things I tell them to be responsible for. When that happens it is a bittersweet moment, for I am being told that I did something that hurt my client, which is not the intention, so I have to own up to it – and wonderful, because, alas they found their own voice.
In my own case, I have a very assertive style, where my clients are going to be held accountable for those things that come up during the session that need to be dealt with. They are accountable for the homework that is given between sessions and to show up on time. That is usually very easy to do since I do my work over the internet these days.
So, there are two sides to the story as always, and it is for the patient to figure out who is the best person for them to learn from and heal with to regain control of their life. That is the whole purpose of doing therapy – creating the life one wants to live, without all the negative issues of the past (or present) getting in the way.
Lastly, if you choose to terminate with your therapist, do them a favor and tell them why you made that decision. Hopefully, they will listen to you and make the changes necessary for their future patients
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.