What’s Wrong With the Pursuit of Happiness? Vol. 523, July 22, 2021

I was listening to an interview with Peter Crone this morning where he made a very interesting observation, “Happiness is the lack of pursuit of happiness.”

 

Think about that for a moment. If one is already happy, there is no need to think about it, it just is.

So, how does one create that feeling of happiness for one’s self? Well, I would have to say that it all begins with the self. No one can make you happy, and no material thing will keep you happy for more than a few days (in most cases – a sentimental possession would be the one exception but even then that possession is not going to make you a happy person per se).

 

From my own life’s experience, there are a couple of things that have given me a happy and contented existence and some that have made my life utterly miserable during those times. What was the difference between these two situations? The environments in which I was living. In one case it had to do with the overpopulation of the area, and the hot humid summers and cold damp winters my body no longer could take – well, it didn’t want to take it any longer so it was time to go somewhere less populous and in a temperate climate.

 

The second situation would be living with people that had serious mental health issues that were not under control – just crazy behavior. One example was my roommate calling the cops on me the evening I was due to move out. Understand I had not been home the entire day having taken a job helping an elderly couple while the wife was recovering from knee surgery. The roommates did not know of this job because I never told them. However, one has to ask themselves why a person would be calling the cops on a roommate who wasn’t even home and not allowing her in her own apartment? The ironic part of this story is that the cop came to find me packing my stuff to move out and told my roommate that for wasting his time that she needed to stay in her own room till I left. It was about midnight by the time I was done packing so I spent the night there and left early the next morning. So freaking crazy…I left to drive back east to find out along my drive somewhere in Minnesota that my mom had been put under hospice care, not that she was dying you know – they just needed the increase in funding to cover her more complicated care at the time. Within 2 weeks of my arrival back to Massachusetts she quietly passed away. So, that timing worked out exquisitely well – I was there for the last 10 days of her life to visit her daily. And, I was fine with her passing as she lived a long life dying at the age of 84 – content for the most part at the nursing home she lived in for the last 7 years of her life. Because was living in a loving environment where she was supported in doing all the activities she wanted to partake in. So, our environment is so very important in various ways to be happy.

 

Another thing that I have found most important in being a happy individual is doing those things of interest to me. Too many people spend the best part of their days and lives doing work they do not enjoy and don’t want to be doing. One needs to take the time to really think about those things that are fun and interesting and work in a fashion that works for one.

 

In my case, I hate waking up early to deal with traffic rushing to some job to be there at a certain time or I hear about it. No, I need to have control over my time, when I work, and with whom I work. For this reason, over the years I have become much less employable – living by others’ rules and regulations, dealing with bosses and co-workers – forget it! I hire my own clients who are a great fit for the manner in which I work and leave it at that. Again, the environment matters a lot!

 

Relationships are the other area that not enough people take into consideration. Look, if you feel that you need to be a certain way for others to accept you, then I would suggest that you are not accepting of yourself and that is what needs to be addressed first. There is no reason for anyone to feel that they are not able to be good enough to have real relationships with real people in person. Because, the reality is that we all can clean up our acts some, being the imperfect people we are – and yet, till we are able to respect others for who they are and what they believe given the different family and perhaps culture they grew up in, happiness will be a wish, instead of a way of life.