A person on Quora asked me this question, which could be very upsetting to most anyone. Here is how I answered the question:
This may be a shock to you, but your therapist is doing you the best favor ever! I wish many more would have the common sense to know when they have gone as far as they can with patients and refer them to someone who has a different manner of working, maybe a specialization in the patient’s issues instead of feeling frustrated by the ineffectiveness of the work they are doing with their patients. It takes a form of humility that is lacking in the field to be willing to do this most important service for those patients who could do more and better with someone with different training.
The other thing that you need to realize is that unless a person has an incurable mental illness, such as personality disorders or schizophrenia, it is not intended to be a life-long deal. One needs to learn how to function in life for one’s self for that is the purpose of therapy – not a co-dependent affair where one is incapable of living without the weekly sessions. This is a huge problem that I have with the 12-step programs. There is a difference between receiving the support one needs to overcome a difficult situation and feeling completely dependent on that support. And, in terms of 12-step programs, I have helped 1,000s of clients over the last 20 years let go of all types of addictions for over a decade and a half so it is doable, but one needs the right tools and techniques along with having an open space for the client to be able to move on from their addictions for good! This sadly, isn’t the paradigm for addicts, but it needs to be because they can let them go for good, be it substance abuse, eating disorders, sex addiction, etc.
Thanks for your question. Thank your therapist for his humility and see who he may have to refer you to. Do a free consult with them over the phone to see if you ‘clique’ and if so set up an appointment. If not, continue until you find someone who is worth your investing your time and emotions into getting to know you well enough to trust and work well with. Good luck on your healing journey.
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