This was a question by a person on Quora which I found to be rather important. Here is how I answered it:
This is an excellent question. Thanks for asking it!
- After 30 years in the world of mental health, I can tell you that the most important thing for clients to avoid is using their mental health diagnosis as a reason for not being able to do those things that one needs to do to take care of one’s self. For example: There are too many people out there claiming to have to ADD/ADHD stating that it is impossible for them to concentrate on many things, however, they have the deep concentration for those things they most enjoy. Well, I have news for these folks: If you can concentrate on one thing, you have the ability to concentrate. So, find a reason to concentrate on those things you would prefer to ignore and you have overcome your problem! I have helped many of my hypnosis clients do just that over the 20+ years I have been a hypnotist.
2. Never allow another to use your diagnosis against you in any way. They are not licensed to use these medical terms so they have no idea what they are speaking about in the first place. People do this to undermine you, so never allow it. If someone is using such terms with you, call them out on it asking them when you employed them to be your mental health professional. The answer would be that you didn’t. Next, tell them that if they have any concerns about you to tell you what they have observed behaviorally. In that way, they can inform you of their concerns without overrunning your boundaries.
3. Never argue for your illness and the dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors that encompass them. Your therapist is there to help you to understand why they are there and give you strategies to overcome them. And, yes there may be some suggestions that are scary to you, and you still need to assess them and most probably do them so you can overcome the difficulties that you have been experiencing.
4. Never allow your therapist to tell you how you are thinking or feeling. They have no way to know and it is a boundary break that makes most clients feel poorly about their therapist. If this happens to you have a frank conversation telling your therapist that they overran your boundary and that from then on they need to confirm what they feel may be going on inside your mind instead of stating it as fact.
5. Every therapist who is worth working with is never going to take anything you say personally. They realize that clients get frustrated and can say some pretty mean things as a result. However, there are times when a client is out of order in making these statements and needs to be called on them to learn how to better communicate. Because it is only to the degree that a client can communicate their thoughts and feelings effectively with their therapist that they will be able to carry those skills out into their world with the people with whom they need to interact.
6. Keeping information regarding how you are feeling or something that you did that you do not feel comfortable sharing. The therapist is not a mind reader and as such can only help you to the degree that you are honest about the events that you need to process during your sessions. If you withhold information because you are embarrassed or worse because you do not trust your therapist to keep your confidentiality, it is time for you to seek out a therapist with who you feel safe sharing everything that you need for your healing to take place.
7. Your therapist is there to help you and keep you safe, so you need to trust that the therapist has your best interest at heart. If you are a person who has difficulty with trust issues because of your history, this is the foundation of the work that you need to do with your therapist, to feel safe disclosing what you need to for your therapist to facilitate your healing because only you can heal yourself.
8. The amount of healing that you receive is in direct proportion to the amount of effort you put into your healing journey. If a client is full of reasons, rationalizations, and excuses, the amount of healing possible is close to zero. Therapy requires the client to be an active participant in the therapy which means bringing up those issues that need bringing up, listening to the therapist, and assessing if the ideas are given work for you and if so implementing them. If not, discuss with your therapist why you feel that the idea is not something you feel will help you out. following through on the homework given. Mainly it takes an active participant in the therapy to gain the positive changes one has employed the therapist to bring into being.
9. Medication may help to alleviate some of the symptoms, but it is never going to help you to heal the foundational causes for your symptoms. It is much better to go without medication and learn how to self-regulate your feelings and thoughts through the process that therapy. The only exception to that rule would be if one has psychotic features that need to be controlled.
10. Therapy can be a great avenue to learn more about who you are, what your values are, and how you can best contribute to this world. However, it takes time and commitment to allow this to happen.
I could probably come up with many more areas that a therapist would want their client to know, but this is a fairly comprehensive list of the most important ones that I speak to my clients about not during their sessions, but before I even decide to take them on as a client. Because I choose to work with those clients that are committed to doing whatever it takes to heal without the need to blame the world for their problems. Every person on this planet has had challenges, some more intense than others, and yet some of those who had the most to overcome did so including a client of mine who had her first baby at the age of 14 and a second at the age of 16 both with abusive partners, raising those kids on her own and becoming a PH.D. tenured professor at not 1 but 2 ivy league schools.
I had another client who had major stomach pain that the great doctors and psychiatrists at Massachusetts General Hospital could not help her relieve, she was in a dysfunctional relationship with her partner who was able to overcome the pain and complete her Doctorate in Education while dropping the 50 pounds she gained after being bedridden for the 5 years previous to our working together.
11. It is the client’s mindset being focused on healing that gains them the healing and a much better quality of life which is as true for most physical health issues as well as mental health issues.
Thanks again for this most important and original question never saw it or one related to it in the 5+ years I have been answering questions on Quora.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.