Our Teens Need Our Unconditional Love and Support, Vol. 454, May 24, 2018
Our teens are in grave trouble. Too many of them are feeling depressed and anxious. About 13% of teens 12-17 years old have experience one major depressive episode and one in three teens who are dealing with some form of anxiety according to Child Mind Institute.
We adults need to do a much better job of taking care of our kids. I can tell you from 16 plus years in hypnosis practice, that my teen clients are feeling overwhelmed with all the things that they feel they need to do to make everyone else but them, happy with them.
Many are feeling the stress of participating in one or more sports to get scholarships to go to college. Many are in multiple advanced placement courses, also to be able to attend the best colleges possible and perhaps get a scholarship. Many are so over scheduled with activities during their days that they are exhausted by the time they are able to finally get to bed.
Why is it that we adults feel the need to put this ridiculous pressure on our kids? Because, the reality of the situation is that there are many more ‘average’ kids, then ‘extraordinary’ kids, by definition.
I know that while I was in California, I worked with one kid that was very clear that she felt that her upper class mother, in particular, wanted to increase her own status through her college kid’s academic career. The only problem was that this kid had some fairly severe issues with not being able to do her school work, and never felt that she was loved and appreciated for who she actually is, by her own mother. This is because she didn’t live up to her mother’s expectations given this teen’s issues with autism.
You know, if you have a child, it is your job to love and accept them unconditionally, respecting them for who they are, not the kid you wished you had. Having grown up myself without ever speaking till I was 5 years old with the help of a speech therapist, and needing all sorts of extra help and tutoring to make it through elementary school – I can tell you it is frustrating enough. I was blessed to have loving parents who only wanted me to have what I needed to be able to create a life that would work for me with appropriate skills in learning. I never felt lesser then anyone, thank God, but I can relate to the absolute irritation of having to do 10 times the amount of work my sisters had to do, for much lesser grades to get through school.
If you want to have healthy teens who love themselves enough to take care of themselves, instead of developing all sorts of mental illnesses, understand that your job as a parent is to help your kids receive what they need to be effective adults – through unconditional love and sharing your wisdom (those lessons you learned going through the “school of hard knocks’). Lead with love while giving credit for applying themselves to do the best they could in whatever situation they are in. Give them the support necessary to succeed, without adding to their own self-doubts. And by all means, stop believing that your kid is there to fulfill whatever it was that you never did achieve for yourself. That isn’t and will never be their responsibility. Their responsibility is to be the best they can be based on who they are and the interests that they have in life.
One other thing that I have noticed through these years, is the absolute crap our kids are given to eat. Fast food is void of nutrients, and is damaging to your kid’s health – stop feeding it to them. Candy with artificial dyes and flavors are horrible especially for kids on the autism spectrum. They need whole, real foods to eat, given the lack of a very important microbe in their gut. This is why they have intestinal problems. Eat real food and give that to your teen. They are growing and need the nutrition to have half a chance to develop healthy bodies and functional minds.
Let’s stop kidding ourselves that our teens need to be everything we want them to be and allow them to be who they are, doing those things that matter to them, including time for rest and reflection.
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