Feb 18 2016

11 Ways To Overcome Social Shyness (Anxiety)

Shyness 11 Ways To Overcome Social Shyness (Anxiety) – Vol. 349 – February 18, 2016

Over the years I have worked with many clients who have found it overwhelming to be in groups of more than one or two other people. I have also seen many clients who feel uncomfortable in the world of dating, because they find it hard to concentrate on the other person, not knowing how to begin conversations or realizing that they look down much of the time, instead of looking at the person with whom they are conversing.

Here are 10 Ways to Overcome Your Shyness:

  1. Before you even go to the event, think about some things that you can say to open the conversation up. You can even go through it a few times in your mind, to make you more comfortable while you are there.
  2. Focus on the other person more, then being worried about what you may “seem like” to them. As the great hypnotist, Milton Erickson used to say, “Stop the mind reading.” What he meant by this is that there is no way for you to know what another person may be thinking, so why even go there. Instead, start with a heart felt compliment about the person in front of you. Notice if they have healthy shiny hair, beautiful eyes a nice complexion, or perhaps they are wearing something that you find very attractive.
  3. If you are at a venue where you met this person, you must have something in common with the person, or you wouldn’t be there. So, ask if they know the person whose home you may be at, or about the event and what brought them there. Or, maybe its a concert or a museum, a meetup group – just ask a question about the why they are there. Make it a question that can’t be answered with only a “yes” or “no.”
  4. In most societies, people have a better opinion of you if you look them in the eyes when you speak to them. Looking people in the eyes, means you are interested and care about what they have to say. So, be aware of that fact and do your best to look at the person or people that you are interacting with eye contact
  5.  If the person ask you a question, answer from your experience. If you don’t have an    answer to their question, you can just let the other person know that you really don’t have an opinion on the subject or that you really don’t know much about what it is that they are speaking about. No one can know everything that can be known out there in the world. If the person is someone that you feel comfortable enough to be speaking with, ask for more information. People love to speak about the things that they are interested in, so this is an excellent way to continue the conversation while showing interest in them. If you aren’t interested in continuing the conversation, just tell the person it was nice to meet them and then excuse yourself to use the restroom or get more food.
  6. When you are in new situations, do be aware of what you are saying. Self-depreciation isn’t becoming of anyone. If you start hearing yourself putting yourself down, catch yourself and instead ask that person a question.
  7.  Monitor your self-talk for statements like “This is scary.” or “I am nervous.” Instead turn these negative thoughts around by having the thought, “I may meet someone really special that I wouldn’t have met had I not come to this event.” You can also remind yourself that you have come through many such occasions in the past and you are still quite fine. Maybe you could even think back to a social occasion where you were a bit nervous about, turned out very well having met some very interesting and maybe even fun people.
  8. If you feel that a person is “rejecting” you in some fashion, remember that you have no idea what is really going on in their mind. It may be that they are dealing with a problem that has nothing to do with you, and may be personal. Or, it may be that the two of you have nothing in common, and so, its best to let that be and go meet someone else.
  9. To build rapport with another, speak at the same rate as they do at the same volume. Position your body so it is similar to theirs at 90 degree angles if at all possible. This will help you both to feel more comfortable with one another.
  10. Watch your body language, understanding that 55% of our communication does come from our body language alone. The tone of voice used accounts for about 38% and the words we use about 7%. So, body language is very important in conveying your real thoughts and ideas. With that understood also watch their body language of those with whom you are speaking and respond accordingly.
  11. Practice by going out into the world and starting little conversations with people you stand on line at the bank or at the grocery store. As you practice these skill soon you will realize that people are just people. Most people are more the willing to interact with you, find out about you. That is if you demonstrate that you are interested in learning more about them. I have had some of my best conversations with total strangers waiting on lines at various places. So, go at it and make it a game to see how many people you can start a conversation with and leave feeling better for having had it. In time, you will find your social shyness going away.

    

Feb 15 2016

133:Your Friends, How Are They Affecting Your Health

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:22 — 13.1MB)

It has been said the we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Are you spending your time with the right people?

Feb 11 2016

STDs and Our Youth: What Are The Facts?

215/365 - This Strawberrybananna smoothie is better than the Wildberry (:STDs and Our Youth: What Are The Facts? -Vol. 348 – February 11, 2016 

The rate of casual sex is going up among our youth and for that reason it is necessary for us to better understand exactly what is going on and how to help them to get the assistance they require.

Sexually transmitted diseases are infections that are passed during sex. Some only infect your genitals while others become systemic infections. Those would include: HIV, hepatitis B and syphilis. The worrying aspect to STDs is that many times there are no symptoms to warn you that is anything is wrong in your body.

First lets be clear that sexually transmitted diseases are spread during vaginal, anal, and oral sex and sometimes even by touching. HIV and Hepatitis B are also spread through the contact with infected blood.

Germs need to live in warm, moist areas. That is why they infect the mouth, rectum, sex organs including the vagina, vulva, penis and testes.

Many STDs can be cured with antibiotics take exactly the way the doctor has advised. Others can be treated and managed to keep the symptoms at bay.

You MUST tell you partner if you are infected because if they aren’t treated, they can get sick as well as become carriers of these infections to their next partners. They may even give it to you again, if you were lucky enough to be cured.

Here are the STDs symptoms, how you contract them and what will happen if you don’t get them treated:

Chlamydia: Symptoms show up 7-28 days after having sex and most women and some men will not have any symptoms.

Symptoms:

Women: Discharge from the vagina, bleeding from the vagina between periods, burning or pain while urinating. You will feel the need to urinate more frequently.

Pain in the abdomen, sometimes with fever or nausea.

Men: Watery white drip from penis, burning pain when you urinate,or have a bowel movement. You will need to urinate more often. You may have swollen or tender testicles.

It is spread during vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has chlamydia.

If you don’t get treated: You can give chlamydia to your partner(s0.

                                      It can lead to a more serious infection.

                                      Women & possibly men will no longer be able to have children.

                                      A woman with chlamydia can give it to her children during birth.

Gonorrhea: Symptoms show up 2 -21 days after having sex. Most women and some men don’t experience any symptoms.

Symptoms:

Women: Thick yellow or gray discharge from the vagina, burning pain when you urinate of have a bowel movement, Abnormal periods or bleeding between periods, cramps and pain in the lower abdomen – belly.

Men: Thick yellow or greenish drip form the penis, burning pain when you urinate or have a bowel movement, need to urinate more often, swollen or tender testicles.

Spread during vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has gonorrhea.

If you don’t get it treated: You can give gonorrhea to your sex partner(s).

                                         Can lead to a serious infection, reproductive organs damaged.

                                         Both men and woman may not be able to have children.

                                         Can cause: heart trouble, skin disease, arthritis, & blindness.

                                         A mother with gonorrhea can give it to her baby in the womb &

                                             during childbirth.

Hepatitis B: Symptoms show up in 1-9 months after having sex!

Most women and some men won’t have any symptoms.

Symptoms:

Women: Many people don’t have any symptoms or have mild symptoms., Flu-like feelings that don’t go away, tiredness, jaundice (yellow skin), dark urine, light colored bowel movements.

Spread during vaginal, anal, oral se with someone who has hepatitis B.

Spread by sharing needles to inject drugs, or for any other reason.

Spread by contact with infected blood.

If you don’t get it treated: You can give Hepatitis B to your sex partner(s) or

                                              someone with whom you share a needle.

                                         Some recover completely & some will always have symptoms.

                                         Can cause permanent live damage and even liver cancer.

                                         A mother with hepatitis B can give it to her baby during birth.

Herpes: Symptoms show up 1-30 days or longer after having sex.

Symptoms: Most people don’t experience symptoms. Symptoms are: Flu-like feelings, small painful blisters on he sex organs or mouth, itching or burning before the blisters appear, blisters go away, but you still have herpes, and the blisters can come back.

Spread during vaginal, anal or oral sex and sometimes by genital touching, with someone with herpes.

If you don’t get it treated: You can give herpes to your sex partner(s).

                                         A mother with herpes can give it to her baby during birth.

HIV/AIDS: Symptoms may show up several months to several years after contact with someone with the HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

Symptoms: Many people don’t experience any symptoms for several years!

                   Unexplained weight loss or tiredness. Flu-like feelings that don’t go away,

                   Diarrhea, white spots on the mouth.

In Women: all of the above plus yeast infections that won’t go away.

Spread during vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has HIV.

Spread by sharing needles to inject drugs or for any other reason.

Spread by contact with infected blood.

If you don’t get it treated: You can give HIV to your partner(s).

                                         HIV can’t be cured, medicine can help control it.

                                         Can cause illness or death.

                                         An infected mother can give HIV to her baby in the

                                           womb, during birth or while breast feeding.

         

                   

      

HPV/Genital Warts: Symptoms show up weeks, months or years after contact with HPV.

Symptoms: Many people don’t show any symptoms.

Some types of genital warts: Small bumpy warts on the sex organs & anus.

                                               Itching or burning around the sex organs.

                                               After warts leave, the virus sometimes stays in the body.

                                               The warts can come back.

NOTE: Some types cause cervical cancer in women:

            Cell changes on the cervix can only be detected by the Pap Test from health

                  care provider.

Spread during vaginal, anal or oral sex, and sometimes by genital touching, with someone who has HPV.

If you don’t get it treated: You may give HPV to your sex partner(s).

                                         Most HPV goes away on its own in about 2 years.

                                         Warts may go away on their own, remain unchanged or

                                             grow and spread.

                                         A mother with warts can give them to her baby during birth.

                                         Some types can lead to cervical cancer if not treated.

Syphilis: 1st Stage: symptoms show up 1-12 weeks after having sex.

                A painless sore or sores on he mouth or sex organs.

                Sores last 2-6 weeks.

                Sores go away, but you still have syphilis.

               2nd Stage: Symptoms show up as the sores heal or after:

                                A rash anywhere in the body.

                                Flu-like feelings.

                                Rash and Flu-like feelings go away but you still have syphilis.

Spread during vaginal sex.

If you don’t get it treated: You may give syphilis to your partner(s).

                                        A mother with syphilis can give it to her baby during birth or

                                            have a miscarriage.

                                        Can cause heart disease, brain damage, blindness & death.

Trichomoniasis or “Trich”: Symptoms show up 5-28 days after having sex.

Affects both men and women with may people not having any symptoms.

Symptoms:

Women: Itching, bleeding or irritation in the vagina, yellow, greenish or gray discharge from the vagina.

Men: Watery, white drip from the penis, burning pain when you urinate, need to urinate more often.

Spread during vaginal sex.

If you don’t get it treated: You can give trich to your sex partner(s)

                                         Uncomfortable symptoms will continue.

                                         Men can get infections in their prostate gland.

Now, if this was enough to let you know that this is serious stuff to deal with, here are some things you can do to protect yourself:

Refraining from sex is the best protection of course. Having sex with only one uninfected partner who is only having sex with you is the next safest way to handle this situation.

If you have sex: Use a latex condom with water based lubricant (to not harm the latex) every time you have vaginal, anal or oral sex. Condoms will protect you from STDs much of the time – about 75%.

Use plastic (polyurethane condoms) if you are allergic to latex. These come for both men and woman.

Talk to your partner about past sex partners and about needle drug use. Don’t have sex with anyone who you think may have an STD.

Look closely at your partner for any signs of STD, rash, a sore, warts or a discharge. If you see anything at all that you are concerned about, refrain from having sex!

Protective Actions You can Take:

Vaccines can help protect you: against hepatitis B, and some types of HPV – do ask your health care provider about receiving these.

Know the signs and symptoms of STDs, so if you feel you may contracted one, you can have it checked out.

If you have been having sex with new partners, its a good idea to be checked out to make sure that you aren’t carrying something and not know it.

Please understand that some of these diseases are painful while others can take away aspects of your youth’s life that they now take for granted if not their life itself. It is very important to be realistic and proactive about your dealings with STDs having the “hard” conversations to make certain that your kids have the facts and no where to turn in case they need to access services.

            

*** I want to credit  ETR Associates, a non-profit organization for their wonderful pamphlet for the exact information regarding the STDs that are in this newsletter.

  

                    

                

Feb 08 2016

132:How to Own Your Own Life

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 20:06 — 18.4MB)

Do you control your time or is it dominated by your boss, your co- workers, your significant other, your friends, your family and the list goes on. Take back your life today with practical, actionable tips.

Feb 04 2016

The Sad Reality of the Increase In Young Male Suicides

InsomniaThe Sad Reality of the Increase In Young Male Suicides – Vol. 347 – February 4, 2016 

In the last week I had two discussions with parents of two different 14 year old boys who were dealing with some very difficult issues around “fitting in” at school in one case, and unable to attend school due to medical issues in the other case.

The parents in both cases were clear that their teen boys needed assistance, yet in one case it was stated as OCD and PANDAS – which is an infection to the brain by strep – and the other was stated to be a need to learn to transition better because of his ADD.

What neither parent was able to see in their child was the deep sadness, sense of loss, and frustration they felt for being “different” and thus not “fitting in” with their peers.

Though OCD, PANDAS and ADD can certainly create some issues that need to be contended with, the more serious issue is that of depression. This is because the nature of depression is to progress from feelings of “not wanting to be in this world any longer, it’s just too hard” to “I want to kill myself”, to having a plan, to doing the suicidal act. So, this is the most serious of all conditions that needs to be cleared – even before any of the other stuff can be dealt with. This is because a depressed mind is not functioning at a level where the possibility of health and happiness even exists. Everything is waaaaaay to hard to deal with, so rolling over in bed is the method most use to shut out the world.

With kids, the use of technology to “play” operates in the same fashion as any addiction would a person from an earlier generation with regard to shutting out the painful thoughts by over medicating with alcohol or drugs, gambling, sex addiction, workaholism, etc.

If you don’t believe this is a problem, let me give you the very sad statistics, to open your mind to what you may be truly dealing with:

According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, the suicide rate in 2007 for the United States was 10.9 per 100,000, where the rate for adolescent males ages 15 – 24 was much higher at 20.3 per 100,000. It is the third leading cause of death of male youth,( Kochanek, Murphy, Anderson & Scott, 2002), occurring four to five times the rate of suicide among adolescent females, 3.5% per 100,000 (National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2006; Prevention of Suicide in Adolescents, 2006).

Adolescent females will attempt suicide four to five more times than males, however the males successfully complete suicide much more often.The reason that males complete the suicide more often is because of the fast acting methods they employ including hanging themselves or using a firearm. Females will use pills which are do not have as an immediate response to the body.

Why are our young males doing these deadly acts to themselves? This is a good question and one that isn’t as fully understood as it needs to be. However, here are a few answers that I found in Psychology Today in the article “Boys To Men written by Mile Groth, Ph.D., August of 2013.

The first issue is that of young males not having a father in their household in which to role model. This leaves a young male uncertain of what his role is to be in our society. I would say from the young males that I have treated for depression, many father’s or parents, in general expect their kids to fulfill the same goals they did or worse, those goals they never fulfilled themselves. This puts undo stress on a teen who is working on figuring out his own identity, separating from his parents as a normal part of maturation. The expectation that a teen has to be “perfect” in every respect to get into Ivy League universities or to follow in the father’s career footsteps is also a huge detriment to the teen being able to figure out who he is and what he would like to do with his own life, this being the second reason listed for the high rate of suicides particularly among young males.

Body image and dating females also comes into question at this stage in life. I would add that I lost my best childhood friend at the age of 39 because he was gay and his parents didn’t see it, didn’t acknowledge it even after he hung himself. During high school his mother was always asking him when he would be going on a date with some girl, and this put him in a double bind. He wasn’t interested in girls from the time he was 6 years old if not before given the way he wanted to play the “mother’ when we played house as kids.

There is also this idea that a kid by the time they are 18 ought to know exactly what they want to do with their lives, and yet, few males have a clue. They are still maturing and figuring out who they are, never mind what they want to dedicate their life’s energy on career wise. This takes young males a lot longer to figure out then their female peers who many times know what they want once they get out of college.

Lastly, because there has been so much press about “the end of men” or “Are Men Necessary,”,many young males may wonder if there is a place for them in our world as it currently is.

Add the sorts of mental health and physical health issues I spoke about in the beginning of this article to these very hard questions these kids are asking themselves, and one can better understand why it is that we may have more suicides among young men today then we have ever seen before.

It is my deepest desire to help our youth to understand that they can indeed have joyful and fulfilled lives, if they would only reach out and get the help they need before they end up as a statistic as my best friend sadly became.

If you believe that your teen or college kid is feeling too much pressure in school, not feeling like they are fitting in, or are battling some health issue – please do let them know that you believe that they are not feeling particularly joyful and why it is that you came to this conclusion. Then ask them if that feels right to them? Let them talk, if they will, and listen to everything they are saying, what they are saying between the lines and most of all what they are failing to tell you.

It is your job as the parent to keep your children safe and to receive the help they require. To do that you need to be alert as to the changes in your child’s demeanor:

  1. Is he angry, sad, irritable or frustrated more then he was in the past?
  2. Are his school grades dipping?
  3. Is he sleeping more or not at all?
  4. Is he eating way more than before especially crap food, or not eating much at all? 
  5. Are there any new friends that you may not feel are very good for him because of their being involved in drugs or uninterested in school or productive activities?
  6. Is he pulling away from social engagements or activities he once enjoyed.

These are all symptoms of depression that one needs to be aware of to truly help your son out of the “funk” that could unfortunately take his life if you hide yourself from these clues. Please be proactive for the sake of your sons and of your family as a whole. Because once a kid commits suicide it becomes a trauma for all who knew him during his life. I get to treat many who have had this occur in their families and with their close friends, as well as having to deal with it myself.

Feb 01 2016

131:How To Have A Better Relationship with Your Partner

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 19:20 — 17.7MB)

Do you have the sort of relationship you truly desire with your partner? If not, then these tips might helpful in propelling your relationship in the right direction.

Jan 28 2016

Charlie Sheen’s Announcement of Having HIV: It’s Time For Our Society and World to Grow Up!

Charlie Sheen in March 2009

Charlie Sheen in March 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Charlie Sheen’s Announcement of Having HIV: It’s Time For Our Society and World to Grow Up! – Vol. 346, January 28, 2016 – 

We live in an interesting and hypocritical society where sexuality is all over the screens we watch and the billboards placed in front of us, and yet, the notion of dealing with the realities of a sexually transmitted disease, is thought to be scandalous to some.

From my perspective a disease process is a disease process and deserves to be treated as such. There needn’t be any stigma attached to it for any reason.

If we as a society are so obsessed with our bodies, how our bodies look, usually to be sexually attractive to the person we choose to partner with, and how talented we may or may not be in the realms of expressing our sexual prowess, why would it be a surprise that sexually transmitted diseases occur and need to be treated – in a respectful and humane manner?

Many years ago, while I was in nursing school, I wrote a paper about the distigmatization of mental illness. My main point was that it was for those of us who have had our mental illness treated and were leading successful lives (within our own definitions) to educate the ignorant about what mental illness is: the negative impact it has on one’s ability to function and in all too many cases, disrupts families, some parents and siblings fearful of “catching” the illness, while educating about the ability to appropriately treat it. 

Of course we do know that many mental illnesses are hereditary, and I have found that, through the use of hypnotic technique, mine is no more. However, my main point here is to bring out the reality check that our nation and our world needs to have when it comes to understanding that no one is “wrong,” “a bad person,” or not entitled to care, especially when we are speaking of a very communicable disease such as HIV. Indeed as a society and as a world, we need to be practical in the manner in which we help these folks to get their medication, and anything else needed to stop the spread of this deadly, yet today, more manageable illness.

When an illness is understood and treated for what it is, no one would be able to extort money from anyone for that reason. It is time for our society to grow up and stop the hysterical, and immature attitudes given toward these stigmatized illnesses, medically treating the people who have them in the best manner we have available, allowing our citizens to be the healthy, productive and happy people with whom we would all love to share our world.

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