Apr 07 2016

Do You Really Care If Your Family Goes To Your Funeral?

FuneralDo You Really Care If Your Family Goes To Your Funeral? -Vol. 356, April 7, 2016 

A couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law passed away. She died from cancer, after it showed up a second time. I knew when my ex, her son, told me that she had fallen down and couldn’t get up, a tumor found on her thigh bumping into a nerve – that the cancer had progressed. This after a tumor was found in her liver a few months ago. About a week after she fell down, she was dead.

There are so many things that I could speak to here, such as the fact that chemotherapy does nothing more than kill the immune system – the opposite of bringing health back. The fact that the usual allopathic treatment kills 97.9% of the people who undergo it because it doesn’t treat the cause of the problem, which is malnutrition of the body due to the crap we humans eat, especially here in the United States where we don’t even know what is in our food. But, that isn’t what this weblog is about. What this weblog is about is the true meaning of “love’ and ‘being interested’ in those we say we love.

So, I was having a conversation with my ex, seeing how he was doing given the death of his mother. He was doing okay. I asked how the memorial service went and he noted that the entire Cushing family was there. She was a Cushing before she married a Zinck. I observed the fact that it was great that these folks could all show up for her memorial service. However, my real question was: How many of these “Cushings” were there for Sandalee as she was going through her chemotherapy treatments? How many were there to do check in phone calls to see how she was doing? How many sent her cards in the old fashioned way to bring a smile to her face? How many visited with her to let them know that they truly gave a damn?

I don’t really know the answer to that question because I wasn’t there and I never spoke to Sandy about what anyone else was doing. Though I do know that she and her sister did indeed spend time together regularly and that her son did indeed visit and call her, and that her daughter and son-in-law did the brunt of the work, both as she was ill and now that she is gone, living in close proximity of her condo.

You see, I have a very simple philosophy of life that goes like this: If you don’t have the time to spend with me while I am alive, I sure as hell don’t want you going out of your way to care about me once I am no longer among the living.

To me loving relationships are loving because you “feel” something in your heart when you think of that person. A loving relationship exists when you stop worrying about all the work you have to get done, because you know, work will always be there anyway. Or, because you have so many other responsibilities in life, because you know, life is complicated and over full these days.

My question to you is simply this: Why are you running around like a lunatic filling your life with activities, instead of filling your life with loving friendships? I have many answers for this particular question based on 30 plus years in the mental health field – and my guess is, that if you are conscious at all, you too know why you run away from yourself and anything that truly matters in running these addictive behaviors – no matter what you may want to believe they stand for.

Look, I have been to the poorest areas of Kenya and Uganda and the one thing that I can tell you about the people over there is that though they may not have much materially, they have more then the average American does in that which makes life on this planet earth worth living. They have loving and caring relationships with their family and their communities based on the fact that if they didn’t, they would not be able to survive.

So, if you are lucky enough to have people in your life that you say you love, why in the hell don’t you actually demonstrate it NOW while you have the chance, instead of waiting till they are dead and going to their funeral – which you know is put together for you, not the dead – so that you can heal yourself in regard to that particular relationship.

I don’t need anyone at my funeral and so I am not going to have one – at least if those who are given my directives do as I request. Once I am dead, I won’t have a whole lot to say over the issue. All we can do is let it be known what we desire.

Because, this is my truth: From too many years of watching people emotionally and physically and even sexually abuse those they say they love: Love doesn’t hurt, love heals. But,in order to truly love someone, you need to be present, in the moment with a caring heart and an interested mind – otherwise you are fooling yourself.

If you are one of the many who has a ton of acquaintances and feel alone in the world, perhaps this is the reason. You are so involved in your day-to-day existence there is no time or thought put into being present for anyone else. And, maybe the reason that is so, is because you are busy running away from the stories you tell yourself about how you are “unlovable.” If this is you, there are people such as myself here to help you overcome that misdirected thought – and that is your responsibility to get handled.

If you are lucky enough to have a family, a family that you believe that you care about, its high time you put the time and effort into unconditionally loving them, helping your kids learn what it means to be a responsible caring citizen of this world. And, if you aren’t up for that, perhaps you can stop speaking to your kid and start listening to them, because the younger they are the more wonderful their idealism and curiosity. And, who knows, you may learn something that you find more important than most of the schools of higher education would teach you, if you would only listen and learn from them.

So, do you care if anyone shows up at your funeral? Maybe you do. My hope is that I gave you a different take from what one normally gets from this new perspective on what truly matters in this world and why, at least according to my philosophy on the subject.

Apr 04 2016

140:Being a Youth Means Messing Up

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:04 — 34.8MB)

Today, Suzanne interviews a 19 year old who has something she would like to say to the parents of the world. If you are open minded enough to hear it, then you are invited to listen. (Warning: This show contains some explicit language)

Mar 31 2016

The Fall From Grace and Living With Dignity: Female Professional Ice Skaters

 ice nymph : skater, union square, san francisco (2013)The Fall From Grace and Living With Dignity: Female Professional Ice Skaters – Vol. 355, March 31 

From my youngest years, I recall spending time with my family in front of the television watching professional ice skating competitions on ABC Sports. The grace and strength required to be a great figure skater is something few have the ability to combine.

I saw an article that was written in November 2015 regarding , the first black to ever win an Olympic ice skating medal, fall from grace. She did indeed become an orthopedic surgeon, after her Olympic win. However, she had a difficult time dealing with the conventional medical system. She became a doctor to help people heal, yet, she found that to be difficult to impossible to do. She noted that she has a mood disorder which may have allowed her to achieve the incredible things that she has. However, there was a bleak side, divorced from her second husband, while her son’s father  was given custody of him. Mean while she is living with a recovering alcoholic and his two children in a broken down trailer in Virginia. She says she wants to bring health care to the poor who deserve it. I can understand how she feels, given the college kids that I have had the opportunity to help whose parents didn’t have the funds to help them with payment – they self paid for their service with me. To date all of them are doing extremely well having the guts to confront their issues head on, allowing them to get their college educations and into their chosen professions.

Nicole Bobec, another Olympian apparently got involved in drugs, crystal meth in her case, and was arrested for being part of a drug ring. She has turned her life around, bringing some sense of responsibility to the occasion. Her main message is to be a role model to anyone who may have fallen. They too can get up and do well in life. She expresses the thought that no one need be perfect. However, one needs to take responsibility for one’s choices and make better choices moving forward.

Tai Babilonia, turned professional at age 20. She said that alcoholism was the battle she had to overcome. Without parents or coaches around to help guide her, she went to the alcohol to help her to get through the night’s show. Because, when one is an amateur there are three times a year one has to turn in their best. Once one is a professional, it is a non-stop schedule of shows, and that became a bit too much for Tai to deal with at such a tender age. These days she’s involved in “The Teen Project” which gives 100 substance abusing girls a refuge who have aged out of the foster care system.

There are also those who have been very successful and moved on with their lives such as Katerina Witt who became a broadcaster for the ice competitions and was a professional skater putting on shows with Brian Boitano. There is Surya Bonaly who was determined to be the first woman to land a quad toe loop and did so. She was also the only female to do a back flip on the ice and land on one foot. At the age of 41 she is still skating and doing ice shows.

Michelle Kwan also a multiple Olympian with great grace and athleticism had done with her life after skating. She is currently working for Hillary Clinton’s campaign, having met her while she worked at the U.S. State Department’s Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs after earning a masters degree from Tufts University in law and diplomacy.

Dorothy Hamill won the Olympic gold in 1976. She was treated for breast cancer in 2008 and now is a spokesperson to raise awareness about it.

So, for those of us who haven’t been shining stars out there in the world of athletics, or anywhere else, just mere mortals, looking up to some incredible talent over the years, we can be humbled by the fact that people are just people after all. Some are able to deal with the pressures life brings them better than others. However, the one thing that is most notable is that regardless of the decent fallen, those who have battled their way to the top, somehow figure out a way to climb out, a bit more humbled for their experience. I believe that is a learning that we can all learn from.

Mar 28 2016

139:How Is Your Health Doing

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 13:33 — 12.4MB)

Here are some health tips from Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.

Mar 24 2016

Do You Know Where Your Teen is On the Alcohol & Drug Spectrum?

TeenagersDo You Know Where Your Teen is On the Alcohol & Drug Spectrum? – Vol. 354, March 24, 2016  

Over the past year of so, I have been a volunteer on the Lomita-Torrance Teen Drug Prevention Council. It has been a most eye opening experience, and not in a very positive way. This is because there are so many terribly damaging drugs out there that didn’t exist in my day, most especially the synthetic ones.  Teens are using these drugs more then in my day because they are: so overwhelmed with all the stimulation in their lives via technology, handling images and ideas that they aren’t old enough to understand, forced into competitive activities to get them into the best colleges before they are even old enough to talk, stressed to the max. The need to escape their frenzied minds puts them at risk for drug and alcohol abuse at earlier ages.

To give you an idea of what my own community here in the South Bay area of Los Angeles is dealing with, other wise known as “the Beach Cities”  here are some statistics: 53% of teens drank alcohol in the past month, which is 14% higher then the national average. Binge drinking was reported by 25% with 52% riding in a car with someone who had been drinking. It is somewhat easy to get alcohol according to 67% of the teens in this community.

Teens have access to all the usual drugs parents are familiar with including: marijuana, prescription pills, and cocaine. Add to these synthetic marijuana, inhalants and ecstasy, many times more potent over the last two decades making them much riskier to use.

You need to understand that a teen’s brain is still developing until they are 25 to 26 years old. The areas of the brain that are involved are those needed for decision making, impulse control, judgement, and risk assessment. Sadly, drug use and abuse can alter the structure and the development of these functions. Those who start drinking before age 15 are much more likely to have alcohol dependency or abuse later in life.

You need to be observant and be speaking to your teen to get an idea whether they may be headed into these troubles that neither of you want to deal with given the great pain it creates for entire families. Drug testing is highly recommended if you feel your teen is experimenting or abusing drugs. If your teen has nothing to hide, there will not be any resistance with your desire to have the testing done.

A negative reaction, a reluctance to be tested for drugs, could indicate use. When addressing your teen about your concerns, both you and your spouse need to be involved to let your teen know that you are aligned together on this important subject of your teens health and wellbeing. If there is any discord between the two of you, your teen could use it to his or her advantage, so be speaking as a unified couple.

Signs to look for:

Physical: blood shot eyes, dilated/contracted pupils, deterioration of personal appearance, impaired coordination and speech, tremors, and unusual smells on breath, body, and clothes.

Psychological: sudden mood swings, irritability, unexplained changes in personality, lack of motivation, periods of unusual hyperactivity, paranoia/anxiety.

Behavioral: drop in performance and attendance at school, unexplained financial problems, missing money from your wallet, unusual secretiveness, unwillingness to communicate or cooperate, loss of inhibitions, sudden change in friends and places where hanging out, and unwillingness to discuss new friends and activities.

Health: frequent nosebleeds, runny nose not caused by allergies or cold, sores and/or spots around the mouth, queasiness, vomiting, and sudden dramatic weight gain or loss.

Possession of Paraphernalia: these items include: eye drops, matches and lighters, rolling papers, pipes, multiple pill bottles, make-shift tourniquets, needles, and mirrors (used for drugs that are snorted, usually having powdery residue on the surface.

What can you do to help your teen think twice before using drugs or alcohol:

  1. Maintain positive family rituals and traditions to create a happy and loving home atmosphere.
  2. Serve as a good role model. Never be drinking around your own home unless you are doing so with company and while eating a full meal – and drink one drink at most – your kids will do as you do, not as you say, so always keep this in mind.
  3. Set limits and consistently enforce them: times when they are to be home, and for you to know with whom they are hanging out and the parents of the teens that they are hanging out with as well. Let those parents know your desire to not have your teen involved in any drugs or alcohol in their homes when you are not present.
  4. Most of all help your teen feel good about him or herself, by acknowledging successes, accepting failures and always praising a good effort.
  5. Encourage your teen to say “no” to peer pressure and avoid situations that could be destructive such as being in places where drugs and alcohol are being used.
  6. Encourage your teen to choose happy and healthy friends who are doing productive things with their time.
  7. Give support to your teen to do well in school, minus the pressure to have to be the best. So long as your teen is giving a good effort, that is all that needs to be accomplished.
  8. Keep any alcohol or prescription drugs locked and out of sight of your teens. Any drugs that you have that you no longer are using need to be discarded in an appropriate manner and out of the home. Many teens get their drugs right out of their parents and grandparents medicine cabinets, so be vigilant on this point.
  9. Realize that even if you have done your best to be present, and involved in a healthy supportive manner to your teen, substance abuse could still occur. Be vigilant in your observations and communications with your teen. Acknowledge any indicators and address these concerns in a loving and assertive manner. You are the parent and as such it is your right and responsibility to make sure your home is safe for everyone who lives their including yourself.

Mar 21 2016

138:Accountabilty – How Are You Doing In This Area of Your Life

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:59 — 15.5MB)

Accountability is the ability to do what you say you are going to do, when you said you were going to do it. Do you do this as a regular part of your life? What are the consequences if you don’t.

 

Mar 17 2016

How to Get Rid of Most Medical & Mental Health Issues: It’s Simple

FruitVol. 353 – March How to Get Rid of Most Medical & Mental Health Issues: It’s Simple

Over these many years that I have been involved in health care – going on over 30 years now – I can tell you that I read a ton of material, watched many webinars and attend a ton of seminars and trainings. I can tell you that if you are looking to take a pill to get rid of your problem, you are misguided by the very least, and perhaps doing more damage to yourself than what you believe.

Let me tell you the story of my mother-in-law as an example, a person who I met a few weeks before my 24th birthday, so we are talking of a relationship that goes back 31 years now.

Sandalee was a warm and loving person, married to a man who demanded much of her given his own lack of regard for his own basic needs. She cooked for him, cleaned for him and did the lawn, for many, many years. All the while she worked, sometimes two jobs, was heavily involved in her church and took care of the family holidays. Both of them were heavy drinkers. She smoked up till her 20’’s and he smoked into his 60s, two packs a day.

About two years ago both she and her husband were found to have lung cancer. He lost one of his lungs to the disease and for her the radiation she underwent put her into remission. About eight months ago her cancer returned and so she underwent chemotherapy. Her doctors told her that the cancer had stopped growing per the MRIs she had, so she continued with a treatment that she thought was working.

A couple of weeks ago she fell and couldn’t get up. A new tumor was found in her hip that was hitting up against the nerve, making it impossible for her to get up. A few days ago she passed away.

Why do I share this story with you? For many, many reasons:

First, the basic idea that chemicals that kill both healthy and cancer cells while destroying our immune system, is a barbaric and a non-proven method of healing cancer. The statistics on surviving cancer with chemotherapy and radiation comes to 2.1%. Your better recourse is to eat whole foods, stay away from sugar including alcoholic beverages, because the cancer feeds on that sugar. Keep a positive attitude and keep some spiritual practice in your life. Make sure that your environment is healthy and conducive to your feeling good about your life.

Get yourself exercise regularly – your body is made to move. If you don’t like going to the health club – find activities that you enjoy that require movement like gardening, sports like: tennis, soccer, basketball, dancing, biking, skiiing, whatever. If you enjoy doing it, it doesn’t feel like exercise, it feels like fun.

Make sure that you are living in a supportive environment for your health and wellbeing. For over 30 years Sandy lived with a husband that smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. That was until his granddaughter was born. This is when he went to the “Mad Russian” in the Boston area and quit smoking for good. However, the damage for both he and his wife was already done by that time.

Choose the people that you choose to have in your life with care. I tell my clients all the time that just because someone is your biological family member – if they are toxic to you, making your feel poorly about yourself or poorly in general – limit your time around them down to zero, if that is what allows you to live a happy and fulfilled life. No one needs to be with people that bring you down, make you feel negatively about yourself, or can’t see you for the mature person that you are, versus the younger person they choose to remain seeing you as, even decades later.

Eat plenty of healthy herbs and spices to make your food tasty while adding antioxidants and other healing components. Use lemon for flavoring – its great for you.

Drink plenty of water because we need to be hydrated – 70% of your body is water, and it is through water that toxins exit your body. It is also through being hydrated that depressed feelings go away along with hunger pangs that are really thirst. So drink plenty of cool, refreshing water.

Stay away from artificial colorings, flavorings and any ingredients you can’t pronounce. These are made in the lab and your body has no idea what to do with them. Many of these ingredients are causing health disasters in our citizenry. The sad thing is that we have no idea what much of these additives are, the FDA giving the food industries a pass on not letting us know what we are putting into our mouths. It’s criminal!

Stay away from wheat, soy, corn and high fructose corn syrup. All of these are made with Genetically modified seeds and as such we have no idea what these products are doing to our bodies. Our bodies don’t know how to process that stuff we call “wheat” today for all the genetic modification that has happened to it over these many years. This is why you see people with bulbous stomachs – full of inflammation because of these products.

Stay away from fast foods – you don’t even want to know what is in this stuff – I can promise you that it has very little to do with what one would call “real” food given all the fillers and chemicals that it is bathed in to keep the food looking fresh for years on end.

Stay away from artificial sweeteners. They have been found to make you hungry putting the weight on people instead of taking it off. Maybe you have noticed the great weight gain of the population since this crap has been placed on the market and this is why. These chemicals are toxic to your body and many are cancer causing. If you want something sweet have some honey – raw honey, real maple sugar or molasses.

Eat few simple carbohydrates including white rice, stay away from bread, cookies and cake. You are better off enjoying some fresh fruit or dark chocolate.

Eat brown rice, sweet potatoes, yams, green leafy veggies, and a rainbow of veggies to get all the nutrients you need. It is best to cook tomatoes for the best nutrient value and cook cruciferous veggies because when eaten raw they can interfere with the workings of your thyroid.

Stay away from chips and dips given all the artificial flavorings in them as well as the vegetable oils used to process them. The only oils you want to consume are coconut oil or nut oils for cooking and virgin olive oil for dressings.

Eat seeds and nuts – sparingly because they are high in fat, however they also have many trace minerals that we humans require.

Avocados are excellent for fiber and for potassium so eat a half a one a day.

Eggs are great for you too, because one doesn’t get high cholesterol from the food you eat as the newest scientific literature is now stating. Eggs have so many nutrients that your body needs and are healthy to eat – so long as they are cage fee, free range eggs.

Meat is also important for your diet because there are certain B vitamins that you can’t get without it. Just know that you only need about 3 to 6 oz of meat every other day to keep your iron levels where you need them to keep the anemia away,and to get those B vitamins, and protein.

Fish for omega 3s is also very important for the diet – fresh caught – though from the reading I have done, there are many lies printed on the labels of the fish you purchase at the food store. Do the best you can with this one.

So, there you go – give your body what it needs and the diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer and heart disease can go by the way side without drugs that are more damaging to you then the reason you are taking them and without a ton of supplements which may interact negatively with one another if you don’t know what you are doing. The only problem is that we humans are a bit lazy and unwilling to do what I am telling you right here.

Let me tell you this: I for the past couple of years needed to drop about 15 pounds off my 5 foot frame. The only thing that I did to get rid of the weight was to eat the way I am telling you and hang out at my health club’s whirl pool doing some Pilates type exercises with the water acting as resistance and some rubber band exercises with the bands acting as resistance. The weight is almost off me at this point after a couple of months of effort.

So, life style changes is where it is at if you want your body to do well by you. So, you need to do well by it. Give it what it needs to be healthy and functional for you. Stop making excuses because in the end not only will you most likely never have to deal with these common health issues that wreak havoc for too many people these days, you will feel energized, clear headed and happy. Not a bad exchange in my opinion.

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