Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:46 — 9.8MB)
As we all get older, thoughts about our own mortality come to the fore. Here is Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck take on the subject.
Dec 18 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:46 — 9.8MB)
As we all get older, thoughts about our own mortality come to the fore. Here is Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck take on the subject.
Dec 14 2017
Childless or Not, It’s Okay, Vol. 214, Dec. 14, 2017
Yesterday I was reading a blog by another woman who was sick of being asked when she was going to get married and have children. This is a woman who never wanted to be married and didn’t want any children, resenting these invasive inquiries into her personal life decisions.
I have never written about this subject, so I thought I would give you my thoughts based on both my personal experience as well as my professional experience as a hypnotist working with people for many years.
I will never forget that afternoon my ex and I were at his parents sitting at the table on their deck. My then mother-in-law made the comment to me, “You are stopping Bob from having a child.” Unfortunately, Bob, my then husband never said a word. I told her very simply that given the fact that Bob was more interested in putting our money into his education and into his photography and given that I was on medications that could cause a hole in the heart of a fetus, and was unwilling to lose my mind, by going off the mediations, we weren’t having any children. I felt resentful that this conversation even took place, as she was well aware of the situation we were in at the time.
There are many reasons why a person would prefer not have a child, and it is no one’s business but the two people who are involved. It is not up to you to give your parents or in-laws “grandchildren.” Because they are not going to be responsible for raising them. I was glad that my own mother had her fill with grandkids by the time my child rearing days came along because there was never any pressure from her at all. When I told her that I didn’t want to have any children, her response was, “I think it’s a good idea, because raising children has become so much harder these days.” She was referring to the conflicting roles that women had after women’s liberation with many going into the workforce who would have stayed home and raised their kids in her day. She noted how many problems the kids seemed to have coming into the world after her generation of raising kids. However, it isn’t just the family that brings on this expectation, it is the whole society at large.
I knew that given the history of both our families, I didn’t want to take the risk. When I explain this to some people, they totally “get it” and applaud our decision to refrain from having any kids. Others still don’t get it, and never will.
Having a child needs to be “selfless” act because you are going to have to put the needs of that child ahead of your desires. Unfortunately, many women have kids because they feel it is expected of them.
My father wrote me a letter while I was in college speaking to the timing of life. He said that there was a time for education, and that needed to be fulfilled first. Having been a dentist, he understood the need to wait before getting married and having children. Then comes “marriage time,” the time when one works on being in a relationship with one’s partner and learning how to love and respect one another. Once that is achieved, along with the financial base necessary to raise a child, it is time to contemplate having a child. Any other order is putting the cart before the horse, making life more difficult then it needs to be. I agree with him based on that which I have seen in my practice.
If you are a person who is dealing with your own issues as I was at the time, it is better to take care of yourself then to bring another person into the world that you don’t have the capacity to raise in a healthy manner.
If you are a person who has a major career going on that takes many hours a day and may include a lot of travel, that is the priority that you have, which may conflict with the role of being a mother.
If you are a person who has a fulfilling life without a child, why complicate your life with bringing another being into this world?
With so many kids suffering today from addictions, autism, anxiety, and depression, there is something dreadful going on. We don’t really know why all these kids are having such problems. All we know is that it is causing a lot of pain all around.
I can tell you from the many clients that I have seen over the years that parents who are not content with their own lives, in their own relationships, have children with myriads of emotional problems. I have seen grown children who came from parents who they knew didn’t want them, leaving them feeling not only unloved, but unlovable creating many other issues to hide those hurt feelings. Anything from severe depression, to anxiety to addictions, can arise as a result of these feelings of not being wanted.
So, if you really don’t feel it in your heart that you desire to have any children, by all means, stick by that choice and enjoy your life.
Dec 11 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:38 — 11.3MB)
Increasing numbers of women are choosing not to have children, however, there still remains the social pressure to produce offspring. Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck discusses this issue and gives some pragmatic guidelines to help decide whether to have children or not.
Dec 07 2017
Dealing With Family During the Holidays, Vol. 431, Dec. 7, 2017
During the holidays we find ourselves interacting with all sort of family members, some of whom we may love to be with and some that we would rather not have to contend. If you have a chronic health problem, the stress of the holidays can make it worse. In this blog post, I am going to give you some ideas on how to deal with a few different personality types to ease the situation.
When my older distant cousin got me in touch with my extended family on my father’s side back in 2001, I was amazed at how many relatives I had that I never knew before. What was most intriguing though, were the older relatives, those who were already in their 70’s and 80’s when I met them, doing wonderful things with their lives even then. One was still a practicing dentist in his 80’s, another an eye doctor in his 70’s and a travel agent in her 70’s all still so engaged in life. Now, twenty years later most of these older people have passed away. I feel so fortunate to have met them and gotten to know their stories and see the vibrant lives they were still living, so unlike the elders that I had taken care of at a similar point in their lives. We never know when our elders will no longer be among us, so spend your time with them while you still can. Get their life’s stories, their wisdom and keep it to pass on to the next generations.
If you find yourself among many people, it is easier to seek the special ones out and spend your social time with them. If you see someone that you do not get along with well, be cordial and then find your way to someone more in line with your values who you enjoy being around.
Kids are great because they just want to play, and that is easy to do with them, especially the real young ones. Spending time with them you can get into your more playful mode and just kick back and have fun. No reason to be engaged in the serious adult talk, just play with the little ones and entertain them. You may find that you get more out of it then they do.
While I was growing up, my mother’s mother was always around. During the holidays she would bring us wonderful presents. However, there was another side to her that wasn’t as pleasant and that was her need to gossip about people spreading ill will. Many times when she would do this, my main goal was to shut her down. So, I would let her know that I really had no use for the conversation that she was trying to have with me and have her change the subject. Most times this worked out fine. Because this is the thing, if you don’t want to hear the negativity coming from someone, it is up to you to have them change the subject.
During my years of celebrating the holidays with my ex, things were much more difficult because his father would find ways to antagonize me. Unfortunately, instead of just ignoring it and letting it go, I would argue with him, because I hated his bullying nature. Now, with a bit more wisdom, I would probably say nothing and hope that would end it. However, with my father-in-law, it was hard to say, because he would drink his beer and get out of control at times. It was just because of this behavior that I made the decision to stop seeing him. That worked out much better for me and my ex because there was no point in being placed into a situation that was so uncomfortable for both of us. We created our own holidays at that point.
If there is a table that you need to sit at during the meal, do your best to sit next to people that you get along with. Sometimes this isn’t possible because the seating arrangements have already been made. Maybe you can shift your spot so that you can engage with the people that you feel comfortable with, to make your day a more pleasant one.
Remember that the holidays are yours as well, so make decisions that allow you to have the “holiday” be what it is meant to be. A time to recharge yourself from your regular life and all its obligations. In other words, allow yourself to lessen your obligations to others during the holidays so that you can indeed feel that you had a holiday for yourself.
Dec 04 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:14 — 8.6MB)
Master Hypnotists Suzanne Kellner-Zinck gives practical advice on surviving the holiday gatherings and obligations with family.
Dec 01 2017
Enjoy the Holidays Your Way, Nov. 30, 2017
We are now in the “Holiday Season” where so many people are engrossed in the “holiday rituals’ and yet, there are many who really don’t feel a part of this world for many different reasons.
I would have to say that being divorced from the family with whom you spent the holidays is one of the more common reasons that people have difficulties with the holidays. This is particularly true if children are involved. There are some people that don’t like some members of their families, so choose not to engage with them during the holidays. There are some people who don’t have families at all and some that don’t have family close to where they live and cannot afford to travel back to their families.
Years ago, when I was engaged during college, we would alternate between the homes for Thanksgiving and Christmas, the distance between the homes being a couple of hours apart. I found this to be a great bother even then. Sure the food was great in either home, the gifts were fun, but the expectations and travel were a drag to be sure.
Years later when I was married, the holidays meant dealing with the cousins of my spouse. We were expected to go to various homes during the holiday season and share gifts with people we saw mainly at weddings and funerals. It was ridiculous. The one aunt and uncle that I truly enjoyed being with, had a grown child that would always bring their large dog who promptly went for the cheese and crackers that were on the coffee table. I never understood why this was even allowed to occur.
After my divorce, I would find other places to go – sometimes one of my sister’s homes and sometimes a distant relative that invited over 40 relatives to his home every Thanksgiving. I enjoyed being with the older relatives, many of them involved in very interesting careers and advocations.
During my time in California, I ate the best food of my life at a friend who had Thanksgiving for all her “orphan friends,” those being the people who didn’t have family nearby. She always had interesting people there to interact with as well. Christmas was spent with the various roommate’s family, always awkward, but a place to go.
I have to say though, that my favorite times for the holidays were really those when I didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything in particular. It was a day to just “be.” I could do what I wanted and read books or watch old movies. There was no need to go out in the cold, no need to spend a ton of money on gifts (for Christmas) and no need to get dressed up.
So, for those of you who wonder what you are going to do for the holidays, well, you can indeed do what you please, if you are alone or with someone who really doesn’t get very excited about the holidays. Because, sometimes, it is great to just be able to do what you choose without any expectations placed upon you. Really, it can be quite wonderful. It is all in your attitude
Photo by Got Credit
Nov 27 2017
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:50 — 8.2MB)
Ideally, the holidays are a time for family, friends, gifts, and celebrations. However not everyone gets along with their family, has lots of friends, money for gifts or parties to attend. If any of the latter describes your situation, then Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck has some pragmatic advice for you.