Nov 15 2018

How to Become a Confident Person When You Are Naturally Shy

Confidence photoHow to Become a Confident Person When You are Naturally Shy – Vol. 476, Nov. 15, 2018

Let us first explore the reasons why someone may be shy, or suffering from social anxiety:

  1. You don’t feel worthy of love and attention 
  2. You don’t believe you have anything of interest to say
  3. You don’t feel that you are as valuable as other people
  4. You feel that you always “mess” up in social situations

Here are some things that you can do to counteract these feelings and false beliefs:

  1. Get dressed in clothes that you feel great in – stop dressing in sloppy “comfortable clothes.” Why? Because people who look nice and dress respectfully to themselves will get complimented. This can only improve your self-esteem, so long as you truly own it.
  1. Stand with your back straight and head up – instead of with your head down and back slumped. It is amazing what a decent posture can do to increase your sense of self and your energy.
  1. You have heard it before and you will hear it again – get regular exercise – doing something that you enjoy – dancing, biking, playing sports – you will get into better physical and emotional shape and get those endorphins released, making you feel happy. 
  1. Eat healthy food – one item foods that you put together, staying away from processed crap, that saps your energy and makes you feel like crap. Why? Because your body needs the nutrients found in real food to function appropriately – all that other stuff, your body has no idea what to do with. 
  1. Share positive input with others, compliment them, do something nice for someone just for the hell of it. Few things bring more happiness into your life. 

And here is one exercise that I give to my eating disorder kids: Look in the mirror and find some aspects of yourself that you truly love about yourself. I have never had a client unable to find something they like about their appearance.

And here is another: Think about those aspects about your personality that you like. Again, I have never had a client, no matter how depressed who couldn’t find something they liked. 

If you do these things, you will start to find you are better able to “fit in” feeling more confident about your self. You may not be ‘outgoing’ but you don’t need to be. All that is required is for you to build up your self-confidence which is tied to your self-confidence. It is truly freeing to break through, so have fun with it and you will find out for yourself. 

Nov 12 2018

254: How To Become Confident When Shy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:14 — 8.7MB)

Want to less shy? Here are some practical tips to step out of your shell.

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Nov 08 2018

What Do You Do About Critical Friends?

arguing photoWhat Do You Do About Critical Friends, Vol. 476, Nov. 8, 2018 

Anyone who needs to blame or criticize others has a lack of a sense of self. One needn’t keep them in one’s life ever – they aren’t friends. A friend is someone who cares and is interested in how you are doing, and what you are doing in life – unconditional love and support – a positive influence in your life.

That being said, true friends will indeed tell you from their heart why they are concerned about you, never criticizing, just relating observations of your behavior for you to think about the potential need to change. 

They will not try to diagnose you either, realizing there is a boundary that needs to be respected. The only people who have the right to diagnose you are the people that you have employed to do so, to help you with your issue.

If anyone in your life is diagnosing you, without your employing them, even if they have a license to do so as a mental health professional, they are overstepping your boundaries. 

Now, the other side of the equation is this: Are you a person who criticizes others, blames others for what is going wrong with your life? Be honest with yourself, because there is an interesting dynamic that occurs in human interactions where one will bring into one’s life what one puts out in the world. In neuro-linguistic programming, we call this “projection is perception.” In this case, it is very helpful to acknowledge this aspect of your personality and clean it up. You may well find that others are no longer criticizing or blaming you any longer. 

I know in my own life, I have had to deal with the negative emotion of “anger” getting angry at others in my life. I had to deal with the fact that I was angry at myself for putting up with crap I shouldn’t have. Once I realized the dynamic of the anger coming from inside myself and cleared it out, no longer was I bringing the anger into my life. Now, if I find people have anger in themselves – speaking of anger toward the people in their lives, or acting angry toward others in my presence, I walk away from those relationships- these people are toxic to themselves and others. 

Life can be full of loving and caring people, but first, we must be loving and caring to ourselves, and then we can attract loving and caring people to us – people treat us with respect, the only people worth having in our lives. 

Nov 05 2018

253:How to Deal With Critical Friends

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:44 — 9.1MB)

Having critical friends is an oxymoron. Learn how to deal with friends who are not supportive.

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Nov 01 2018

Postpartum Depression: What You Need to Know

Postpartum Depression: What You Need to Know – Vol. 474, Nov. 1 2018

depressed woman photoAccording to the American Psychological Association, up to 1 in 7 women who give birth will be affected by postpartum depression, making it a fairly common malady. The cause is not known, however, there are some helpful ideas to help to deal with it. 

First, be aware of the fact that the onset of postpartum depression can occur before giving birth and effects the early weeks of a mother bonding with her newborn. This is very important to understand because the baby needs this bonding to develop what is known as ‘healthy attachment.’ Without it, being raised by a mother that is depressed and neglectful, the baby can develop a disorder known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have worked with many grown men and some grown woman who have suffered such neglect as infants, and many of them become sex addicts and romance addicts, never feeling fulfilled in any of their primary relationships. Yet, few realize that this is the reason why. 

So, what are the symptoms?

1. Difficulty forming an emotional attachment to the baby

2. Feelings of sadness and hopelessness

3. Feelings of sudden anger or rage

4. Feelings of anxiety and difficulty with decision-making 

5. Feelings of failing to develop ‘mother’s instincts”

6. Self-isolation from friends and family

7. Sleeping too little or too much, and out of sync with the baby

8. Eating too little or too much

9. Thoughts of self-harm or harm to the baby

Other complications that some woman with postpartum depression may experience are uterine, bladder, and kidney infections, breast tenderness, backache, headaches, hair loss, constipation, and pain during intercourse. These symptoms may not be experienced until a few weeks after delivery. 

So, what can one do to holistically treat postpartum depression?

  1. If you are finding yourself going between depression and anxiety, you may be dealing with a thyroid disease such as Hachimotos – which is an autoimmune disease that you were genetically predisposed to, where the stress of the childbirth triggered it. So, have your thyroid checked out by a functional or Integrative doctor since they are the ones who know which tests are necessary to rule this in or out. 
  1. Exercise is better than antidepressants because it naturally releases dopamine, the “pleasure” neurotransmitter. 
  1. Return to those hobbies you enjoy.
  1. Take omega 3 fatty acids – they are very helpful in releasing depression.
  1. Do daily meditation and/or self-hypnosis to relax your brain and your body
  1. Yoga, is great for bringing yourself back into balance mentally, emotionally and physically – nothing too strenuous, listen to your body.
  1. Spend alone time with your partner doing fun things outside the house like a date night

If you are still having difficulty with it, do reach out to a professional who understands how to help you with your depression. You can get more information on depression and how to better understand and treat it on this website under “Depression

Oct 29 2018

252:Owning Your Own Authority

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 13:36 — 12.0MB)

The most important place to hold authority is over your own life and you should never give that away. Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck shares her thoughts on the subject.

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Oct 25 2018

Calming Your Mind Will Do You Good

mental health photoCalming Your Mind Will Do You Good, Vol. 473, October 25, 1018

The National Institutes of Health have determined that 51% of the population of the United States will experience some sort of mental illness. Because of the stigma of mental illness, many will never seek the help they need to treat it. WIth many of these illnesses, the lack of attention can cause decompensation, taking away a person’s ability to live life normally. 

The most important thing that you can do for yourself is to educate yourself about the mental illness you are experiencing. Get appropriate treatment to stop the escalation into deeper illness. The symptoms can be stopped, getting you back to living your life. 

Most of all, beware of isolating yourself because that could put you into a situation where the symptoms can become worse. 

Describe the feelings that you feel, instead of saying you are depressed, or anxious. as an example. These words that you use repeatedly go straight into your subconscious mind. Know that the feelings will pass. Concentrate on activities that can calm your mind. Here are a few ideas to help you calm your mind:

  1. Deep belly breathing, inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts, releasing for 4 counts and hold for 4 counts. If you do this a few times the oxygenation of the brain will naturally calm you down. 
  2. Self-hypnosis or meditation will both allow you to calm yourself down in very short order.
  3. Listen to some calming yet happy music.
  4. Watch a comedy.
  5. Call a friend that has a calming energy.
  6. Read a book that is engaging to you.
  7. Take a warm bath.
  8. Take a walk.

9.   Stay away from any and all substances – legal and illegal, especially depressives such as alcohol.

It is also very important to eat a good nutritious diet that includes the amino acids (which make up protein) that help develop healthy neurotransmitters. 

Generally, if one is able to acknowledge the thoughts, know they are temporary and engage the mind in a more productive, and or fun activity, the negative thoughts can disappear.

If the symptoms continue without your being able to get them under control using these methods, it is time to get professional help, because many mental illnesses get worse without treatment. 

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