Jan 07 2019
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:01 — 7.6MB)
Virtually everyone has had the universal experience of having an ex-significant other, whether a boyfriend, girlfriend or the more serious case of an ex-spouse. Here is some advice on how to deal with that person in a mature and responsible manner moving forward.
Jan 03 2019
Vol. 483, Jan. 3, 2018 – I’m Worried my Therapist is Angry with me, What should I do?
This was a question that someone asked on Quora, a forum where people from all over the world ask questions and others answer them. I really appreciated this person asking this question, because as you will see in my answer, it is something that comes up in my practice at times, and for anyone who has a practice. So here is my answer to the question: (Note: that within 5 minutes of my answering the question, the individual thanked me for answering it- always great to know the effort was appreciated!)
Man, I am glad you asked this question because over the years I have had many clients who were fearful of telling me their truths, especially if they thought I would be angry with them. But, this is the deal, as I explain to my clients when I call them and explain, once again the process of healing and growth:
The whole purpose of therapy is to help someone to learn how to deal with their life’s realities and that includes coming clean with issues that you fear will be looked negatively upon by others.
Your therapist is there to help you learn how to contend with these situations so that when they arise in your world with the people that you have to deal with every day – family, co-workers, professionals, teachers, etc – you have the skills to do so.
And, to the degree that your therapist is able to hold you accountable in a respectful and helpful manner, (which totally depends on your personality), is the degree to which you will learn how to deal with similar issues in the past – like perhaps, not being triggered by old issues or taking things personally that aren’t personal as examples.
If your therapist isn’t able to do this for you, then it is time to find someone who you trust to work with. However, you do owe your current therapist the opportunity to help you work through this issue before jumping the ship.
Dec 31 2018
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 6:32 — 6.4MB)
Kids are more intelligent and aware then most adults give them credit for. Here’s some advice on giving kids the credit they deserve.
Dec 27 2018
Dealing with the Stigma of Mental Illness, Vol. 482, Dec. 28, 2018
This is something that is very close to my heart since I have a history of having bipolar. Many years ago, even after I was stabilized, there were too many times when family and friends would use the phrase “you are manic,” when the truth was that I really wasn’t. It was more because they were afraid that “the other foot would drop”, since I was treated for this illness for so many years. It got to the point where I told them that until or unless I hired them to be my psychiatrist, they could not use that word, because they had no idea what it even meant, which was in fact true.
If you are a person who has been labeled with a mental illness, I want you to use that same phrasing with the people in your life who think that they have a better idea of what is going on with you, then you do – especially if you are already in therapy, or getting help in some way for your diagnosis. This is called a ‘firm boundary.” And, no, they will not like that you are being assertive in how people relate to your diagnosis, and you don’t care. The suggestion that I make to my clients is to tell the people in their lives to speak about any behaviors that may be putting up red flags of concern for them, and leave it at that,
Now, there may come a time such is true in my own case, when you no longer have the symptoms that were used to diagnose you, in which case it is best to stop talking about this part of your life, and move on to those things that your truly care about doing, being with people who love and respect you without judgement. Because people can heal from many of these diagnoses if they so choose. In fact, many times it has much more to do with limiting beliefs as was true in my case, or not metabolizing the amino acids from the foods that are eaten to make the neurotransmitters to keep one emotionally stable.
There are also traumas that many people go through that need to be desensitized and cleared to allow one to let go of the depressed and/or anxious feelings that are ruining their quality of life. This is something that I do a lot of work in, and it is miraculous in helping people heal and move on to happier, healthier lives.
Never allow a person to treat you as less than they. And, never allow a doctor or psychiatrist to treat you poorly either, after all, you are the one paying their fees (or the insurance that you have.) If you feel that they are not listening to you, or treating you differently as in stigmatizing you because of your diagnosis, call them on it and move on to someone who will treat you like the thinking feeling person that you are, period.
Dec 24 2018
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:44 — 8.1MB)
While most people delight in the thought of having kids, there are those who choose not to. Here is advice from Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck to them.
Dec 20 2018
Living Without Having Biological Children of Your Own, Dec. 20, 2018
A few years ago I had a conversation with my youngest sister where she brought up the aggravation of having people around her give her a hard time for not having any children of her own. Because, I made the same decision many years before she would have to, being five years older than her, I told her that it was really nobody’s business as to what she and her husband found to be the correct decision for them.
About 20 years ago, me and my then husband were visiting his parents, when his mother tried to make me feel guilty “for not allowing her son to have a child.” I told her at that time that given that he was in school (working on his Bachelor of Fine Arts) and given my poor health at the time, the best thing for us to do was to not have any children. Sadly, he was unwilling to tell his mom himself of the fact that he didn’t want any kids. As a matter of fact, he thanked me for never forcing him to have kids that he didn’t want years later when he asked for a separation.
Too often in this world, parents and in-laws feel that it is their right to force their kids to have children so they can become grandparents. But, that is not ever the case. Having a child is a huge responsibility with a cost in excess of $200,000 today, not including college. So, it is something that needs to be thought through and that both partners desire, or it is going to cause more harm to the relationship, given the change in relationships and financial responsibilities involved.
I actually have a kid of my own, as close to one as one can have without giving birth one’s self. That kid is my Godson who is now 29 years old – he will be 30 years old in 2 weeks time. The reason that I say this, is because we are very close indeed. During his whole time growing up I was at his house, helping his parents as his mom had epilepsy. Whenever his dad had to be gone for a weekend or more, like while his parents were ill, I would be the one who was called to take care of the family, since I could drive and his wife could not. There were many times when my Godson could be a pain in the butt, and yet, I would sit him down and have a conversation regarding why it was that he did what he did and why it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. There were certain behaviors that were expected if my ex and I were going to take him and his sister to museums and out to restaurants when they were young. You know, I never had a problem with either of them.
When his mother left the family when he was about 15 years old, it hit him hard. His father did the best he could, but many times he lost patience with my Godson, where he had endless patience with the daughter. Unfortunately this past March 1, his father passed away, leaving me as his closest “family member.” Luckily, he has many cousins and aunts and uncles on his mom’s side of the family, but I was the one who was there with and for him through his entire growing up and advocated strongly on his behalf when necessary. It was through all those times together that he created a very strong bond with me. These days he calls me every week to check in with me and to get updates and give me updates.
While I was living in California, he found a way to get out there from Boston every year, to spend quality time with me. It was exhausting given his energy level, but we saw amazing sites and enjoyed ourselves enormously,
So, go find yourself a kid to “rent” and create an amazing relationship with. But, you have to be willing to allow the kid to be who they are, always showing love, care and interest in them. And, then when they grow up, they will always want to maintain you in their lives. Because, as with most things, we get out of life what we put into it, don’t we?
Dec 17 2018
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:48 — 9.8MB)
There are boundaries that even mental health professionals should observe with their patients. Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck list what they are and what to do about it if they are violated.