Apr 29 2019
Apr 25 2019
How to Make True Friends – Life is Never Done Alone -Vol. 495, April 25, 2019 –
Until I got into hypnotism, I never realized how many people felt all alone in the world. This included clients who were married, though, they were not bring fortified by their partners, some for a very long time. I had clients who felt they did not have a friend in the world, only acquaintances, that they never felt comfortable receiving validation or support from.
This was so foreign to me, a person who has been blessed with so many super supportive people in my life each in their own way. And, to tell you the truth, there is not one person on this planet who has achieved anything of any value who did not have others helping them out in some fashion.
The complexities of the world today, the quick pace that we live life, the never-ending technologies that change the way we think and work, make it imperative that we have others to keep us balanced. Others who can help us in those areas that we may not be very competent, allowing us to shine in our areas of expertise.
How does one gain real friends? It’s as simple as being the sort of person that you would like to have as a friend. Be thoughtful, be kind, be positive and be present while you are in the other’s company. Validate the other’s feelings while they are going through a difficult time. And, you know what? You may just find yourself creating wonderful relationships with people who are truly there for you in a way that perhaps you never thought was possible.
I am here to tell you that it is indeed possible, but only if you are vulnerable enough to have ‘real’ relationships with others, letting go of the superficialities. Instead, allowing your friends to be as imperfectly human as you are because this is one area that people can get stuck on. Please never expect someone to live up to your idea of perfection, as they are they and have a totally different idea of what that may be. If you are lucky, they realize that perfection is an impossible goal to reach, so, allow themselves to be who they are and be the best they can be. However, there will always be times when people put their foot in their mouths. There will be times when one can be crabby and there are times when one may have more needs then perhaps you are willing to contend. However, do remember that you too are going to find yourself in all of these situations and would do well to have someone be present for you as you do.
Of course, we want to make friends with people who have integrity, so have integrity yourself. Be your word to yourself first and then to others. Be loving and kind to yourself first and then to others. Because, the reality is that we can only be there for others, in the ways that we are there for ourselves first.
There will be those times when friendships may not work out, and that is okay, it is all part of life. There will be times when friendships break up with different values and needs and that is also fine. Because there are always other people with whom to make friends along this journey that we call life.
Apr 22 2019
Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck shares her opinion on mental health professionals.
Apr 18 2019
Trauma: Do I Hold On To It OR Let It Go? – Vol. 494, April 18, 2019
One of the interesting things about life would be the various types of people that we come in contact with, especially those who are in our own families. Caroline Myss, speaks of the condition she calls ‘woundology.’ She explains this term to mean that after the 1960’s when everyone seemed to be in therapy or involved in support groups, people began to bond based on their emotional wounds. It became fine to hold onto one’s emotional wounds forever, always feeling the need for validation for whatever negative events were experienced. However, she points out that there is a huge problem with this manner of being. That is, that one never heals from the traumas, forcing those around them to dance to their own tune. In other words, friends and family are to constantly be aware of the special requirements necessary to never trigger this individual’s wounds.
Well, Caroline states quite emphatically that this expectation of demanding others to continue to dance around the triggers of another is unrealistic and childish. I would have to say that I totally agree with her on this notion.
Back in 2009 when I went to the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center to have the tumor that WAS on the covering of my brain treated, I had the wondrous experience of observing a couple of teens and an 8-year-old from foreign countries interact with their relatives every day for 6 weeks. These kids were the most upbeat kids you could imagine, joking with their relatives. The 8-year-old was busy doing crafts with the social worker with her mom watching. Never, did I note in any of these cases, anyone complaining of the circumstances they were confronting. Not one of them was ever upset. I learned much during that 6 weeks about how people can be in the moment, and do what was needed without needing to attract attention to one’s self or to complain about the situation in which they found themselves.
The reality of life is that we all have our own stories of challenges, of negative events that had to be contended with at certain points in our lives. I also know from working in the fields of psychiatry and hypnotism the depth and breadth of what some people have to deal with given their histories and maybe even given their skin color. It is not a pretty picture, however, from what I have been able to witness, many have found their way to forgive and others have taken it a step further making it their life’s mission to work for the changes in society that they perceive needing to be made.
The beautiful thing about being willing to find a ‘compelling future’, something that is more meaningful to one, then holding on to dysfunction, is that one’s life can actually stand for something quite magnificent. And, in the process happiness along with truly respectful and loving relationships can be had. It is just a choice to be made whether one is willing to heal and move onto the great life that could be had, regardless of anything that may have occurred in the past.
Apr 15 2019
Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck shares the lessons she learned from the breakup with her ex-husband.
Apr 11 2019
Change: How To Contend With it? -Vol. 494, April 11, 2019
Most people are very uneasy when changes occur in their lives. These would be those folks who like to know what to expect every day, keeping them within their little box called ‘their life.’ However, we all know that the two things that are inevitable are change and taxes. So, what do we do when something occurs in our lives that really does change our lives in ways that we were not expecting?
Back in 2006 when my ex-husband of 20 years told me that he was unhappy in our marriage and wanted out, I was not exactly surprised as he was demonstrating how unhappy he was by pulling away from me. There were other indicators for years, but this did not make this announcement any easier to take. It was only after he explained his real reason for wanting out that I was more able to understand where he was coming from.
My life was indeed turned upside down in many respects. However, the change worked out better for me in a couple of ways. I no longer had to deal with many aspects of life that I no longer wanted to be engaged in where he was concerned. It also brought my overall health back, no longer dealing with my ex’s anger at feeling stuck in a relationship that he no longer wanted.
There was also the change in trying to run a business with little income, no longer having my ex’s income to help with the household expenses. This really created a hardship on me. However, my health was still much better than during the time I was married. Go figure…
I share this story with you because there are things that are outside our control that we need to contend with whether or not it is comfortable. And, to be honest, I had a hand in the demise of my marriage. I made many trips cross country for my trainings in hypnosis and NLP. To bring in money as I was building up my hypnosis practice, I spent weekends caring for a client with down syndrome in her home. To top it all off, I had grown emotionally with each training trip I made, as we trainees were applying all the techniques we learned to ourselves to imprint the knowledge into ourselves. My ex had made a comment to me one day telling me that he could not keep up with all the changes made with every training trip I took. And, so, the marriage crumbled. We are still very good friends today because there was no reason not to heal the issues between us. We have known each other for over 30 years and as such we share a very long history. We speak infrequently, but when we do, we pick up where we left off. We support one another in what we are doing in our lives. Besides, it would be impossible for me to help couples who are in crisis if I had not cleared the negative emotions that I had after the demise of our marriage.
So, change is inevitable. Just know that whatever occurs, one can overcome the issues involved in the change and create a better life then what may have been before. It is all in how one chooses to perceive those changes. And, it also has much to do with taking responsibility for our part in the changes that occur along the way. Because in any relationship it does indeed take two to make it or break it.
Apr 08 2019