What are some things that you did to help you get over the loss of a loved one? – Vol. 529 – Dec. 26, 2019

Another great question that was asked by a person on Quora which I answered this way:

This is a great question!

I work with clients to overcome their grief. Here are some things that one can do to overcome the loss of a loved one.

First, depending on who the person is to you, you may never fully ‘get over’ the loss. This would be if one were to lose a child or a partner that one was deeply in love with at the time of the death. It is also quite difficult to get over the loss of someone who commits suicide, especially if you never saw it coming, which is the norm.

Here are my suggestions:

1. I always have my clients do this in a hypnotic state which you can do by allowing yourself to just relax. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and exhale slowly after each one. Then tighten the muscles and release them starting from your toes and feet all the way up to your neck. Next, go back to the last time you saw the person alive. Remember the situation. next, bring yourself to the time whey you heard they had passed away, and then bring yourself to the wake (if they had one) and heal all the great things others said about the person. Then to the funeral and hear, all the great things said about them there. Now, bring them up in front of you and let them know what they meant to you. Lastly, bring them into your heart, thanking them for all they have contributed to your life. Then know that they will always be inside you because they are.

2. Move on with your life, because that person would want you to. You can do things at times that remind you of that person. For example, I lost a close friend of mine last year and I went by a soft-serve ice cream place. This guy loved this sort of ice cream (and gelato as well). So, I topped off and had a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone in his memory – he bought many of these for both of us over the 30 plus years we were friends.

3. You can also wear something of theirs to keep their memory close to you. My dad died when I was 23 years old and was a great surprise to me. He was only 61 years old. I want the engagement diamond that he gave my mom because that was the gift of the greatest love he ever gave her. I asked her for it at the time of his death but told her to hold onto it or as long as she wanted. She remarried shortly after my dad’s death to a wonderful man. About 3 years later she called to ask me if I wanted this diamond and sent it up to me with a lot of other special pieces that he had given her over the years. I was overjoyed! I got a necklace designed for all the diamonds and wear it every single day. Yep, because as I wear it, I feel he is with me every single day.

4. It is also good to have photos of the people that you loved in your environment.

5. Lastly, I put myself into self-hypnosis and talk to my dad sometimes. And, though it may sound strange, he answers as well.

So, there you go – some things that one can do to deal with the loss of someone close to them. Over time the pain lessons, however, the great memories are wonderful to hold inside you forever.

What Do You Not Fear About Getting Older? – Vol. 528 – Dec. 19, 2019

I answered this question on Quora back on December 26, 2018 – and it has received 64.5K views (I am writing this post on October 9, 2019) and 840 upvotes – so I figured that it would be a good idea to share it with my readers.

I have worked in elder care for a very long time – well, in and out of it. And, I can tell you that the reason people get aged is that they hold much resentment, have too many regrets, eat crap, don’t get out in the sunshine, don’t move their bodies, and blame the world for their problems.

The elders that I worked with who had great attitudes were those who were still interested in the world around them. Many overcame many challenges – as immigrants not knowing the language with no money starting over again during their teens in a brand new country, or elders who came from very poor families who had fulfilled lives because they focused on what they wanted and made it happen.

SO, there is no fear of getting older if you take care of your mind, body, and soul. If you involve yourself in activities that you enjoy and fulfill you and have loving relationships – that can be with great friends as well as family members. If you don’t get along with a family member, that’s fine so long as you haven’t any resentment over it. – because resentment kills – creates all types of disease of the body and mind.

I am 57 years old (at the time of the writing), and though I am certainly looking a bit different in the mirror, I can honestly tell you that I have so many things that I still want to do with my life, so many interests and live my life doing those things I enjoy. This is what keeps one young at heart and in mind. And, I don’t take myself too seriously anymore. Life is too short and is to be enjoyed!

Should People be happy with what they have got, or is it good to have a desire to want more? – Vol. 527 – Dec. 12, 2019

I thought this was a great question that a Quoran asked me a while ago so here it is for you to read:

There is a difference between being grateful for what one has and the need to continue to learn and grow. We humans need to expand ourselves to feel fully alive – learning new skills, meeting new and interesting people allowing us to grow.

Life long learning is a great way to live life. I am 58 years old as of September 24th (2019) and I went back to school for my 1st Master’s degree two years ago. To tell you the truth, even though the subject matter was very interesting and one course in particular was necessary for the 2nd Master’s degree that I am beginning in Israel in a few weeks,, I found that I no longer want to work in the healthcare industry.

I got my 1st master’s in medical sociology and found out how racist and classist the medical system is here in the USA and I want nothing more to do with it. Never mind all the bullshit around ‘evidence based medicine’ which truly doesn’t exist any longer, if it ever did. All you have to do is write a few papers for an academic degree to understand the falsehoods and how these things get published in journals. Some pay to get they biased research into them – this lead two editors of the Lancit (one of the most prestigious medical journals in the world) to retire out of the business after decades of working there. The conflict of interest in the folks who are trying to prove the efficacy of their products with a conflict of interest, never showing the 85 research studies that proved it did not work while publishing the one paper that showed some promise. Hell, if our doctors can’t trust what is supposed to be real research in caring for their patients, what are they supposed to do? It’s a sick system and something that is causing too much ill health and worse.

So, I am now I am going back to school to get the degree I originally wanted to get but was too late to apply for in Peace & Conflict Management at the University of Haifa’s International School. It’s a great way to apply the skills and knowledge that I have in how the inner drivers of human beings operate from the 30 plus years in mental health and 18 years in hypnotism.

The best part is that I get to do my studies abroad in another country, which is something that I never took advantage of when I was a kid at a much lower cost then doing it here.

So, never rest on your laurels and continue learning and growing, because to do anything else is to stagnate and worse.

Does an Addict Trade One Addiction for Another? – Vol. 526 – December 5, 2019

Addictions come in many forms. However, in answer to this question, no, not all addicts trade one addiction for another. It is true that alcoholics that give up alcohol many times will become sugar addicts their systems used to the sugar that alcohol is made from.

However, the way in which addicts can give up addictions is by having something more important to them than having an addiction to fill that ‘hole in their soul” – and to heal the real cause for the addiction in the first place. People don’t just become addicts. They become addicts because the addiction is fulfilling some need they have like to not think the negative thoughts they have – many alcoholic being depressives actually and then taking a depressive (alcohol) to not have those horrible thoughts any longer.

Unfortunately many of the so-called addictions programs focus so much on the addiction itself and stopping it, that they never get to the real cause of the problem – the psychological pain the addiction is used to cover and never help the person to fill the time that was used to procure and use the substance or do the behavior (sex addicts, gamblers, etc.) with something that is much more meaningful to them.

How to Not Be Nervous Around Your Significant Other – Vol. 24 – November 28, 2019

A Quoran asked this question and apparently there is a whole ton of interest in it as it has gotten 3.9K views since February 7, 2019 – so I thought I would make it a blog!

The best way to stop being nervous around your significant other (crush) is to realize that a person likes another based on their positive attributes and common interests. Being nervous at the beginning of a relationship is quite normal.

It may take a little time for you to be comfortable with one another. However, if the relationship is healthy, you will not only feel positive energy while you are around one another, you will also become good supportive friends to one another. With a good solid friendship as a foundation, a relationship can last a very long time. Just be sure to show your authentic self, so you know that your significant other wants you for who you really are, instead of some fake persona, for those never work out because you never allow your turn self to be acknowledged and appreciated.

How Can I Stop Talking Over People? How Can I Better Listen to Others? -Vol. 524 – November 21, 2019 –

This was yet another great question that was asked by a Quoran who really asked it in this way:

How can I control myself? I can’t stop talking and talking over people. I know this is rude, annoying and not conducive to a new group project involving teamwork. I need to learn how to listen, but how?

This is what I wrote in answer:

Man, can I relate! I was so bad about this coming from a family with 5 kids!

First, conversations have a natural flow, and sometimes you have a thought as a result of what someone said, so you want to interject it. On those occasions use what one of m friends does and say something like, “You said something important there. I want to respond to it before I forget my thought.”

Sometimes, we need to realize that if we do all the talking, it’s only a monologue, which is NOT a conversation. The best way I found to deal with that was to allow the other person to talk first then shut up till they have finished their sentence. It takes practice to learn to be patient especially if your mind works much quicker than the person you are talking to, yet well worth the effort to learn this patience. My ex provided this practice for me as he took forever to say anything always wanting it to come out perfectly, and all I wanted was for him to get to the point.

Lastly, never give advice, offer suggestions. People like suggestions, they never like to be told what to do.

If you want to develop deep relationships with others it is uber important to learn how to have meaningful dialogue. Think before you say a thing, and that will slow you down.

Also, ask questions of the other person and wait for their complete answer. That will force you to slow down while becoming much more interesting to the person you are talking to since the most favorite topic is themselves.

Lastly, understand that by interrupting, you are most likely going to jump to an incorrect conclusion not having allowed the person to finish their comment, which can cause many needless arguments.

Have fun creating your new conversational style. It works a whole lot better the cutting people off. I know, having been where you are now!