This was a question that a person on Quora asked me. This is something that many people could use more insight to better understand. This is how I answered the question:

To tell you the truth most people have no idea how their actions and ignorant statements affect others, you and me included.

My standard way of helping myself and my clients deal with this situation is to call the person and let them know that you would like to get together in person because you have some things you would like to share with them (do it in person if you can – if they are too far away geographically use a video call with Facetime, Whatsapp, IMO, etc. Set up a time with them to meet. If possible meet in a place that is objective meaning a park or restaurant – not either of your homes.

When they are there you start by telling them in this exact language:

Thank you so much for meeting me today. I have some things that I would like to share with you. I am certain that you have no idea that you are doing “A, B and C and when you do these things it makes me feel “F”. I would really appreciate it if you did ‘x, Y, and Z instead.”

With this wording you are not attacking them or blaming them for how you feel. Instead you are letting them know that they are doing some things that they may not be aware of (giving them the benefit of doubt) and letting them know how it is making you ‘feel’ because feelings just are, there is nothing anyone can do about them. You are politely asking them to act in a different manner and if they are capable of doing so, you will have a much stronger relationship no longer carrying negative feelings about these events.

It may take the person a few times to be able to shift their behavior because most behavior is unconscious anyway. However, if they are argumentative with you or unable to shift it because not all people can or want to – it’s time to find yourself another person to hang around. This includes relatives and partners who know the best how to trigger us.

Unfortunately we find ourselves in a complex world where certain people feel that they have the right to misdirect us and force us to take actions that may not be in our best interest. 

If you are interested in learning what many very respected medical professionals are not being able to share with you these days please go to this link so you can make the correct decision for you and your kids.

https://upvir.al/ref/AQ52360232/

I am grateful to those who are willing to to whatever it takes to get a fair representation of the science involved and invite you to take advantage of this information for your own health and wellbeing. 

This was a great question from a person on Quora and something that I do believe many people may have a concern. Here is how I answered the question:  

I will do my best to answer your question as a hypnotist that works with repressed memories in my practice (only for 19 years now!).

First of all, it is totally possible for repressed memories to be triggered – though, from the way you asked the question, I think you are really asking if one can find out about their repressed memories from counseling. I don’t believe that regular counseling has the ability to help one to do this because they don’t have any idea how to work in the unconscious mind since this isn’t taught in their curriculum and few of them get much training in hypnotism should they be interested in adding it to their profession. I say this having had many clients come to me after their conventionally trained therapist tried to hypnotize them and had no idea what they were doing. It is indeed a separate profession that requires much study and practice to do well.

However, what I can also tell you is that I had a few (not many) clients come in to see me who had therapists tell them they were molested or sexually abused. Not one of them had suffered any of this abuse, from what we learned from the session that I did with each of them (it only took one session to regress them back and find out) so these ideas were implanted for no reason. Disgusting I know, and yet it happens.

My suggestion to you is to stop worrying about what ‘may have happened to you’ and focus on what is going on in your life currently. I would also suggest that you spend less time thinking about yourself and heal yourself by helping others. I learned this most poignantly while working with a woman who suffered from severe bipolar and generalized anxiety, way before I ever got into hypnosis. I was working in elder care at the time. She got herself a volunteer job working with people with cerebral palsy many of them deformed, developmentally disabled (what used to be called mental retardation) who had no way to alter their lives because of the nature of their disabilities. What she learned was that she could indeed take control of her situation – in her case, it was a matter of a medication change and taking control of her own life instead of deferring it to her sons – and found herself in a much better situation nine months after we started working together. It was at this time she was ready to terminate our work together. She moved out of the area, closer to her youngest daughter, and helped to raise her two sons. She met a lovely man who loved her for who she was and they had a lovely life till his death 15 years later (she was 61 when we ended working together, so we are speaking of an older couple here). She was very good at keeping in touch with me on an annual basis which I welcomed. It’s always great to know how one’s clients are doing as their lives move on.

My point to you and anyone else reading this particular answer is to stop sweating those things that you ‘think’ may have happened and instead concentrate your energy on those things that you would like your life to be about. If my client was able to do this given her serious mental health situation, I would say anyone can should they choose to put their time and energy into doing so.

Thank you very much for your A2A for all those who may have a similar situation that they are dealing with. Remember that our thoughts are what create our lives, so concentrate your thoughts on what your life to be and you will be amazed by how great it can be.

This was a question from someone on Quora had asked in the exact manner in which I titled the post. It is a question that I get fairly often from Quorans, so is worth posting on the weblog. This is how I answered the question:

Thanks for the question.

Happiness is certainly something that comes from inside ourselves by being authentically who we are as we navigate our way through this world. By doing those things that we enjoy and mostly doing many things that are a bit our of our comfort zone where learning (growth) occurs. If you do these things, you will spend much more time being in a ‘happy’ place than otherwise.

That being said, I would not expect any human to always be happy because there are frustrations and challenges that occur in life. It is more a matter of how we respond to these things, which can keep us more in balance emotionally.

Instantly reacting to many things will be less than helpful, though, with a little thoughtfulness, we can usually find a manner in which to contend with the more challenging areas of life and receive the solution to the issue at hand.

For those sad times in life, because they do indeed come, allow yourself to feel the sadness and then reframe the situation in a manner that will help you to get a positive outcome. So, for instance, you lost a person close to you. What beautiful moments or insights did that person bring to your life? Gratitude for that person being there will help to heal the loss.