Apr 18 2024

How Can You Tell If Someone Has Experienced Emotional Trauma? Vol. 670 – April 18, 2024

A person on Quora asked this question. This is how I answered it: 

This is an interesting question.

Trauma can show itself in various ways. Here are some of them:

1) The person is triggered by things that others say hitting too close to what occurred or who may have caused their trauma. The person may get very angry with you yelling or throwing things depending on how emotionally traumatized they are.

2) The person tells you what you can and cannot say and do around them wanting you to walk on eggshells around them.

3) They make you wrong for having your opinions.

4) If you dare do anything that the person feels is harmful to them they will let you know in no uncertain terms.

5) They may isolate themself to not have to deal with others.

6) They may not get much sleep or sleep too much.

7) They may eat much more than they need.

8) They may develop mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other emotionally based problems.

9) They may manipulate you to do those things they want you to do but that they do not want to do themselves, especially around household chores or maybe even holding a job.

10) They make excuses for their behavior.

There are many more but these are the ones that come to my mind.

When one is around another who has experienced trauma it is important to do what you can to be sensitive to it without feeling like you are walking on eggs around the person. If it feels like you have to walk on eggs around the person to keep the person from demonstrating negative behavior, it is time to do what you can to limit your time around them. You are not a therapist most likely so it is not your job to make sure that you do not do anything to trigger them.

Thank you for the question. 

 

Apr 11 2024

How Do You Improve Your Life While Feeling Overwhelmed or Depressed? Vol. 669, April 11, 2024

I receive many requests from people on Quora regarding how to improve their lives be it feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or feeling unmotivated to do those things that they need to do. One of the most important aspects of our lives is that of our environments including where we live and where we work.

If we are surrounded by people who are angry, sad, or manipulative it makes our lives much more difficult than they need be. This is because it is easier to be dragged down by others than to lift them. If you are in unhappy relationships it is up to you to figure out if the relationship can be worked on and improved or if it is toxic and needs to be discontinued. This is easy to figure out because you will feel heavier while experiencing a negative emotion as a result of the time you are spending with them.

I have my clients make a list of the people in their lives. They fall into a few categories:

  1. Family: these are the people that you know have your back regardless and whom you know you will have their back. These are not necessarily your family because not all families are created in this unconditionally loving manner. For many, it is their family is their best friends. These are the people with whom you feel unconditional love and they feel unconditional love for you.
  2. Friends: These are people with whom you enjoy being with shared interests and values. You will do your best to be there for them and they are most often able to be counted on to help you when you need it.
  3. Acquaintances: These are people that you know through a shared activity/hobby or people with whom you work. You get along with them but on a superficial level.
  4. Leaches: These are the people who glom onto you sucking your energy and time with their problems. Sometimes these people let you know that unless you behave in a certain manner you will “trigger” them. These are people that you are best to let go of.

One of the things that I realized working in corporate America and law firms decades ago was the lack of respect I received from my bosses and the nepotism that permeated these places. I chose to leave these environments figuring out a way for me to be self-employed to never have to deal with these negative attitudes again gaining authority over my life. It has not been the easiest route, but it has helped my emotional and physical health never having to deal with these problems again. I also found a way to work from home so the stress of commuting was gone.

I invite you to figure out what is not working in the psychodynamics between yourself and those in your life and take the necessary steps to correct it.

I can tell you that leaving the US in October of 2019 has been a Godsend, traveling the world and meeting happy and loving people even when I found myself in compromised situations such as spraining my ankle in San Jose, Mexico. I got better care from the workers in the $10/night hotel I was staying at, at the time than some of the hospital visits I had in the US.

I can also tell you that it does my heart good to be living in a Villa here in Golem, Albania the Ionian Sea a 3-minute walk with the nicest family owning it. They bring me lots of hugs and smiles and great food letting me know that they love and care for me every time we interact. Understand that we do not speak each other’s language so most of it is done through Google Translate which can come up with some funny interpretations so we have to try again using different words.

Think creatively based on your values and interests to create a life that works best for you leaving behind those who cannot interact with you in a loving and caring manner. There is a whole world out there to be explored with fabulous people if you would only get out there and learn that for yourself.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Apr 04 2024

Why Do People Believe They Have A Mental Illness Even if They Do Not? Vol. 668, April 4, 2024

A person on Quora asked this question , and this is how I answered it:

This is an interesting question.

Many people on Quora believe they have some mental illness. Yet, they have never been diagnosed by a licensed person. They go online take some so-called test and come up with the diagnosis themselves. Worse, they will falsely believe because they may have some of the symptoms without having debilitating symptoms that they have the diagnosis.

Why do people do this?

Because these people are looking for answers to why their lives may not be how they thought they would be. In many instances, the diagnosis is used as a way to get out of doing things they do not want to do because their ADD or depression makes it too hard for them. Some do it for sympathy because they cannot gain the attention they desire positively.

Sadly, people do this to themselves because those who have these problems would do anything so they do not have to live with them because they can be very destructive to living a contented and productive life. I know because I have worked with thousands of psych patients and hypnosis clients over the past 30 years who have found this to be true.

If someone feels they are dealing with the symptoms of a mental illness, they should be seen by a licensed professional to be diagnosed so they can at least know if they have the problem or not and go from there. Because people who self-diagnose get it wrong and with it cause themselves more harm in the end.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Mar 28 2024

What Makes A Good Mental Health Provider? Vol. 668, March 28, 2024

I have been working in the world of mental health since 1993 and I can tell you that the most important aspect of being a counselor is to be able to get out of your own head and into the thinking of your client/patient. You see, the worst thing that a counselor can do is to believe that they have the answers without listening to what the client is saying, what the client is NOT saying, and between the lines of what the client is saying – because these are all different levels of communication.

Second, to never believe that you as the counselor could ever really understand how your patient is feeling or what they are thinking – it is impossible – it is the counselor’s job to respect what their client is saying and to go from there.

It is very important to treat your client with respect. They are at least 50% of the equation in healing and to believe that they haven’t a clue what they need is dehumanizing and disrespectful. That isn’t to say that they have all their answers otherwise they would not be seeing a counselor. It is to say that they can have insights and in fact, those with the insights into what will help them the most are the clients that get the best results. So, all the licenses and certifications in the world don’t mean crap if one isn’t willing to be ‘present’ with the client – it is indeed what they are paying you to do – with an open mind and pure heart.

Sadly, I have seen way too many people in the world of mental health believe that they have the answers for their patients and instead, they end up projecting their own unhealed crap onto them. I have also had hypnosis clients come in with mental health pros telling them that they were abused as younger people though they don’t remember it, only to come in to see me and find out that nothing at all happened. So leading people into negative states based on a hunch is a very terrible thing to do to a patient. If the patient doesn’t bring it up, there is no need to put this crap in their head.

Lastly, one needs to be able to hear heartbreaking stories without being emotionally terrorized (tripped up) by hearing these stories. It is about having appropriate boundaries. It is fine to empathize with the client, it is not okay to get really upset because of what they told you or worse take sides against the people they are speaking negatively about until you meet that person yourself and find out what the dynamic is. One of my clients went to see a mental health professional and brought her husband with her because she was having a tough time and realized it had to do with her – nothing to do with him, and the mental health pro sat there telling him what a horrible husband he was for whatever…My client was mortified and came to see me to clear that horror out of her mind.

It is most important to have done your best to clear yourself of your negative emotions and limiting beliefs so that you can be strong enough to not be triggered by your clients’ stories and give them horrifically bad input on how to deal with the situation – I am speaking of people who have been abused, divorced especially if it was a difficult divorce, someone who had an abortion and never healed emotionally from it, etc.

Patience is also necessary because some clients will indeed push you and others won’t be able to articulate their issues well. So patience is necessary throughout the process.

Those are just a few aspects of the work, that go above and beyond the theories, one learns in class.

Thanks again for the question, because many people believe that they would like to get into this work, and it is very humbling work if one remembers why it is that one has gotten into it in the first place – to help the clients heal.

Mar 21 2024

Do Therapists or Hypnostists Feel That They Have Said Something Wrong – Vol. 667 – March 21, 2024

I can’t speak for anyone but myself as both a person who sought therapy in the past and someone who has been a provider of mental health services both conventionally and later through hypnotism and NLP.

I can assure you that there are many therapists out there who say things that are untrue and demeaning to their patients believing that their fancy licensures protect them from being wrong. I had a psychiatrist tell me ages ago that I was being fantastical in my thinking because I wanted to pursue a Ph.D. in psychology based on my diagnosis as a manic depressive at the time – this was back in 1989 or so, so many, many years ago. The same psychiatrist wanted to use me to be part of her research study on Seasonal Affective Disorder, but her boss and my case manager took me swiftly off that project, Seasonal Affective Disorder having nothing to do with my diagnosis. I found that out a few weeks later from my case manager, and therapist at the time (a wonderful woman with great boundaries and skill at what she was doing on all levels). So, she is an example of a wonderful therapist both individually and in group therapy. I had another psychiatrist who just wouldn’t listen to the fact that I was overmedicated after 6 months of telling her that I was unable to do the simplest of things. I had my then-husband come into a meeting with both of us to tell her what I told her to tell him to get the medications reduced. That worked, but it was sad that she wouldn’t listen to me. If she observed my energy at all, it would have been obvious.

I had a great psychiatrist for 13 years or so till I let go of the bipolar with the use of NLP – that was back in 2004 – again many years ago now. She was fantastic had great boundaries and wanted me to become a psychiatrist – so things can go both ways. So to suggest that they are all made of the same stuff is unfair and misguided. There are great ones, good ones, and ones that ought never to have entered the field as is true with any profession out there.

Psych pros who came to my practice: I had two psych nurses with mood dysregulation (both of them needed hormones being in menopause, so they got referred to a pharmacist who compounded their bioidentical hormones for them to take care of that issue after having appropriate saliva tests done. I also had a social worker who came to see me for weight loss who had a serious health issue where she was unable to exercise, and she did amazingly well with our work together. All of them were reasonable and easy to work with, really wanting help.

The learning here is that though there are some therapists out there who do cross boundaries, say really harsh things with an attitude, there are others who are truly capable and still others who are willing to seek out care for themselves realizing that they too need to have some issues healed.

Thinking back on the one psychiatrist who was rather rude to me at the time, she was doing her practical hours toward her licensure and may have just been a bit young and immature at the time regardless of her rather classy manner of dressing.

For me on the practitioner side of things, I always let my prospective clients know that there may be times when I put my foot in my mouth being a human being. I also let them know that there may be times when they may be angry with me and that is fine because it is part of the work to work through it with me, giving them the skills and insights to better work through similar issues with those people who are in their lives. I can honestly tell you that my prospective clients are grateful for the ‘heads-up’ before hiring me because it allows them to understand a part of my philosophy of healing, so they can make an informed decision.

 

Mar 14 2024

How Does Self-Hypnosis Work -Vol. 666 – March 14, 2024

As a practicing hypnotist for the past 22 years, I believe I am qualified to answer this question.

As one of my first teachers of hypnotism explained, ‘Hypnosis is nothing but meditation with a purpose.” Her name is Julie Griffin – give credit where it is due, right?

The state of hypnosis is a very relaxed state, where your attention is highly focused on what you are doing as this is how the hypnotic state works – given that you are the ‘suggester’ in this situation.

So, you are only telling yourself those things, those ‘suggestions’ which are mere ‘affirmations’ given in the hypnotic state that you would like to achieve. Why ignorant people feel that one can harm oneself by doing this is beyond my understanding. It is no more dangerous than telling yourself anything really – most people are telling their minds crap about how horrible a person they are for doing whatever, or not doing whatever, most of it in their UNconscious mind anyway, so few people even realize they are doing it. People are more damaged listening to the negative and untrue garbage on the ‘news’ channels that are merely giving you editorials as the news organizations no longer have reporters on location (unless it is very local) to get the ‘facts’ that make real news, news. They are merely giving their politically slanted opinions = editorials.

So, you put yourself into a relaxed state, and then you tell yourself those things that you would like to accomplish with deep feeling as if it is happening now, and see yourself doing that thing, and play it over a few times in your imagination, and whammo! You have achieved what is known as ‘auto-hypnosis’ otherwise known as self-hypnosis, which people have been doing for centuries.

Thanks for the question for those who want to learn about hypnotism from an actual professionally trained and practicing hypnotist instead of people who think they know what they are speaking about but don’t because they do not use it in their own practices. because they weren’t trained and haven’t practiced it enough to have any idea what one can do with this most magical of states in the world of healing and achieving pretty much anything a human being would like to accomplish in life.

Mar 07 2024

How to Best Stop Insomnia – Vol 665, March 7, 2024

It is always better to rule out any physiological reason for sleep issues before going to psych. So, a sleep study is an excellent 1st step.

That being said, many years ago, I had a client come to see me who was an anesthesiologist. This was his 3rd medical specialty. He had all the sleep studies done and they all came back normal.

As a hypnotist, I regressed him back in time and we found out that the reason he hadn’t slept well in over 30 years was that his body did not feel safe falling asleep with all the interruptions to his sleep during his 3 residencies over the years. I was able to help him clear all that out and future pacedhim for great sleep going forward. So, you see, even an anesthesiologist can have insomnia.

We need to get to the root cause of the problem to take care of it which is going to be different for everybody. I do not see how CBT could help a person with chronic insomnia, it is not a method to end it – not at all.

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