Aug 03 2012

Relationship Advice for Women

relationship advice for women

relationship advice for women

Vol. 160, August 3, 2012

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine recently about the pros and cons of dating and being in a serious relationship. We are both over 40 years old and have vastly different views of this issue. We are both self-employed people and given the expense of things these days, making it on our own is more difficult than it once was.

My friend has the notion that her life would be made so much better if she could find a like-minded man with whom to share her life. Someone who could respect her for all the great things she has to offer while giving her a respite from the financial ups and downs that the self-employed deal with on a regular basis. She is also someone who would very much love to have her own home with a white picket fence including a garden and a dog and a cat. Being in her 40’s having children is no longer something that she desires.

For me, I have come out of a 20+ year marriage, childless by choice. I thought for a long time that the best way for me to deal with my own financial ups and downs was to marry a person with similar values sharing the expenses by living together. It would also be nice to have a companion with which to do things.

After reaching inside myself after being in the dating game on and off for the past 4 years, I decided that this really wasn’t what I desired – not by a long shot. Why? Well, there are many reasons the first and the foremost is because I enjoy having my own space be mine without worrying about when my significant other may need to use the bathroom during my long baths, or having the television on till all hours when I care nothing for the content so don’t watch it myself. However, the biggest reason is because I am a free spirit and as such it is hard for me to stay in one place for very long. I love my trips and adventures never knowing where I may be going next. The opportunities show up and I take them.

My friend is also a well traveled woman having been to Africa and Europe many times. However, she doesn’t see this as something that may be a difficulty with a significant other. I have found through my marriage that this was indeed one of the reasons my ex decided that he wanted out. He wasn’t interested in the trips I was taking and felt lonely while I was gone doing my trainings. It is interesting to note that his current spouse travels quite often and he sometimes goes with her sharing her interests more than he ever did mine.

Though the above may matter to some extent there is something that is a bit more important that I share with my clients who are looking to have meaningful relationships with a significant other. This would be the fact that it is really up to us to fulfill our own lives first without the need to have someone to do it for us. The reason for this is simple. Until we are complete as we are, it will be quite impossible for a partner to fill that part of us. You see, one cannot expect another to fulfill us. That is too high a standard to place on a relationship. The other can merely reflect those aspects of ourselves to help us grow as we are already whole and complete as individuals.

With my own challenges still in front of me, until I get them under control, it isn’t fair to expect another to come and “save” me from myself. I need to be the sort of person that I would be looking for in a relationship before I am even ready to find a relationship that would be worth having.

I say this quite sincerely because many woman (and even men) believe that if they could only find “the one” that all would be wonderful. The reality of the situation is that this is not true. How do we know? Look at the divorce statistics of over 50% of marriages failing. I would have to say this is because too many people are falling in love with the idea of having someone to have as a financial engine instead of relying on one’s self. Too many people are looking for another to help raise kids that they brought into the world with someone else which has many more layers of complexities involved.

I would ask you to think about your life and how you feel about it, separate from anyone who you may find it easier to share it with. Think about what it is that you really desire in a mate that you would find attractive and then set yourself up to be that person no matter what it takes. It is only when this is achieved that a loving and equal relationship can be formed. By achieving this goal, you will be in a much better place to attract someone who is worthy of being your partner in life and someone with whom the endless work of being in relationship would be worthwhile.

If you have any issues especially regarding unconscious patterns that keep you in negative relationships, do yourself a favor and reach out for some help. A hypnotist can help you to better understand the repeating patterns and why it is that you create them. Once this is understood you can learn how to de-create those negative aspects of your relationships going forward. Add to that learning some basic communication skills so that it will be much easier for you to relate with the special person who you may find entering your life when you least expect it.

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Jul 27 2012

Meaningfully Releasing Grief in a Healthy and and Quick Manner

Vol. 73, February 2009- Meaningfully Releasing Grief in a Healthy and Quick Manner

I recently received news that a very dearly loved and respected uncle of mine passed away. In this particular case it was a matter of when, not if, given the man’s age, 94. He was one of those people who had done amazing things all through his life, yet was as humble as anyone could ever be. I will never forget the visit to his home I made with my ex-husband many years ago. As my uncle was showing us around his house, my ex excitedly pointed to a photo that was taken of my uncle and his older son along with President Kennedy. Continue reading

Jul 27 2012

Why Katie Upton should model swimsuits for women

Kate Upton modeling swimsuits for women

Kate Upton modeling swimsuits for women

Vol. 159, July 28, 2012

One needs to ask the question why it is necessary for one female to pick on another female’s body as the blogger of “Skinny Girl” has done. She goes as far as to call Kate Upton a “ little piggy. ”This because of this bloggers notion that Miss Upton has no body definition with “”huge thighs, NO waist, big fat floppy boobs, terrible body definition…”

The blogger says her comments were really about the double standard she sees in how people ask skinny woman if they are eating where she claims that the overweight are never asked why they eat so much. She goes onto explain that she has her own issues with food and eating. As a woman who stands at 5’ 7” and is trying to stay around 100 pounds it is obvious there are some very deep issues here that need to be handled.  She says that she is a professional in the fashion world, a world that used to be more in line with this bloggers thinking about weight. Yet, things are changing and Kate Upton is a part of that change.

Kate Upton has been chosen to be a cover model now given her more natural bodily form, even if not trim and toned. Any one who reads the news is well aware of the fact that the fashion industry has been ridiculed for many years for using models that are so thin that they themselves are suffering with eating disorders to keep at these unreasonable and unrealistic weights. In 2006 the Madrid’s regional government banned overly thin models in a show that they sponsored stating that the fashion industry had a responsibility to portray healthy body images. Soon after the Mayor of Milan, Italy said that she was seeking a similar restriction on her city’s fashion show. They each commented that the idea is to show beautiful fashion designs which never required the use of unhealthy bodily forms.

More recently even teenagers have asked the editors of their magazines to stop using photoshopping to create unrealistic images of the young woman models inside their covers. They too are looking for a more realistic representation of what young woman look like. This to stem the tide of feelings of low self worth sometimes leading to the development of eating disorders by comparing them selves to the doctored photographs in the magazines.

How woman view one another is one side of the issue. However, the voice that is lacking here is that of the male viewer. I have been working in the field of hypnosis for over a decade and I can tell you that men are not looking to hug skeletal figures. My male clients think of a healthy woman as one that has something to “grab” onto. Woman are supposed to have a form, a form that requires some fat to have that hour glass figure requiring a bit of a butt and a bit of a bust on top. They are expected to have larger more shapely thighs verses a male form where the thighs are generally less shapely. Is it necessary for her to be toned up. Not according to my clients. What they desire more is a woman with a sense of self, a woman who is happy and contented with her own form and a woman who has a life that is about more than obsessing about herself and how she looks.

So to all you woman who are desiring a bit more freedom in how to go about living your lives, free of all the propaganda out there of unrealistic and even unhealthy bodily forms, your dreams are already true. Ask the men and stop comparing yourself to unhealthy and unwanted ideas of what you should be, and be happy in who and what you are about – all those attributes of yours that go much further than skin deep.

If you have an issue with your body for whatever reason, consult with a hypnotist to release you from them. There is a healthier way to live and with a bit of help that could be realized by you in the least painful and quickest way I know to accomplish that end.

As one who works with people with eating disorders I note the adversarial role the blogger of “Skinny Girl” has taken with the shape of Kate Upton’s body. Her take that Kate is a “Piggy” because in her opinion there is no body definition and no traditional female form – that of an hour glass

There is indeed a double standard of sorts however it isn’t the one that blogger is speaking to where skinny woman are asked if they are eating enough.  where over weight people are never asked the same. What this woman fails to recognize is that not being an over weight person herself she would have no idea of the teases and looks that one receives when over weight or the reason that the over weight person may be that way. There are many reasons becoming better understood in the area of holding weight that go beyond the simple notion that all one need do is to diet and exercise to stay at a healthy weight. There are all sorts of hormonal imbalances, food sensitivities, medication issues and genetic factors that are involved in weight gain. So taking this immature attitude against fellow women is as destructive as publishing a blog that has to do with how one is to starve them self

 

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Jul 20 2012

Forgiveness, Don’t Leave Home Without It

Asking For Forgiveness

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

Vol. 83 December 2009- Forgiveness, Don’t Leave Home Without It

For most of us, health will not depend on who we are, but on how we live.  The body you have at 20 depends on your genes, but the body you have at 40, 60 or 80 is the body  you deserve; that reflects your behavior. (Readers Digest, 1996)

Fact is even though our body is constantly evolving our body’s cells remember everything.  Any illness we get unless we are born with it, is a result of our feelings. Louise L Hay, Catherine Ponder and Caroline Myss amongst others have written books on this.

Deepak Chopra tells us that there is a hidden intelligence that is at work in our bodies that scientists have not been able to tap into yet, but they are finding more  proof this is true.  He states that if that intelligence can cause our bodies to become diseased, then that intelligence can also reverse that. Continue reading

Jul 20 2012

Musings on the fraudulent misrepresentation of GlaxoSmithKline

GlaxoSmithKline

GlaxoSmithKline (Photo credit: Ian Wilson)

Vol.158 July, 20, 2012

David Ingram of Reuters in his article of July 3, 2012 has given us a reality check of the total disregard not only for the financial abuses of GSK, worse the lies that were told to sell their drugs to the unknowing public.

For example I have heard for many years about the kickbacks that doctors receive for pushing the drugs the pharmaceutical companies make. In Ingram’s article he mentions that it was found that the kickbacks were in the form of expensive spa treatments and meals that pharmaceutical companies pay to doctors, though I did not want to believe this to be true. This is among the many ways that GlaxosmithKline used to get doctors to prescribe their drugs.

We have spoken many times about the over prescribing of antidepressants in this blog, most especially upon realizing that they are no better than placebos in most cases. Paxil for example has only been approved for those over 18 and yet GSK seemed just fine having doctors prescribe it to those under 18. GSK also pushed Wellbutrin, another antidepressant for treatments it was never approved for such as: weight loss and treatment of sexual dysfunction.

Avandia, GSK’s drug for diabetes was released to be prescribed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration because the agency never received the full safety data on the drug.

The only thing that makes my stomach turn more is realizing that GSK has the $1 billion for criminal fines and $2 billion in civil fines in its cash reserve. This is disgusting, to know that this company has made so much of a profit on their deceitful policies that paying $3 billion in this settlement will be of no real consequence to them. The money is going back to federal and state governments for being over billed for these drugs and for the years 1994 to 2003. The whistle blower will also get a substantial part of the settlement, about $96 million dollars. Worse, the people who have been adversely affected by this policies, the consumers will be getting nothing back in return.

It is well known at this point that black box labels have been placed on many of the antidepressants most especially the SSRIs because of the suicidal thoughts and violent behaviors those under 18 years of age have suffered.

One has to ask how it is that doctors are supposed to prescribe medicine for their patients when they are unable to rely on any of the data that they are basing their decision on. It leaves the population at risk because it is evident there is no way to be able to trust the pharmaceutical companies.

If you took care of your emotional issues and your eating habits through the use of hypnosis, this whole article would be of no concern to you.

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Jul 12 2012

“Wake Up Doc”: I Think I Will Label Myself Happy Today – Vol. 157, July 14 , 2012

Article written by Donna M. Novi

I had the misfortune of having to go to the emergency room for treatment over the Christmas Holiday.

I had been to my primary care doctor about 2 months prior for another condition and due to the wonderful world of computers the ER doctors were able to look up my records and discover the nature of my visit without even talking to me. Amazing. Hopefully there is no other person with my name.

I had seen my primary care for OCD which is actually believed to be anxiety based.There are other theories that it could have been caused by strep throat when one was a child. No one really knows or understands exactly what causes OCD nor is there any real treatment to cure it. Most diseases of the brain are little understood. Having tried old fashion cognitive therapy, and Prozac in the past I can honestly say that neither worked for me. For the most part those are the two therapies that are used the most with really unsuccessful results.

When I found myself in the ER, I found myself categorized as an anxiety ridden patient.This was not the case, and if someone had talked with me I could have explained, but again, this was not the case. I was offered Ativan after being there only a short time like someone was offered coffee at a social gathering. Actually I wasn’t even offered it, the nurse just came and tried to administer it and thankfully I was with it enough to ask what she was trying to give me so I could have the opportunity to refuse, which I did.  It was the easiest thing to do I suppose. The doctors had not even figured out what was wrong with me yet. After a while it was evident that these doctors had seen on their computer records that I was treated for my OCD by my primary care and it must have been put in as anxiety. This was over several months ago. I am wondering would these doctors have offered me penicillin for the Flu I had last month as well?

It seems that when a person is categorized and labelled with a psychiatric condition that label sticks like glue because it is believed that most if not all psychiatric conditions are incurable. Well the joke is on the doctors and shrinks because not only are they wrong, I am living proof they are wrong.

Having been labeled as a depressed person nearly all of my adult life and placed on countless antidepressants that never really helped-I finally tried a new way of treating myself after a psychiatric nursed tried unsuccessfully to commit me. This I have discussed in previous newsletters, however to sum it up-I found hypnosis after years and years of therapy and pills. What I have learned and discovered with the help of my hypnotist is the fact that depression is just a label. Same as addict, and the same as alcoholic or smoker or anorexic amongst others. If we tell ourselves we are not depressed we can actually become just that. It sounds too easy to be true.

The fact is that there is something to just saying no to drugs, or telling yourself you aren’t depressed. If it is done in the unconscious mind it sticks.  It really changes your thought process and thinking on the conscious level.  It has to be done by a trained hypnotist that understands and knows how to help you access your unconscious mind. I didn’t just go home one day and tell myself I was not depressed. I had worked on the work that needed to be done with my hypnotist, however it was done on a different level.  Overall though, it came down to the fact that my unconscious mind learned that depression was just a name that someone assigned me based on their observation and that stuck with me where ever I went or whatever I tried to do and I was unable to get free from that label, until I found hypnosis and was able to get to the part of my brain that controlled my thinking. And it seemed as if after working with my hypnotist that one day I went home and told myself I wasn’t depressed and I wasn’t. Years and years of talk therapy and pills only re-enforced my depression label. And I was unable to really do the work needed to free myself from the causes that did result in my depression.

I just don’t understand why doctors and psychiatric doctors have the need to keep people stuck as who they were.They go over and over and rehash the same old scenes never really getting rid of the cause.  Only reenforcing  it by talking about it over and over. I guess part of the reason is they don’t know how to work with patients. They really for the most part work on the conscious level and changes are easily made on the unconscious level when one knows how to access it as hypnotists do.

One therapist when I asked her if I would always be depressed for the rest of my life and feel the way I did told me yes, I am predisposed to it, it runs in my genes. Just what I needed to hear, so why am I bothering? What I really feel is these doctors and psychiatric workers want you to remain ill. It sounds terrible, but why would a social worker who I pay to help me not be depressed tell any depressed person there is no hope to not be depressed.   That in itself is depressing. Tell a person long enough and they will believe it as well. My grandmother used to say if you don’t have something nice to say to someone, don’t say it. I really believe she was ahead of her time.  Who we are and what we are changes constantly. Nothing remains the same ever-time moves and we change, even if we don’t think we do. As time changes who we are changes hence the labels we are assigned can also change.

I was 2 years old once and now I am 58. Would those doctors treat me the same when I was 2 as now when I am 58, I would tend to think not. I would hope not. Then why do they treat a person who has been treated for anxiety as a person needing Valium or some other form of tranquillizer all of the time? Or if another person was anorexic and is no longer, why would they not respect that person and believe that they are no longer an eating disorder individual? Or even if a person had asthma suggest that they take an inhaler medication on a daily basis even if they have no symptoms. I had asthma pretty badly for a period and my doctor suggested just that, take the inhaler daily. I declined and eventually my symptoms disappeared and I have not been bothered by my asthma for literally years now.

Because just as depression and addiction are incurable, eating disorders evidently are as well in the medical community. Wake up doctors, nurses and psych workers-these once thought incurable illnesses can be dealt with and eliminated with hypnosis. Depression, addiction, eating disorders, anxiety, OCD and even asthma amongst others are afflictions that are not able to be diagnosed with blood tests or any other diagnostic tool. It is one man or woman’s opinion based on man’s criteria that one is suffering from these illnesses. And just as easy as they can diagnose a person with such, that person can overcome such an illness, should they choose to because it is for the most part in the mind.

Why is it that cancer patients only go into remission? Why is it that a person can not be rid of the disease if they show no symptoms or no indication that they still  have the disease by blood or other tests that first confirmed the illness in the first place? Yet, the flu that I had several months ago that I treated with antibiotics is now gone for good?

Whatever we tell ourselves we will believe and whatever others tell us we tend to believe as well to a certain degree. We rely on doctors to treat us and they should be 100% unbiased each visit meaning that they should see us as a person free from any label we may have had previously. If they don’t they may be doing us a great disservice and actually keeping us ill with diseases we may no longer even have!

Why would I want to take a drug for anxiety if I am no longer anxious, or for depression if I am no longer depressed or for asthma if I no longer have any symptoms?  Why would I want to support the pharmaceutical companies by taking these drugs I no longer or perhaps never needed in the first place just because someone told me I was what they thought I was and I believed it because I trust my doctors? There is not to say that at times people do need medication, but one needs to evaluate whether they are really being helped and if there is a chance of getting rid of their symptoms for good instead of just managing their symptoms with medications and drugs thereby supporting their labels.  All I want to be is who I want to be, free from any labels or diseases or afflictions. It is possible no matter what anyone may tell you. You can be free of any label or affliction you may have if you so desire with the right help.

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Jun 29 2012

Sexual Addiction: Is it Getting You Down?

Vol. 40, July 2006

Recently I had a gentleman call asking if I help people with obsessive compulsive behaviors. I asked him to explain what he was talking about so I could get a better idea of what was going on here. He explained that he was very upset with his behavior which followed his never ending thoughts of needing sexual stimulation. It started around ten years ago when his wife started drinking heavily on the weekends. Continue reading

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