So Your Boss Screwed You Out of Your Job, What’s Next?

Volume 67, August 2008

I have been working with one of the brightest people I have ever met.Here is a man with not one but two master’s degrees from YaleUniversity who came in to see me because he had been out of work forover two years at the time.

After going through his history a few things became quite evident.First of all he was traumatized by the way his last few jobs ended. Continue reading

The Difference Between a Hypnotic Intervention and Mentorship?

English: Apprentice. Man and boy making shoes.

English: Apprentice. Man and boy making shoes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Vol. 186, Feb 2, 2013

Over the past few years I have had some clients who started out as clients coming in to clear some issues go through the healing process, what I call a hypnotic clearing move into a mentorship program with me. There is a vast difference between these two services each serving a different purpose.

Generally a client will call because of an issue which has taken away enough of the quality of the client’s life to warrant the time and investment to gain treatment for it. In this situation the client is coming in to “clear” the issue and in most cases though not all, learn better communication skills for the creation of healthier and deeper relationships.

This work will include dealing with negative emotions and limiting beliefs, traumas, inner child work and letting go of limiting beliefs. Of course to gain success in achieving all of this, the client will create a compelling future in which to direct the time and energy that once went toward the creation of the issue(s) that originally brought them in for treatment. All of this work is predicated on the letting go of any reason, rationalization or excuses to hold on to any thought, behavior or situation that would lead to the continuance of the problem, while gaining a direction in which the healing can be realized – that of the compelling future – something to reach toward.

Mentorship is by its very definition the learning from another how to do a skill or trade with the end result being able to emulate the trainer. In the case of mentorship all situations that come up are dealt with however the client needs to be at a level of healing where the basis of the work is worked around the subject of the mentorship. At this level of work, there may be some times when a challenge will occur that requires a bit of an intervention, however the main focus is learning a skill that can be used to create an income, this being the reason anyone would ask to be mentored.

My mentorship program came into being as old clients came back to me, realizing that by learning how to integrate hypnosis in their own business endeavors, it would bring them a huge benefit. This was based on the deeper levels of communicating  able to be done with their own clients, creating their own products and services, or just being able to integrate hypnotic technique into their own businesses. The mentorships have been as varied as the ideas that my clients have come up for requesting one.

It is important at this point for me to make this distinction after having a client choose to be mentored, yet was really not healed enough to allow the process to work. She had great intentions, though the whole idea of learning how to create an income created quite an issue for her, still not being healed enough to move forward. This was something I should have caught, however, I was so caught up in the ideas that she had knowing that given her innate knowledge she could help a lot of people if we were to go forward. However, one really can’t move onto a mentorship program without first having one’s life to the point where things are running smoothly with the inner knowing of being  truly healed. One builds upon the other.

For anyone who is interested in doing a mentorship because you have an idea that is compelling to you, do realize that the first step is to have been healed to the point that I feel you are ready to move on to a mentorship program. This will be assessed with an application form going forward. This is to make sure that the program is a good fit for you in the attainment of your desired goals, because your success is indeed my success.

 

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Are You Just Sleep Walking Your Way Through Life?

Vol. 48, March 2007

Many people have had dreams to do some wonderful things with their lives. They have earned certifications or college degrees to do work that they felt was in line with their highest purposes, only to be unable to follow through in the real world.
I just finished working with a client in his early 50s who fits that description. He spent a lot of money on various training through the years, only to find that he was unable to follow through, lacking the self-confidence required. Continue reading

Nine Tests of Character – Do Your Friends Measure Up?

According to legends, Laozi leaves China on hi...

According to legends, Laozi leaves China on his water buffalo. Renard, (2002), p. 16 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Vol. 185, Jan. 26

If you were to ask your best friend if they have character, you would hear them say things such as, “I do what I say I will do.” or “I don’t lie.” But, do they REALLY never lie and do what they say they are going to do? The biggest source of confusion is when the people around you say one thing and then do another. So, one of the most important thing in navigating life is to pay more attention to their actions then their words.

I have recently been reading The Truth of Tao by Alex Anatole in which he references a translation of the Tao Te Ching titled The Wisdom of Laotse by Yin Yutang. In metaphorical prose Chung Tse ascribes the following quotes and the subsequent 9 tests to Confucius.

Confucius teaches, “Man’s mind is more difficult to know than the sky. For with the sky you know what to expect in respect of the coming of spring, summer, autumn and winter, and the alternation of day and night. But man, hides his character behind an inscrutable appearance.”

Do your friends hide themselves behind some barrier keeping their true self a mystery to you and to others? If so, they may be hiding their true selves from you, is that okay with you?

“There are those who appear tame and self-effacing, but conceal terrible pride.”  Is your friend pretending to be an innocent waif, when indeed they are truly a person who feels superior to others instead of an equal? If so, they may be hiding their true selves from you, is that okay with you?

“There are those who have some special ability but appear to be stupid.”  Is your friend a person who pretends to be less knowledgable than they are to get out of doing something that they prefer not to, or perhaps to have someone feel the need to take care of them when they are indeed capable of doing so yourself? If so, they may be hiding their true selves from you, is that okay with you?

“There are those who are compliant and yielding but always get their objective.”  Is your friend a person who will do anything to have their way, even if it isn’t in the best interest of all who are concerned? If so, they may be hiding their true self from you, is that okay with you?

“Some are hard outside but soft inside and those who rush forward to do the righteous thing as if they were craving for it, drop it like something hot.”  Is your friend a person who will only go so far for the benefit of another pretending to care, when in reality they will not go that extra mile that is necessary to handle the problem? If so, they may be hiding their true self from you, is that okay with you?

“Therefore (in the judgment of men) a gentleman sends a man to a distant mission in order to test his loyalty. He employs him near by in order to observe his manners. He gives him a lot to do in order to judge his ability. He suddenly puts a question to him in order to test his knowledge and make a commitment with him under difficult circumstances to test his ability to live up to his word. He trusts him with money in order to test his heart, and announces to him the coming of crisis to test his integrity. He makes him drunk in order to see the inside of his character, and puts him in female company to see his attitude toward women. Submitted to these nine tests, a fool always reveals himself.”

So, according to Confucius one needs to demonstrate the ability to be loyal, have manners, the ability necessary, the knowledge required, be his word, be  trustworthy, and have integrity. By judging people by these circumstances we are able to tell who we are REALLY dealing with because words can LIE.

By seeing people around us for who they REALLY ARE it will explain much apparently contradictory behavior and give us a clear guide on how to best adjust our own actions.

When someone comes into work it is because their conscious mind, that part of their mind that thinks it knows what it wants will tell them one thing, while their unconscious mind, that part of the mind that is in control of what they do, will have them do the opposite. Milton Erickson, one of the most revered hypnotist ever explained that this is why people would come into to so any hypnotist – to get the conscious mind and unconscious mind working together to accomplish the clients desired outcome.

An example of this was working with a woman a few years ago who came in to stop smoking. The only problem was that her unconscious mind wanted to continue the smoking to upset her brothers who were constantly telling her that she needed to quit. Her feeling was that the whole time their mother was needing extra care during her elder years, the brothers were no where to be found while she did all the work to maintain her mothers wellbeing. It was only by bringing this client’s two minds together for the same goal, that she was able to successfully stop smoking.

These words go back to 136 BC at least according to Yin Yutang in his book The Wisdom of Laotse which I have quoted above. For a more understandable explanation of Taoism please read The Truth of Tao by Alex Anatole a true master with over 50 years of practicing the Tao, starting at the age of 7.

 

 

 

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Are You Truly Depressed? Maybe it is Something Else Entirely – Vol. 88 May, 2010

Vol. 88 May, 2010 – Are You Truly Depressed? Maybe it is Something Else Entirely

Article written by Donna N.

Depression is a symptom and our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. It doesn’t have to be just in our minds. It can be in our bodies organs such as the thyroid or adrenal gland  as I found out recently after 30 years or so of feeling depressions wide and varied, yet vague symptoms of tiredness and lack of energy, amongst other symptoms.

Continue reading

What is the difference between substance abuse and addiction of substances?

addictionVol. 184, Jan. 19, 2013

I had a young client come in to see me a few years ago, who had a bit of a weed smoking habit. He enjoyed the peace and calm that it brought into his life. The only problem was that his “parents would kill him” in his words, if they were to find out. He was fearful that if they did find out, his college education would be on his own tab. So he came in to see me to stop his smoking of weed. In his case it wasn’t that he couldn’t stop it, for it was really not a huge part of his life. He just enjoyed it after working, especially if he had a full day of courses before he went off to his job. In his case, I really didn’t consider that he had a real problem. All he really needed to do was to substitute something else for his weed smoking behavior. In his case we substituted all sorts of cool things he could do with hypnosis bringing him similar feelings of openness and calm without the injury to his body and purse involved with smoking weed.

 

I had another client who had called to do work with me many years ago.  Back then he was still using cocaine regularly. I told him that he would need to be off the cocaine for at least a month before I would see him. Back then I didn’t yet know how to help someone to get off the drugs with few if any symptoms of withdrawal. A couple of years later he called to tell me that he had won a workman’s compensation claim and had the money to pay me in cash. This was a good thing since that was another of the conditions that I had set up with him knowing that he had a history of breaking and entering into homes to get the cash or material goods he could turn into cash to pay for his cocaine habit. He was open enough with me to let me know that he was wanted in two other states for breaking and entering with the “cops” looking for him to serve his time very shortly. This was of course a situation where the client was indeed addicted to the drug. The willingness to do anything including putting his liberty at risk, to to get the ‘hit’ is an indicator that the drug was running him instead of he running the drug. Any time a person is spending inordinate amount of time obtaining the substance, while giving up normal activities of living despite the problems, one is considered to be substance dependent, otherwise known as being an “addict”.

 

Keep in mind that one needs to be aware of co-existing mental disorders that have a significant direct effect on the client’s mood, thought processes, mental functioning, and personality. Professionals who can address these issues as well is a required part of the treatment for the treatment to be complete and for it to hold.

 

So to make this very clear for you, one who abuses substances is one who is using them in a manner that is not prescribed or is taken to get some desired effect which in the ingesting can do more harm than provide any help. People abuse substances to fit in with others, to stop thinking about negative situations or feelings about themselves, or to black out – all of which are to be rid of the pain they are feeling. In these cases the individual can usually walk away from the drugs without much incidence if any.

 

A person who is addicted to a drug will find that when the drug is used up in their system, that they have urges for more. If those urges are not fulfilled with another dose of the drug, then the withdrawal symptoms of coming off that particular drug will start to be experienced. This can take on many forms from very mild effects to paranoid or suicidal thinking to a racing heart, or even a heart so slowed down with such depressed breathing that the person dies. It is really a matter of the types of drugs that are being abused. This is known as an overdose.

 

The tricky thing is that one really doesn’t know how much of a drug one’s body can handle especially if the addiction has been occurring over a protracted period. What the body may have been able to once tolerate, may come to a state where it no longer can, bringing on the shutting down of the body.

 

Now, what I want you to understand is that one can indeed get off of drugs and do so safely using hypnosis. Please find someone who has experience doing this work. Find someone who understands the psychology and physiology of drug abuse and addiction. And that person definitely needs to understand what happens with the withdrawal off of each class of drugs. It is always wise to have someone with you as you go through the process of withdrawal for your own safety. That being said, coming off the drug is by far the easiest part of the process. It generally last for a for a few days and is then is over. The much harder and more important part of the healing program is learning how to establish a life that creates a sense of feeling whole and complete, including love, joy and fulfillment. That is where the real work begins. Any program that one goes through regarding addictions should last no less than a year, it taking that long for a person to recognize that they have gained the stability required to move forward without the desire to reach for the drug of choice ever again. This is borne out by many studies that have been done in the area of addictions research.

 

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Thriving Under Pressure: How Your Emotions May Be Limiting You

stress

stress (Photo credit: bottled_void)

Vol. 64 May 2008 – Thriving Under Pressure: How Your Emotions May Be Limiting You

It is a fact of life today that people are feeling over whelmed by all the pressures they feel as the cost of everything is going up, up, up and the income they receive in real dollars is going down, down, down. With the increase in the cost of goods due to the devaluation of the dollar in the world markets everything from the cost of fuel for operating vehicles to the cost of anything that is transported from elsewhere, the squeeze is being felt more tightly.

When we feel squeezed by the influences from out side our selves we can become very upset and frustrated. These negative emotions can start to permeate every area of our life, for it all seems to be such a struggle. It can affect our physical and emotional health which can lead to problems in our work environment as well as in our personal relationships out side of work. Continue reading

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