Replacing Water with H2O: Medication versus Abused Drugs?

Vol. 87 April, 2010- Replacing Water with H2O: Medication versus Abused Drugs?

Article Written by Donna N.

I recently was made aware of a woman who needed to stop abusing drugs and went to her doctor, who prescribed a “medication” to help her accomplish this. In the process of her accomplishment which was the stopping of abusing drugs, she got addicted to the medication which was prescribed for her to do this.

Why is it whenever we have a symptom or a health problem, and we go to a doctor, the first line of defense is a prescription for some sort of pill, even if it is not needed. Continue reading

Wondering if Your Spouse Is A Sex Addict? If So, What Do You Do About It?

20100803 1934 - Cape Cod - Tavern - Chase - se...

20100803 1934 – Cape Cod – Tavern – Chase – sex addiction shirt – IMG_1798 (Photo credit: Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos (ClintJCL))

Vol.190, March 2

With 53% of all marriages ending in divorce, with 41% of marriages having infidelity being evident, and with 40 million people in the United States sexually involved with the internet, (Exposing Porn: Science, Religion, and the New Addiction, Paul Strand. Christian Broadcasting Network, 2004) one would have to give merit to the idea that there is something going on in our homes that may be more prevalent than we may wish to believe.

How do you know if your significant other is a sex addict versus just being tired of the relationship that is being experienced with you?

Sex addicts are sex addicts because they are unable to stop acting out their impulses regardless of the huge price that may be paid in loss of relationships with their spouse, losing their family, losing their job and in 10% of cases of illicit paid sex, ending up behind bars (with 90% of prostitutes getting arrested).

Some signs to be aware of in this situation would be: finding your mate spending inordinate amounts of time at his computer, no longer coming to bed at a reasonable hour, finding your partner engaging in frequent massages where he is getting his releases done for him there and maybe escalating to seeing escorts to fulfill his every sexual fantasy.

The inability to form normal attachments in primary relationships is the core reason for sex addiction to form. This goes back to never being nurtured fully while an infant, never attaching normally to the primary guardian. I have written about this more extensively in my book Do I Have A Sex Addiction? Now What? Which you can get for a small investment through this website or through amazon.com.

What you need to know as the partner to this gentleman is that it is not your fault and never was your fault. What you also need to know is that like most addictions one cannot force another to face up to the fact until one is ready to do so. If you realize that your spouse really does want to stop and hasn’t the ability to do so, you are probably dealing with a sex addict.

So what are you to do in such a case? Well, the first thing you need to do is figure out if you are willing to go through the emotional ups and downs of being with a person who isn’t capable of truly loving you in the “normal fashion,” not because of the lack of desire, more because of the lack of true ability to do so. If he is willing to get help, he can learn how to love in the manner that is more in line with what we mean by using that word “love.”

I have treated many men who have come to me for sex addiction over the past several years and in the great majority of cases where their was a primary relationship, and the partner was aware of the situation she was supportive of her partner receiving the help needed. So, the marriage needn’t end if you are both committed to have it work out. Though, there are going to be some realizations regarding how to best address the issue of the sexuality as expressed both in and out of the marriage. Appropriate boundaries that work for both of you will need to be formulated and abided by as a deeper respect for the relationship and each other is formed.

In some cases, the marriages are dissolved more as a result of one or both of the partners realizing that they are not ready for the commitment that a marriage requires.In these cases many of my clients have remained close friends with one another.

No matter what your specific case may be, there is hope that you can get through this issue with the correct respect given the understanding of what is really behind the behavior and a willingness to work through it. Like any addiction, this is an illness that needs appropriate treatment.

In my practice I help my clients to let go of their addiction and form boundaries with others they never had before. I teach them respect for themselves and for others through hands on exploration of the relationships in which they are currently involved. For the partners who are aware of the problem, we deal with a better understanding of what needs to happen for a better sexual relationship for the two of them. This is because more often than not the sex addicted partner feels unable to express what his true desires are for the sexual relationship having felt he “put off” his mate previously with asking for the fulfillment of the sex play of his fantasies.

Another aspect of this whole issue is the relative ease the female partner has with her own body and sexuality. It is sad that given the religious backgrounds of many, that the inherent ability to express one’s sexuality is condemned as a person comes into their sexual expression as if there is something wrong with being sexual. Many women have no idea what sort of sexual play is fun and fulfilling for them being told that masturbation is wrong and that sexual relations outside of baby making are prohibited. With these sorts of ill gotten beliefs of his mate, any male with ten times the testosterone of a female will find other ways to take care of his immediate sexual needs. Unfortunately, for the man with an attachment disorder, this will lead him right into sexual addiction.

With any relationship it does indeed take both parts to have a healthy interdependence. If there is a problem both need to be willing to look below the surface of blame or excuse making to heal the issues that are the reasons for the destructive behavior. When this is done, the relationships can and do heal in my experience working with this population.

 

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Vol. 92, September 2010 – What’s A Human Life Worth?

Written by Donna N.

I was listening to the news on the radio while driving home recently and a man came on and gave a 3 minute commentary that is still sticking in my mind. No matter how hard I try to forget his words, I cannot.

What he said disturbs me even now, over a week later.

Most of us know that the person dubbed the “Craiglist killer”  committed suicide recently.  Why this person felt the need to take his own life can only be speculated now. Why the person giving the commentary said what he said can only be guessed by me, because I am not sure it is even worth the time to find him to inquire. What I believe is that this person has little regard for human life. Continue reading

So You Don’t Believe You Can Be an Ex-Drug Addict, I’ve Got Great News for You!

Open bottles of Extra Strength Tylenol and Ext...

Vol. 189, February 23, 2013

Donna N. Came to me about four and a half years ago, after being carted off to the hospital for observation for suicidality. The only problem with this scenario was that she was not suicidal at the time that the psychiatric social worker had the cops take her away. It was this humiliating and unnecessary incident that lead Donna to seek out an alternative practitioner to help her let go of her prescription drug abuse, leading her to me.

Since that time, Donna has come through some other more harrowing events that are partially written about in the book she co-authored with me Wake Up Doctors: 10 Steps To Reclaim You Patients Respect and Trust which you can access from the opt-in box on this website. That story continues as she is still figuring out all the medical issues involved with the book being updated accordingly. However, there is something more interesting in respect to Donna’s previous drug habit that you ought to know about.

Valentine’s Day February 14th at 4:30 AM Donna was leaving for work as she usually does. We had a very large snow storm leaving many surfaces such as the stairs out of her building icy. Though it was well lit, Donna didn’t see the black ice, suddenly finding herself falling down, sliding to the bottom of the stairs. By the time she hit the bottom step she had broken her wrist in two places.

Her wrist was hurting so bad that she was offered some pain pills at the hospital. She said she can’t take anything. The doctor asked why. She told them that the last time she took Tylenol she reacted to it, which they could find reference to from the last time she was at this hospital. She continued explaining that she didn’t need a medication reaction on top of the pain from the break. The hospital staff told her that they would give her some Motrin and she could stay there to make sure she would be okay. The Motrin helped for a little bit. However, her treating doctor didn’t want her taking Motrin because of the damage that it could cause to her liver. He suggested she take a Tylenol with codeine which was prescribed as follows: “Take one tablet every 8 hours as needed for pain.” When Donna got home she took a quarter of pill not really wanting deal with any reactions. This amount didn’t create any reactions in he,r so she took the rest of the pill.

Now, what is so interesting is that the directions were to take “One tablet every 8 hours for pain as needed.” Donna has taken exactly one tablet a day, with it not really helping her. An addict would never have taken in the words “as needed” on the bottle. They would have just taken it. She also pointed out to me that an addict would never be able to stop taking the codeine tablets, especially with opiates having been her drugs of choice in the day. An addict would have found themselves quickly taking more than was prescribed getting “high” off of them. Donna did state that she got that “spacey feeling” finding that it was much less alluring than it was previous to her treatment with me. She had zero inclination to take any more of the drug, stopping at that one pill.

So, you judge: Is Donna still and addict, or do you believe that it is indeed possible for one to be healed of this issue and be able to respond to the drugs in the cautious manner that Donna currently does?

 

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Is An Eating Disorder Robbing You of The Gentle Hearted Kid You Brought Into This World? Some Answers to Turn It Around

MonicaVol. 188, Feb 16, 2013

I came into the world of anorexia when I was 12 years old. My sister who was 5 years older had a best friend, Laurie, come home from college with her after her first year. She was in my sister’s room helping her to paint it from a lavender purple to a light blue. Her jeans were hanging off her slim non-existent hips, wearing such a large t-shirt it was hard for me to understand why she was wearing it. She went back to college to return home for Christmas break looking so emaciated it was difficult to look at her. She returned to college, never to came home again. She had contracted pneumonia with her body so malnourished from the anorexia, she succumbed to the illness. She was 18 years old.

As sad as it is to know that an 18 year old college student needlessly passed away, it is terrible to know the staggering to realize that between 1995 and 2006 anorexia has jumped by over 119%. Worse many more younger children are affected by this horrific illness of the mind, starting as young as 8 years old. One would have to assume that this has little to do with fear of maturing given that they are still kids. At this age the development of the mind is still very concrete, taking information in quite literally. Being a hypnotist, working in the unconscious mind, that part of the mind that is literal, one needs to be very careful with the languaging that is used while one is in a hypnotic trance state, which is the state these kids are in 24/7.

Also as a hypnotist, I am well aware that the prime directive (main purpose) of the unconscious mind, is to protect the conscious mind from dealing with whatever may be too upsetting for it to know, even if the behavior is self-destructive. This is indeed the reason for repressed memories. With this in mind it is important to look beyond the presenting problem of the issues of the repulsion of food for the anorexic and the compulsion to eat of the bulimic. These behaviors “numb” out the feelings, getting rid of the unwanted negative thoughts telling the child that they are “to stupid, “unworthy of eating”,”unworthy of love”, or worse “unworthy of life”. Many of my clients speak of not even knowing why it is that they are even alive, many thinking that dying would be a better way to go given the emotional pain that they experience every single day. Also, do understand that for some anorexics, the starvation itself creates the release of the dopamine that results in “numbing” the mind from the constant negative chatter that is heard in the mind.

Until my eating disorder clients started showing up, I never realized how demeaning and rigid the treatment places were in dealing with their rather frail patients. No one goes to an in-patient unit unless it is seen as necessary. I looked into eating disorder treatment centers and the backgrounds of those who run them. Where I thought I would find some sort of formal training in the condition, none was to be found.There really is no underlying educational component involved to help work with this all too often fatal disease.Some people get involved with it because they have had the issue themselves. Some because their kids have gotten through it, the parents thinking they have found a better answer

The one over arching plan of action in these so-called treatment centers is the belief that if the child gets their weight up to “normal” they will be fine, as if the idea of being fat, and feeling gross upon the child leaving will set them up for success. If one looks up eating disorders on the internet, one will find many places where it is noted that the eating disordered person is looking for ways to “fake” their way through treatment to get out. They just want to live the way they know, feeling in control, even if it is really the illness that is in control of them. The clients who get better do ultimately come to this conclusion.

I would like to submit that one doesn’t just come down with this sort of deadly illness. There are always larger reasons why something like this is able to take hold. Though I am not in the business of blaming the family for the illness, I am in the business of seriously looking deep inside to figure out what sort of messaging was given at an early age in an effort to heal those hurt feelings. This will allow the family to feel healed, whole and complete. One needs to remember that the unconscious mind of a child under the age of 9 is unable to reason, rationalize or judge what a person in authority is saying, taking it in just as it is said. That doesn’t mean that because a parent said something that the child took in as hurtful is the cause of the problem. Rather,it is to become more aware of how we interact with the younger among us to negate this sort of unintentional degradation of self to occur as best we can. We are all human and as such all have our bad days.

Dr. James M. Greenblatt who wrote Answers to Anorexia: Breakthrough Nutritional Treatment that is Saving Lives also has a very important angle on the whole eating disorder issue. He states, rightfully so, that when one is malnourished the mind is unable to process information “normally” with the neurotransmitters and hormones being thrown out of balance. Therefore, it is very important to get the correct nutrition into the child, to allow the brain to function as it should.

My main issue with many of the treatment centers out there based on my clients negative response to them, is that they operate as rigidly as the mind of an eating disordered patient. This is the same person who is already tearing themselves down with a constant barrage of negative commentary inside the mind. Knowing this, it is my belief that goal needs to be opening up the eating disordered clients world. This is done by being more flexible, allowing for more choices, while learning to listen to their own bodies, all the while giving them praise and rewards for working in her own self-interest toward healthier living.This isn’t allowing them to manipulate the caregiver as they will do in every way they know how. It is to say, that being one step ahead holding them responsible for their double talk, while teaching them appropriate boundaries with others is much more helpful for them to navigate the world they live in outside of a treatment center. In short, they need to emotionally mature to equal their chronological age in order to “fit in” with others, one of the main complaints of this population.

The best way I know to get them to achieve good health on the mental and emotional level is for them to create their own “compelling future”, something that has more emotional significance to them than remaining ill as they get all the attention, even if negative, from being ill.

One way to get a teen-ager to gain weight is to let her know that those healthy babies that she so desperately believes she would like to have, will be possible only if she is healthy herself and able to nourish the developing fetus. Of course we don’t want young kids to get pregnant too early. However, the point here is to be aligned with the one thing that the client truly desires in life and work from there to help her to get her health back.

With this in mind, I am in the process of raising money through my indiegogo campaign which you can learn more about and contribute to at http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/healing-eating-disorders-in-teens-and-children  to develop a program to help the families of eating disordered kids to better understand the illness while helping them to heal.

This is so important because we are losing some of the smartest, most creative kids at such an early point in life, they don’t even know who they are, never mind what they would like to be when they grow up. It is through helping the families heal that the kids will be able to get well in a much more loving and constructive manner. This is the goal of the project. Please do what you can to help me to help these families save their kids. The research demonstrates that the earlier we get help to these children the better chance they have to become happy, healthy, productively fulfilled adults.

 

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Healing starts in your mind

Vol. 77 June 2009- Healing Starts in Your Mind

Anyone who has taken medication and felt better almost immediately realizes that this result most likely was too soon to be caused by the medication. This effect is known in the medical field as the “placebo effect”. Doctors are taught that 30% of the people who are treated with placebos will show signs of improvement. However they are also taught that this improvement is subjective and temporary because the illness will continue to take its course.

In 1993 a study was published in Clinical Psychology Review proving that 70% of the time placebos were effective in treating Herpes, stomach ulcers and angina pectoris. Placebos have also been noted to reduce cancerous tumors as well as regenerating the immune cells of AIDS patients. Continue reading

Defining Normal

Vol. 53, June 2007

A couple of years ago I had a gentleman call me. He was in a very difficult situation because he had gotten himself a criminal record by stealing jewelry from stores in order to feed his drug habit. The only problem was that he was still on the drugs, but couldn’t I help him get his life in order? Continue reading

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