Apr 06 2013

Lost Someone Close to You: Getting Past the Grieving

Grindelwald Church Cemetary (horiz.)Lost Someone Close to You: Getting Past the Grieving – Vol. 195, April 6, 2013

Back in 1985, my father passed away. For me it was a shock having moved a few hundred miles away from home upon my completion of college. I had no idea of the changes that were occurring in his personality, the effects of small ischemic strokes. It took me several years to really process his death, having gotten much closer to him only six years before his passing. However, what I didn’t know then, was that grieving can be done in a matter of minutes when done with the use of the unconscious mind with hypnotism.

Quite a few years ago I had a young high school student come in for a session. She was having a difficult time with her hockey coach losing her desire to play. As we did the work to clear this issue, her mother who was in the session with us, wrote a little note to me. She asked if I could help her daughter to deal with the loss of four of her close friends in the past three years.

Kids being in a hypnotic state without my having to do a thing are easy to work with. So I let her mom know that I would take care of these losses for her daughter during the session. With each friend, I brought her back to the last time she saw them, then on to when she got the news of their death. I had her go through a process of imagining herself at the wake if there was one, the funeral hearing the eulogy. She was then instructed to then hug her friend. Finally she was to see the friend on the other side. The result for her was a true healing. An extra bonus was knowing that her fellow hockey player was with her as she played. This process turned her whole attitude around in a matter of an hour. You can read her full account here.

I had another client, a gentleman in his 40’s, who came in to see me for a drinking problem. He had done over $3,000 worth of damage to his brand new truck. As part of the work we did a clearing of those in his life that had caused him some harm as well as those with whom he was appreciative. When we went to do what is known as the “death scene” with his father, he told me how angry he was at his father, how much he hated the man and was glad he was dead. However, something very interesting happened as we did this work. At the point where he needed to speak to his father he broke down in tears, realizing for the first time how much he missed his father and how much he loved him. Again the process took about a half hour in this case, certainly a lot less time than the years it would normally take to bring some sort of resolution to the loss.

Grieving is a necessary process that needs to be respected for the healing that it allows. However, you can if you so choose, release the feelings of loss quite easily. By creating positive feelings, by learning of all that was gained by having that person in your life even if there were many destructive attributes. I have yet to have a client be unable to come up with less than three positive attributes of any person that was an integral part of his/her life. The end result is one of healing with the ability to move on no longer bogged down with the upsetting emotions one contends with while grieving.

 

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Mar 30 2013

Smoking Cessation: How Do You Know if You are Truly Ready to Stop Smoking?

Why have you abandoned us?Smoking Cessation: How Do You Know if You are Truly Ready to Stop Smoking?- Vol. 194, March 30

Isn’t it interesting that the people who already have a lung or heart disease who call in to stop smoking, always tell me that they can’t afford the cost of the one session to do so?

The reason that they can’t afford to quit their habit is because they purchase their cigarettes one box at a time instead of in cartons. However, this is not the reason they are not choosing to stop their smoking habit, it is merely the excuse for why they will not stop.

Those people who do come in to get the session done find that they have stopped smoking for a year or longer after they make the DECISION to STOP. You see, this is all it takes – a decision to STOP SMOKING. That is all. For those who try to stop and don’t succeed, the main problem is that they want to stop, however they haven’t COMMITTED to stopping their smoking habit and thus there is really nothing that can be done to help them to stop the habit.

You see, the part of them that wants to stop is the conscious mind, while the unconscious mind is keeping them smoking for whatever they feel they get out of the act of smoking – to feel calmer (truly interesting given that nicotine is a stimulant so is the opposite of calming), giving them something to do when they are bored, anxious or during certain activities that they have unconsciously linked up with their smoking behavior like drinking alcohol, driving or talking on the phone. In short, their cigarettes are their “best friend” always there to soothe them no matter what the issue is that is causing them angst.

If you are a person who has committed to stopping smoking, have tried myriads of methods with little to no results, hypnosis has been demonstrated to be one of the most effective ways of achieving your goal. Cardiologists at McGill University and the Jewish General Hospital, Montreal, evaluated four hypnotherapy trials involving 273 people and found that those who had some form of hypnosis were 4.6 times more likely to be smoke-free after 12 months then those without any form of hypnosis.

The reason behind this great result is because hypnosis brings together the two parts of your mind – the conscious and the unconscious mind allowing you to easily drop the unwanted habit. When you consider that there are no drugs involved, need to hold an electronic cigarette, or putting nicotine directly into your body, doesn’t it make sense to work with a hypnotist who knows how to help you end this deadly habit?

 

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Mar 23 2013

Friendships Are The Difference Between Wellness and Illness

Free Mall Girls Riding on The Escalator Creative CommonsFriendships Are The Difference Between Good Health and Illness – Vol. 193, March 23

It is amazing to me how many of my clients, generally the women, who are in my age range between 45 and 60 who have admitted to me that they really don’t have any true friends. They do have acquaintances through work or shared interests, but really don’t think of them as true friends. In many cases this has brought on a feeling of being alone in the world, leading to depression, drug addiction and other destructive behaviors. So let us get clear on what true friendship actually means and why it is so important to a well being.

Generally when we think abut true friendship, we are speaking of a relationship with someone with whom we hold high regard, someone who we trust and someone on whom we can depend to be there when we need them, as we would be there for them in their time of need.

The New York Times published an article on April 20, 2009, by Tara parker-Pope that looked into the science behind health based on relationships. Researchers in Australia found hat 22 percent of older people with a large circle of friends were less likely to die during the study than those with fewer friends. In 2008 Harvard University researchers reported strong social ties could promote brain health as we age.

So what constitutes a healthy friendship?

Friendships are based on mutual respect which means that the relationship needs to feel positive and filled with kindness on both sides.

Shared values is another aspect of true relationships. It is the underlining glue that holds a relationship together, though it seems rarely that people give this much thought. Maybe this is because our values are largely held in our unconscious minds. It is the common values shared where we may get a feeling of resonance with one another.

We get a good feeling while in the company of our friend, their generous nature toward us shining through in both word and deed. We feel like returning the favor because of the glowing feelings that we have for a like minded attitude toward our friend.

Take the time to be with your friends. Let them know how special they are in your life, never taking for granted that they know how you feel about them. Think about how you feel when something special is done for you and how appreciated you feel as a result. These are the moments that bring life, health and happiness to our existence no matter the pressures we may feel elsewhere.

I realized the importance of my friendships up to and during the few months that I was abroad a few years ago. I had left without knowing if I was coming back here to live permanently. It was during the “going away” conversations that I had with my closest friends and family that I learned how much my presence in each of these peoples’ lives meant to them. It was a priceless gift from each. While I was abroad, I had much time to reflect on these friendships and how they were the foundation that allowed me the strength to make it through any hardships. I knew that I was surrounded by people that I knew loved and cared about me, ever present, ever respectful of my choices in life regardless of how they may feel about those same choices. This isn’t to say that if one of my friends had a question of concern they failed to bring it up. True friends always raise the hard questions in a loving and constructive manner, which is a true gift of giving as well.

If you are feeling that a person in your life is bringing you down, or expecting much more from you than you are receiving in turn, it is time to revisit if this is a healthy relationship. Understand that it is quite fine to realize that perhaps over the years that you and your old friend may have taken different journeys. Departing ways is the correct thing to do. In so doing, it will allow each of you to attract others with more in common. This is a healthy and necessary path to take for each of you. One may do this by allowing the dying relationship to end, or by having a open respectful discussion to about the reality of the negative direction that the relationship has taken. You can then do the work to heal the relationship or choose to go in different directions. Either way can and will work. Just make sure that the termination of the relationship is done in a manner that is healing rather than hurtful as best you can.

 

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Mar 16 2013

Stress: You Feel it, But Do You Know What It Is Doing To Your Body?

Vol. 39, June 2006

People today are under a lot of stress. It seems as if there is never enough time to take care of oneself, never mind getting done all the things that need to get done in any given day. Even positive situations like having a baby or starting a new job can create stress in your life.

You may feel the stress as a slightly sick feeling in your gut, or perhaps tightness in your neck or shoulders. Continue reading

Mar 16 2013

Incest: Is Your Parent Out of Bounds with Their Treatment of You sexually? How to Protect Yourself?

Adult Content .. Penn St officials head to cou...

Adult Content .. (Jul 1, 2012 ) … (Photo credit: marsmet524)

 

Vol. 192, March 16, 2013

 

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network 44% of the victims are under age 18 and 80% are under age 30. Every two minutes someone is sexually assaulted in the United States accounting for 207,754 occurrences. A friend or acquaintance will commit the assault 38% of the time. There really are no statistics on what proportion of these assaults are involving incest.

 

Unfortunately for many of the woman who come into my practice with addictions and eating disorders, there has been a history of some sort of sexual betrayal by a family member. In most cases it is by their father.  In many cases the women feel that their mothers knew what was happening, yet didn’t do anything to stop the unwanted attention. In other cases the women confronted their mothers about the abuse just to be told that they were making it up and then were scolded in some fashion. There are many reasons that this could be the reaction. One could be that the mother feels she has no control of the situation being dependent on her husband for her own survival needs. She may not be in good health, either emotionally or physically and therefore is not in a position to create more problems. Or it may be that the family is well known and respected in the community and unwilling to damage that credibility. Of course this only furthers the damage done to the one who has been victimized. The younger the individual is when the abuse happened the deeper the emotional problems will most likely be. In the case of my eating disorder and drug addict cases, they often wonder why they are even alive.

 

In the case of the sex addicts who come in to see me, the statistics show that 81% of them have been sexually abused. In my practice I have found that the great majority of these men were sexually abused before they were even old enough to be sexually active themselves.

 

It is very sad that this is the case knowing the amount of people out there who are holding onto hurt feelings, unable to trust people enough to allow any real sense of being closeness to another to form. This leaves many feeling lonely and in many cases without any relationships of any true meaning even on the basic level of friendship. Being people, we are like ants and bees, social beings that need to interact with others to feel loved, appreciated and secure.

 

With this in mind I would like you to think about the situation that you are in or were in while younger and if it was a situation where your boundaries were being crossed by a parent. In many cases no sexual intercourse is required for ill feelings to be felt, resulting in the emotional distancing from others to occur. I have had some female clients with whom their parent was just touching their thigh a bit too high for it to feel “innocent.” I have had others where the sex play was something they were involved in and even though they knew it wasn’t okay, went along with it anyway, now feeling very guilty about the whole situation.

 

If you are under age, it becomes a difficult situation. However, if you go to a counselor by law they will have to report it. IF you are an older person, do what you can to get out of the situation. The person who is involved has no understanding of the damage that is being done to you, and worse probably is incapable of caring enough to change.

 

Once you are out of the situation, do yourself a favor and get some help. The best help  is where you can be desensitized from the ill effects of this terrible injustice that has been done to you. On top of that there needs to be a sense of forgiveness for the acts done against you by any and all who were involved. The reason for this is because the anger that you are holding is only damaging you at this point. It is much better to realize that the person(s) involved were sick in their own right and deal with it from that point of view. I know this can be a hard one to take, and yet, I have had many clients come in to my practice who have been able to better understand that it was what it was and to let it go. In this way the past no longer is interfering with the clients’ present or future. Life is so much better when one is able to do that. Just make sure that you work with a practitioner who is sensitive to your need to heal without the need to blame anyone for the situation. Blaming is inflaming, and never healing regardless of the situation at hand.

 

 

 

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Mar 09 2013

Serious Young Athletes Experiencing Anxiety Can Be Helped With Hypnosis!

Vol. 45, December 2006

In the last couple years I have had a few young serious sports competitors come in to work with me to relieve anxiety issues around their competitions. The kids are very interested in coming in to do the work so they can get back on track, which makes it very easy to accomplish the goal of relieving them of any symptoms due to their anxiety. I want to share a couple of cases to demonstrate how well this sort of intervention can work for these passionate kids. Continue reading

Mar 09 2013

Out Galavanting With Strangers: Do You Know Who You Are Having Sex With? It Matters To Your Health and Well Being

176/365 - Always Kiss Me GoodnightVol. 191, March 9, 2012

Online dating is a $4 billion industry, with over 40 million people involved as of the statistics for 2010 here in the United States. As a divorced woman for a few years now, I have found fraud on both the paid sites and the free sites, so use your brain when using both. The screening mechanisms are only as reliable as the respondent’s answers. What this means is that you best beware what you are dealing with, being smart upfront doing your own screening process. If it is too good to be true, it most likely is. This isn’t to say that one can’t meet a decent person online. I know a few people who have. However, I would like you to think about your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being as you go about finding a suitable partner. Because the reality is that even when we think we know someone, as when we are introduced to someone by a friend, we still have no way of really knowing what that person is capable of under pressure until we are willing to see the truth for what it is. Sadly, few people are willing to do this wanting to believe that the person they are with is “the one”, desperate for love and companionship. Please do yourself a favor and keep your wits about you. From my own experiences, though there have been some positive dates, this can indeed be a rough world to navigate for many will hide behind the computer pretending to be something they are not, or interested in you when indeed they have other agendas in mind.

I signed up for a few different sites over the years finding that even the paid sites had people who were out there trying to scam me. I had one guy who said he lived in California and wanted to meet me. The only problem was that he needed me to send him some money. Why would a man need me to send him money if I am the one to do the travel? Obviously this was a scammer. I found this to be true when I went online to google his name after this rather curious request finding no one anywhere was listed with his particular name as he claimed it to be.

There was another man that I met on another site and we only messaged back and forth on the site a few times. That was a good thing given that at first he gave me the idea that he was a successful business man. A couple of messages later he was asking me to send $5,000 over to him in Nigeria. He said his son had come down with malaria and he hadn’t any way to access his own money for medical care and no way to get back home to the US. Needless to say, yet another scam.

I have met emotionally unstable men and even one who had no idea in how to curb his own sexually disgusting needs. It didn’t go far since we were outside in public and both clothed, needless to say it was an uncomfortable situation.

Even the “nice” ones who are wiling to take me out, yet have little interest in any of the things that I care about, are not dating material so far as I am concerned. For any relationship to become something more there has to be some shared interests and a willingness to be present for one another.

As bad as these experiences of mine were, beware of the fact that 10% of those who are online dating are sexual offenders. They will lie about who they are putting up fake profiles so you won’t know.

Men will lie about their age, height and income while woman will lie about their age and weight using older pictures. Even with these statistics, 17% of married couples met online. (http://americasbride.com/blog/2012/07/online-dating-service-statistics-marriage-statistics/) .

Lastly, do think about the issue regarding sexually transmitted diseases. The huffingtonpost.com article “STD Facts: Shocking Statistics You May Not Know About STDS” states that one in two sexually active young people will have a STD by the time they are 25 years old. There are more than 19 million reported cases every year. This doesn’t even count those who are without symptoms and unknowingly spreading disease. One would think that people would think this through before going forward with a virtual stranger. However, once the hormones get running, the sexual relations take place and before one knows it one is given a STD. Men are not very good about using condoms or even being prepared, I have found out. Women need to take this under consideration as well as the need for birth control if this is still an issue to be contended with.

I have to say that I go on and off about the whole on-line dating deal. It is one thing to go out to meet people and have a good time. It is quite another to get one’s hopes up only to find that you found yourself in yet another frustrating, emotionally time consuming situation without any hope of it becoming what one would want. At this time, I am quite contented just going about doing those things that bring meaning to my own life. For you the choice may be different. Just make sure that you are being honest with yourself and good luck on your search.

 

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