May 11 2013

Are You A Sex Addicted Woman?

sex selesAre You A Sex Addicted Woman? – Vol.200, May 11, 2013

If you are a woman who is fighting sex addiction, I realize that there are few resources to help you deal with your issue. I realized this when I got inquiries from woman who are struggling with this problem commenting to me that there are few places for them to get help.

The Statistics:

If you are a woman who fits this situation, by all means know that you are not alone. There are 13% of women (20% of men) who admit to looking at porn at work. Cybersex is problematic for 40% of females internet users. About 3% of the U.S. population would be female sex addicts (8% for men) according to Patrick Carnes, sex addictions researcher. Sadly about 50% of the females who went to male professional counselors be they clinicians or clergy were sexually abused so a female treater would be best.

Who Is A Sex Addict?

Sex addiction is a global term used to cover addiction to pornography, affairs, sex chat rooms, picking up people in bars and even prostitution. The way one knows if they are addicted to sex versus having a high sex drive is whether the sexual encounter satisfies them. For a sex addict, it really doesn’t matter how much time, money or potential harm comes to them, they still can’t stop the sexual activity. They are obsessively fixated on acting out, unable to stop the impulsive behavior, including hiding the behavior from others. This is because the “pleasure” neurotransmitter is being released into the brain which gives the addict the desire to continue the act from starting with the search phase to the completion of the sexual release.

Like with all addictions a tolerance level is reached where it takes more sexual activity to get the “high” till the ability to feel the pleasure from the dopamine no longer is evident. The addicted will continue the behavior just to feel “normal.”

Addiction by its very nature is an escalates over time with a withdrawal involved.

According to the research done, 81% of sex addicts were sexually abused. In most cases this is an “attachment disorder” in that the child never bonded normally to her caregivers. If the primary caregiver doesn’t look the infant in the eye, the right orbital area of the brain never develops the emotional attachment that is necessary to have healthy intimacy in her life. From that point on, she is looking for love in the wrong places. Since sex is not love and love is not just sex, many of these women feel emotionally hurt. Those who do not feel the emotional hurt have numbed themselves of any emotional connection.

What Can Be Done About It?

Though there are certainly sex addiction counselors and 5 different types of 12-step programs out there to work with people with this issue, I have a different answer. Over the past several years I have worked with sex addicts to let go of their sexual addictions without any of the reported withdrawals that conventional programs are unable to match. I have also been able to help my clients heal in a matter of a month or two without the need to perpetually obsess about the issue, and without needing to label themselves. For me healing occurs when people can re-enter the world living a normal life no longer being involved in the dysfunctional behaviors and that includes perpetually talking about your past behavior. Let it be in the past as you let it go. Search out a hypnotist that can help you to more easily heal from the underlying issues that created the problem in the first place. In this way you will be able to get on with your life, and back with your family where you belong.

 

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May 04 2013

An Interesting Weight Loss Case History – Vol. 102, May 12, 2011

A few weeks ago I received a call from a woman who worked in the medical field. She was looking for a hypnotist to work with her husband who had the interesting habit of sleep walking in the middle of the night to get something to eat. However, he had no recollection of this behavior. She did because she was regularly awakened each evening as a result of it.

She had found my name as a result of calling a community medical program who found the Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Inc. website online. When she found out that Dawning Visions was within an easy walk of her home, she decided to give me a call.

Her husband came in for his first appointment where I took his detailed personal history. From the conversation with his spouse on the phone I was of the opinion that this could be a fairly simple case. He had about 30 to 40 pounds to lose, making it a smaller amount of weight with which we were dealing. It was also clear that he may have an allergy to gluten given that he had to go to the bathroom right after eating, one of the common symptoms. However, one does not know what one does not know. I suggested that he refrain from eating wheat products and see if that helped him out at all.

During the detailed personal history he had many stories of loss of people in his life that he never really had a chance to grieve. He was rather sad while speaking of one of his sister’s two children who perished in a freak accident, some twenty-five years earlier. The children were only nine and eight years old and my client twenty-five at the time of the accident.

Since my client got upset as he told of the story I made the decision to do a hypnotic induction on him to heal some of the loss he had experienced. I asked him to ask his unconscious mind which of the individuals he felt the deepest need to grieve. This was done because the client really does have the best idea as to the clearing that will have the largest impact. He told me that he needed to clear the loss of his nephew and niece. He said it felt so unfair that two such loving and happy children had to perish. He could never get his mind around the loss.

We cleared the losses of the two children including him having a conversation with each of them as a way to allow him to have the very much needed closure around this sad situation. Next, I had him speak with his twenty-five year old self letting him know that now the forty-two year old would be taking care of him leaving the twenty-five year old self to be at peace finally.

A week later my client came in for his follow-up. The first thing that he said was that he was no longer awakening his spouse in the middle of the night as far as he knew since she had never told him of it happening since our first appointment. He started to make his meals and bring them to work. This was something he did for quite some time and stopped doing. Bringing his own food meant that he had control over what he was putting into his mouth, especially important if he was indeed gluten intolerant.
We cleared a couple of more losses for him, during his second session, though he made it clear to me that he felt the behavior was really all built around the loss of those two cute, innocent children.

So far things seem to be going well. I will be following him as he continues to drop the requisite weight.

The lesson here is fairly simple. It is not only about diet and exercise that people end up gaining weight. Emotional issues can and do contribute to these weight increasing behaviors. Once they are unearthed and dealt with, the need to fill up, even in the middle of the night during a sleep walking ritual you may not even be aware of, can be stopped and the weight can more easily come off.

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May 04 2013

Kids and Divorce: It’s Not As Bad As You Think

Hijo del divorcioKids and Divorce: It’s Not As Bad As You Think – Vol. 199, May 4, 2013

How many times have you heard parents relent that they are unable to divorce because of the harm it will do to their children? I hear this more often than I would like. From my perspective, if someone is in an unhappy marriage the best thing they can do for everyone involved, is to dissolve it. Using your children as a reason to stay in an unhealthy and untenable situation is a bad idea for all concerned.

Most of the 1.5 million children of divorce do well in the long term according the research sited by Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld in their article “Is Divorce Bad For Children” (Scientific American Mind, March/April 2013 p. 68-69). The researchers found that the children of divorce showed small differences in their overall social and emotional well being over those of married couples.

There were two situations that created the most angst from children:

1. Children do poorly with high levels of conflict during and after the divorce that are between you and your children’s other parent. Keep these conflicts to a minimum to help your children feel more secure through the process of divorce while minimizing emotional damage.

2. When parents didn’t express their marital issues, they surprised and in some cases terrified their children when the upcoming divorce was announced. Interestingly enough, those children who experience much tension between their parents before the divorce adjust better than those who experience little discord between their parents. These children happy to know that the fighting is coming to an end. Be honest with your kids about the situation between you and your spouse, speaking to them at their level of understanding.

One of the most common issues that arise in children regarding divorce is that of the child blaming him/herself for the divorce. I had a 10 year old boy come in for a session who was acting out in anger, pushing people. His dad really was not certain what the true issue here was because there were some serious problems going on with his mother at the time, along with some changes in the household itself. During the session his dad was present. I asked this little boy what was going one with him and why it was that he was feeling so angry. He answered quite honestly that he thought that it was his fault that his parents got divorced. To his father’s credit he was able to explain that just as his son sometimes has friends that he no longer feels friendly toward for whatever the reason, this is what happened to him and mommy.

If you have a child that is acting angry or even if the child is acting withdrawn, go ahead and simply ask what is on the child’s mind. If the child is able to express it, you will be able to have an honest discussion about how friendships can change over time. In this case the child understood that his mother had some serious emotional issues that she was going through. What he didn’t understand was that it was his mother’s issues that created the problems in the marriage, having nothing to do with him.

If your child is unwilling to speak to you, do go seek out some professional help. It will be better for your child and for the family as a whole.

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Apr 27 2013

The Importance of Telling People that they Matter

Because of Your Love I am FreeVol. 85 February 2010 – The Importance of Telling People that they Matter

Article written by Donna N.

One would think that telling someone you care would be a simple and natural act, as natural as eating or sleeping.  The simple act of letting someone know you care about them  too often goes unsaid,  and assumed or taken for granted..  By not telling someone you care and assuming they know how you feel you are really taking them as well as their life for granted.  Telling someone you care and appreciate them certainly is something that is done not nearly enough in our everyday lives.  People need to feel appreciated.   People need to be told they are cared about and appreciated.  Too often we go through our daily lives assuming that people know how we feel.  Due to this fact,  this newsletter has been a little hard to write.    We often assume the other person knows we care and so we do not feel the need to tell them.    It seems like they should just know,  but do they?   Why is it so hard to tell someone you care?   Probably because it is easier to assume they just know,  and that is why this newsletter was hard to write.  And just how important is this to us humans as we go through the motions of our daily life?   It wasn’t until I read an article on the internet that this hit home for me. The article was written by Victoria Rosner for the New York Times and she was also featured on the Today Show on TV on January 19, 2010. The title of the article is “ Shall I let my Son See His Dying Dad?”

When I read this article on my computer it reminded me of a similar situation in my own life.

The article was about a 2 year old boy who never knew his father.  His father had walked away from his mother when she was pregnant with him.   Although his father was not present physically,  it didn’t mean he didn’t care, or did it-how was this 2 year old to know? Continue reading

Apr 27 2013

Were You At The Boston Marathon When the Bombs Went Off? Learn the Symptoms of PTSD and What to do About Them

Vol. 198, April 27, 2013

For many it felt like a war zone with the blast occurring at the finish line. People hustled to take care of the injured as best they could after this horrific event. We know that those who are involved in life threatening events beyond anyone’s control might suffer post traumatic stress disorder as a result. From the hypnotic point of view, being in a highly emotional situation such is the case during events like this, the mind is open to the suggestions of fear, anxiety and hate one may be hearing around them. This would be in addition to any personal trauma experienced by the individual. For some who survived there may also be a feeling of survivor’s guilt, a wondering as to why they survived while others died. Of course if you lost anyone you knew, grieving the loss would be necessary.

Even with the training that the military personnel have, we hear of the many thousands who come home unable to live with these conditions of post traumatic stress and survivors guilt. Mental health professionals believe that civilians will be more susceptible to PTSD than military personnel in a war zone. This is because the civilians would never believe that bombs being exploded at such a beloved event as the Boston Marathon could ever happen. Mental health professionals also have found that man created events are more traumatic than those of natural disasters to those who suffer them. An act of terrorism such as this, leaves people feeling a lack of safety and security leading to feelings of distress not knowing if another attack will occur causing harm to self or community.

Please note: repeatedly going over the events with another will create more problems in the long run, so it is best to stop from doing so. However, getting a better understanding of what happened can help and ought to be done.

If these symptoms remain for over a month after the event you may be experiencing a PTSD response to the tragedy:

1) One can either have no recollection of the event OR they may have recurrent memoriess of the event.

2) Easily startled.

3)  More agitated than usual

4)  Inability to sleep

5)  Nightmares

6)  Desire to be isolated from others

7)   Desire for revenge

If you were a person who was close to the explosion, helping traumatized victims or traumatized yourself, you are going to have a much larger chance of developing PTSD. If this is so, do yourself a favor and get the help that you need.

Again, as a hypnotist, I want you to know that you can most likely be healed of these symptoms with some basic neuro-linguistic trauma removal techniques in a very short period. There is no viable reason to be in therapy for a long time and even less of a reason to be popping anti-anxiety medication. Just make sure that the hypnotist has a successful track record working with people who have dealt with post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety disorders. This is something you should readily be able to figure out by looking at the testimonials on the hypnotist’s website. I wish you the best going forward.

 

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Apr 20 2013

Boston Marathon Bombings: How To Best Deal With This Tragedy For You and Your Kids

boston-strongBoston Marathon Bombings: How To Best Deal With This Tragedy For You and Your Kids – Vol.197, April 20, 2013

The Boston Marathon being a long and treasured event in our country’s history, it is doubly sad and angering when it is used to create harm. However, what I would like to focus on in this weblog is how to best respond to this tragedy in a healthy manner.

1)  Limit or totally turn off the television to keep yourself from being negatively affected  by the massive media coverage. The reason that this is important is because your unconscious mind will take in all this negative reportage building up your feelings of anxiety and depression each time you see and/or hear a report.

2) Understand that we are unable to control every aspect of our lives. We are only able to respond to the events as they unfold.

3) If you feel yourself feeling tired, depressed or anxious get yourself some professional assistance to help deal with the trauma. It is much easier to handle when you share your experience with others.

4) Children under the age of 7 will not understand how rare this sort of event is, so do what you can do to let them know that they are safe.

5) Always validate your child’s feelings. Let them know that their feelings make sense and that it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling.

6)  If you aren’t sure what your child may be feeling just ask them what they heard and what they think. Then ask them how they are doing. Validate their feelings.

7)  If your child knew someone who was injured or killed be truthful about it. Always make sure to let them know that you are okay and as their parent you aren’t going anywhere.

Unfortunately we will have some distressing events occur over our life times.The best way to handle them is to be realistic about its effect both on ourselves and those whom we care about. Be loving and supportive to yourself and your loved ones. Always be willing to seek professional help if the quality of your life or a loved one’s life is being adversely affected.

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Apr 13 2013

How do I know if my kid has an emotional problem? What Do I look For?

A toddler girl crying

A toddler girl crying (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How do I know if my kid has an emotional problem? What Do I look For?  – Vol. 196, April 13,

Emotionally healthy children are able to demonstrate a range of emotions appropriately. These children are engaged in their lives with an aura of confidence. If they are having a problem, they will be able to speak openly about it to receive comfort and support.

Children who have emotional issues show it through an expression or repression of their feelings and/or change in their behaviors.

Indicators to look for:

Excessive fears and worries
Visible prolonged sadness
Easily triggered anger
Overwhelmed with guilt
Loss of interest in friends
Loss of interest in favorite activities
Sudden change in weight – gaining or losing to much
Sudden changes in sleep habits – too much, too little, nightmares
Seeing and hearing things that are not there
Substance abuse
Hyperactivity

A child that is always happy all the time or excessively loving may also have some emotional issues.

There are also children who close down their emotions having been hurt too many times, demonstrating a different set of emotional issues.

If you as the parent are noticing any of these indicators, here are some steps you can take to help your child:

If for example your child is triggered to anger very easily:

Find some private time and ask: Is there anything that I can do to help you to deal with whatever is causing the anger? I have seen you getting angry much of the time. Give a few examples.

Let the child know that you love them and want to help them.

Let the child know that s/he will not get into trouble by talking to you.

If the child is willing to talk, you can offer to help the child figure out what would be best to help the child feel loved and supported.

If the child feels that s/he needs outside help, you can ask the child what sort of help he or she would like? I have found in my practice it is usually the children who ask their parents if they can see a hypnotist.

If the child is unwilling to open up to you, let the child know that it is okay and ask if there is something bothering the child that he or she would like to keep private?

Usually when a child is fearful to speak with you, it means that they do not feel safe speaking with you about the problem. So, ask the child if S/he is afraid to talk to you.

Regardless of how the child answers, tell the child that it is better for you to find out from them, then to find out on your own.

Wait a few days to see if the behavior has changed. If not it is time to ask the child’s friends if something is going on that you need to know about.

If the feelings and behaviors continue it is time to seek some professional help. Your child’s safety is the most important thing here.

One thing that I would like to point out to you is that when a child is happy all the time or sad all the time, you need to take notice. It is these kids who are most likely depressed at risk for suicide if the situation isn’t dealt with.

If you have a child that isn’t eating, once again, the child’s life may be at risk, so take this as a serious indicator that the child may be depressed or is showing to have an eating disorder. Unfortunately this illness is effecting 8 to 12 year olds these days.

If you believe your child is getting into substance abuse, understand that there will be much denial about the problem, because that is the way the illness works. The substance abuser/addict will rarely admit that there is a problem. It is through being aware of what your child is doing and with whom your child is spending time, that you will have a better idea of what is really going on.Too many teens die due to abuse of substances these days feeling that they are immortal without understanding what their young bodies can tolerate.

Most of all, if you feel in your heart that there is something wrong going on, follow those instincts and get the appropriate help for your child.

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