Repair a relationship: What you need to know on how to be happy in a relationship. – Vol. 113 August 11, 2011

There are many instances when people come to my practice who are unhappy in life. Sometimes it has to do with their problems getting the better of them. However, there are other times when their lousy feelings about themselves is coming from a different place, mainly from their spouses, or partners in life. With clients who are fighting chronic health issues, this added stress makes their conditions worse.

A while back I was treating a professional woman who was in the midst of doing her studies for an MBA. About a decade before we worked together she had met her husband. He became very entwined in her inability to take care of herself because of her bulimic behavior. She was very young at the time they met and lacked any self-esteem. She felt secure with this strong man beside her who was always there to help her through her hard times by telling her what she needed to do.The only problem was that over the ten years they were together, as she was growing up, she no longer felt that his manner of caring was working for her. She felt like she was being treated as a child to be cared for instead of the purposeful adult that she had become. It became obvious to her that she needed to leave this man for it was he who was infantilizing her and keeping her sick by his disrespectful and angry treatment of her whenever she asserted herself.

I have another client of mine who is in a very dismal place regarding the relationship that she is in with her husband. Her husband is never willing to emotionally support her in their relationship be it regarding his ex, his kids from the previous marriage disrespecting her, or even the sexual harassment from the neighbor next door, apologizing to him for his wife’s behavior. In all these cases he has found her to be in the “wrong” while still telling her how much he loves her. The net result of the stress that this situation is putting on my client who suffers with the chronic condition of fibromyalgia is finding herself in more pain then before this relationship soured increasing her feelings depression and overwhelm.

If you find yourself in this sort of situation hypnosis may be a way for you to get clear whether or not you can heal the relationship or if it is time to move on. This is especially true if you are feeling disrespected and hurt as a result of the damage that is being done in that relationship. Because there are times when the issues are not based on the partner. Sometimes it is the client or the relatives of the client that have to be contended with to put the relationship back on track. This happened for a client of mine a few years ago whose husband was very disrespectful of her whenever there was some other adult around, either in person or on the phone with him. When we got down to the cause of the problem it had everything to do with her parents being very controlling of the couple in respect to visits with their grandchildren and their condescending attitude toward my client, their daughter. The husband felt that he was competing with his in-laws for his wife’s attention and could not win. In this case my client let her parents know that they were not welcome to just drop in whenever they chose and to curb the manner in which they interacted with the kids, stopping the preferential treatment of the oldest while demeaning the younger kids. As soon as this issue was resolved my client no longer felt depressed and stuck in her own vocation and her relationship with her husband became healthy again.

I would like to make it clear here that when one is in a relationship with another and the feelings that you are getting are not loving and positive it would be in your best interest to figure out if this is something that is coming from you, something that is coming as a result of the person that you are with or another individual who has placed themselves in the middle of your primary relationship as happened in the last case. Your body’s response to the stress involved in these uncomfortable situations is very strong indicator that perhaps one of these relationships is toxic to you.

My question to you is simply this: What sort of life would you be able to create if you were to let go of that noose around your neck that is the cause for your self-esteem to degrade and any illnesses to worsen? Would you be able to serve yourself better without all the drama and negative feelings and commentary aimed at you by this person or people? Be willing to get the help that you need to discern who is creating the problems so that you can have a better quality of life for yourself.

Hypnosis is a wonderful way to deal with these issues because the answers may be lurking in your unconscious mind, unavailable to you. In the last two cases above, we needed to get to the truth of what was really causing the problem because it was not obvious to them. In both those cases the women involved thought that there was something wrong with them based on the harsh treatment they were receiving from the people in their lives. They made themselves “at fault” for the problems. The reality was that they were just being victimized by people who were able to control them until they learned how to create better boundaries with those who were in their lives. In this way each woman was able to regain her self-confidence and reduce symptoms of the chronic health conditions that created so much difficulty for them.

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006: Will I ever meet the partner of my dreams? 9 Ways to Rethink What You Need to do to Attract Them

Episode #6

Will I ever meet the partner of my dreams? 9 Ways to Rethink What You Need to do to Attract Them

In this episode Suzanne will explain 9 ways to rethink what you need to do to attract the partner of your dreams.

 

005: Why do I always self-sabotage and 9 ways to overcome it.

Episode #5

Why do I always self-sabotage and 9 ways to overcome it.

In this episode Suzanne will explain why people have a habit of sabotaging themselves and will give you some practical ways to overcome it.

 

Drug abuse and teenagers: Statistics of drug abuse and how to help an addict- Vol. 115, August 25, 2011

The National Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse or CASA at Columbia University has reported this June, that adolescent substance use is the number one public health problem. This based on data from surveys 1,000 high school students, 1,000 parents, and 500 high school employees, including principals, teachers, counselors and coaches. According to the researchers a third of the users of these addictive substances fit the medical criteria of being addicted.

The report states that three-fourths of high school students have smoked cigarettes, drunk alcohol or used another drug. Alcohol being the most preferred addictive substance followed by cigarettes, marijuana and controlled drugs such as narcotic pain killers. Two-thirds of high school students have used more than one addictive substance and a quarter of the teens in the survey say they consider marijuana to be harmless.

As bad as the above statistics are the more scary truth according to this article is that people who use addictive substances before the age of 18 are six times more likely to develop a substance disorder than those who didn’t start till over the age of 21.

I have to say that from my practice the majority of people who become addicted to substances started out innocently enough wanting a new experience or as a result of a prescription given for pain control. The abuser got addicted as a result of a subtle change in their biochemistry looking for the dopamine high that would be triggered as a result of the abuse. There is a larger problem with youth becoming addicted to drugs. This would be that the emotional age of the person gets stunted from the time they first became addicted. This is a result of their inability to take part in normal social activities where they would learn how to interact with people in an age appropriate manner. What this means is that many addicts become adults who lack the ability to empathize with others, communicate their desires and needs in a productive manner, or create boundaries with the people in their lives to allow them to feel secure in who they are and what they are doing in their lives. By the time these people become adults they wonder why it is that they feel isolated and misunderstood.

Though the clearing of the addiction needs to happen for the individual to move onto a healthier life, the social interactions also needs to be taken into consideration for these clients to have a quality of life that works better for them.

If you know of an addict who needs help in releasing themselves from their addiction please realize that until they are able to interact at their age level, they are still going to feel at a loss. Hypnotism and NLP interventions are very useful in helping these people to learn the skills they need to turn their lives from one of an addict to a person who can have a normal social life.

If you hire a hypnotist to do this work do make certain that they have experience dealing with this serious situation.

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004: 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence?

Episode 4

10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence?

In this episode Suzanne will answer the question of what is self-confidence. She will then will describe 10 ways that you can increase your self-confidence.

 

003: Why do I always attract mates who are bad for me?

Episode #3

Why do I always attract mates who are bad for me?

The most important thing that one can know about building a healthy primary relationship is to realize that the person that is called in is there to help you grow. Usually that person will be a conduit to helping you to see aspects of your personality that could use a bit of improvement. With this in mind, some areas of discomfort and irritation are going to be a natural part of any deep relationship. However, there is a difference between helping each other to grow and creating emotional and physical harm inside a relationship.

 

002: Why Don’t I know How to Relax?

Episode #2

Why Don’t I know How to Relax?

Many years ago I found myself running around constantly busy doing things thinking that this would get me ahead. Why? Because we live in a society here in the United States that tells us that to be successful we have to be constantly focused on where we are going. In so doing we are constantly in motion never taking any time to relax. There are a few problems with this sort of mind set. First that we are ever going to get to a place where we feel successful enough to relax as the bar is ever heightened. Second this idea that we don’t need to relax.

 Being under stress because of your job responsibilities or responsibilities to your family will also take away one’s ability to relax. Other common causes of stress are:

Having long hours on the job, doing work that you dislike, having a hostile work environment, having a long commute especially with lots of traffic, being in a rocky relationship, caring for an ill loved one, financial difficulties, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, lack of assertiveness when necessary. There are also positive events that can create stress like: getting married, purchasing a new house, getting a promotion, or having a child.

 The problem with having all this stress in our lives is that it can reek havoc in our lives by unbalancing our hormones, putting undo stress on our heart, and over many years causing the break down of your bodies in various ways.

 Obvious indicators of stress are constant worrying, irritability, feelings of overwhelm, nervous habits like pacing and biting one’s nails, abusing substances, poor judgment, seeing only the negative in situations, racing thoughts, and lack of sleep.

 

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