Apr 28 2014

Volume 98, March 2011 – Friendship: What Is It?

Since I have been in practice it has amazed me how many of my clients consider people to be their friends who have done destructive things to them. Many times this is because they are allowing these people to over run their boundaries. It is with this in mind that I am dedicating this newsletter.

I would like you to ask yourself if you have any one who you consider to be a friend, yet when you are with them, you start feeling poorly about yourself. Perhaps there is a friend that you are always supportive of, yet they are never there for you when you really need them. Maybe there is someone who is always complaining to you about everything that is going wrong with their lives and never has a positive word to say about anyone or anything. Maybe there is someone who is in your life that does not share your values and makes you feel that there is something wrong with you for caring about the things that you do. Think about this because the quality of your life depends on it.

Think about it in this way: Does this person that you are thinking of make you feel good about yourself, or does it seem that you are always left feeling angry, frustrated, unsupported or ignored by this person? Because if you are having negative feelings come up when you are with them it may be that you are allowing them to overrun your boundaries. If this is so then there are a few things that you need to do to stop this from happening.

First, you need to figure out what it is about your friend’s behavior that is making you feel poorly about yourself. Next, you need to have a chat with them in person if you can, to let them know specifically what they are doing to make you feel this way. Tell them in a manner that is helpful to them. For example if they are always over talking you and will not let you get a word in, just tell them that they probably are unaware of this behavior of theirs and that when they talk over you, it makes you feel as if you are not important to them and this hurts you because it feels as if they do not care about you. Next explain to them that are bringing this up because you care very much about the friendship, and would appreciate it if they could just be aware of this issue and work with you on it. You will be amazed at how things can change for the better when this is done.

Now you do need to understand that sometimes people are unable to change their unwanted behaviors. In this case you are either going to have to accept the person for who they are, or break off the friendship.

I have a very close friend of mine who was friends with a woman from the time they were ten years old. They are both in their early forties now. My friend realized that every time she was with this other woman she was always feeling upset afterward. There were different things that would occur when they were together to create this angst in my friend. Sometimes the other woman would just get upset for some unknown reason and take it out on my friend. Sometimes this other woman would treat her husband terribly in front of my friend, which made her feel sad for her friend’s husband. It got to the point where she realized there was never a time when the two of them would get together when she could feel confident that they would be able to have a good time without any negative behavior on the part of her friend. She decided in this case to take a break from the friendship so she could enjoy other healthier relationships. Her friend did not have an easy time with this decision, however it was what was in the best interest of my friend.

I have client who came in to see me a while back who when asked about her friends noted that she did not have even one who she really liked. She would hang out with these people because she did not have anyone else. She was very lonely as a result because there was no real bond between her and the others. Many times when this happens it is because people are shut down emotionally and will not allow others into their lives. In other words, if you are unwilling to be transparent with the people in your life, they will only be able to form a superficial relationship with you. To deal with this client’s issue, I had to help her to get more in touch with her own emotions, breaking down the defensive walls she set up to keep people away so no one could hurt her as they did in her past. Once this was done, she was better able to relate to others and form much closer and more supportive relationships with a few people who were already in her life.

Now there is another point of view that needs to be taken into account here which is your responsibility to your friends. Many of my clients have a hard time allowing others to be human. In other words they do not allow the people in their lives to make mistakes  which end up in hurting them. People are not perfect, including yourself. To be fair you need to be accountable to those who are in your life for you are not perfect either. You do this by being honest when things go wrong not only when your friend does something that leaves you feeling upset, more importantly, you need to be aware of those things that you may do that do not feel all that great to your friends. Also, be aware that you are most likely totally unaware of those things that you do to create these problems in your relationship.

I have a couple of examples of this from my life.

I have a person in my life that I wanted to help me do some major research in my business. She is a scientist by profession and understands quantitative analysis better than I could ever hope to. The issue here was that she felt that what I wanted her to help me with was way over her head feeling uncomfortable with my request. It took me quite awhile to understand how over her head this was because all I could see was the ways in which we could further the work of Dawning Visions Hypnosis together with this research to back up what we do. After a few months of her insisting that she could not do what I wanted her to do, I relented and apologized for putting her into a situation that was not appropriate for her.

I have another friend who I wanted to do some work with a friend of mine given that I was too close to that friend to do what was needed. What I found out was that she did not have the capacity to do this work because though she is gifted in certain areas, she did not have the basic knowledge to do what was required in this case creating a mess for all involved. I had to apologize to both of them for putting them into a very bad situation. My friend who was unable to do the work appropriately also was a big enough person to call my friend and apologize for not being able to do what was necessary to help her out.

Sometimes our best intentions to do good backfire on us, and when that happens we need to take a step back to understand what was really happening here. Once we do that it is easier to see our part in the problem and take responsibility for it. Because the truth of the matter is that we all have a part in whatever dynamic is going on in our relationships. If someone is doing something that bothers or hurts you, you are allowing it to be until you take responsibility for your feelings, sharing what you need with the other person involved. If you hurt someone no matter your great intentions, you need to make amends for it. When this communication occurs, you will notice that the friendships you have will become deeper. This will result in your feeling supported by your friends who will be now be there for you when you needed them. This is because you did your part in the friendship by taking responsibility for your part.

Do understand that one needs to be aware of toxic relationships too. If there is a person in your life be it a friend or a relative you will need to assess if you want them in your life and if so how much. Again, it is not about what the other would like, it is about what helps you have the best quality of life you can. Friends who are true friends are there when you need them as best they can, as you are there when they need you. Being open and honest in your communication is the only way to build that true support network that we all need in our lives, being humans.

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Apr 28 2014

040:Fearlessness = Loving Yourself: This According to Wayne Dyer

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The human animal can only exist in one of two states. Either neurotic fear or loving fearlessness. Discover how to exist in the better option.

Apr 24 2014

Transformation of Self Through Work

Transcendental AwesumitudeTransformation of Self Through Work – Vol. 254, April 24, 2014 

 

For many people work represents boredom, hatred, ill will. This is a sad truth for over 75% of Americans who can’t stand their jobs. Many entered their jobs because someone close to them told them that the way to make money was to study some subject that had no connection to who they are, what they cared about or even in some cases what they did well.

Over the years many people have told me that I was crazy to quit so many jobs. Any job I didn’t quit, I was fired from. My ex-husband was seen as an understanding man doing the jobs that he employed in for decades at a time, choosing to stick with something he knew versus something he didn’t. People respected him for that, where he respected me for taking the risks to try as many things as I could to find my deeper calling, never ever giving up.

For me, being stuck in positions where I was treated like a nobody or worse with disdain because I failed to conform to the expectations of the workplace could never work. I have tried multiple careers over the years and many more jobs until I decided to finally listen to myself. I had to get to a point where I was so frustrated with the work world that I needed to create something that would work for me. I realized that my own autonomy was the most important aspect of any job, never having had any in my previous jobs. I also realized that I needed to learn and be challenged with creative problem solving, though it took decades to realize how this was to be applied.

I have found through this very long journey into the career that I finally found that it is hard to stick to it. It is hard to be self-employed and never know what the income will be, and it is hard to know I sometimes have problems making the bills. But, there is something else that I know even better and that is that to take a job for the sake of a paycheck isn’t something that I could ever go back to. It is something that my loving family and friends continue to tell me to do for survival and yet, going through those job boards looking at job possibilities from my past wakes up all the resistance inside me telling me that as one of my more understanding friends said, “To take a job will suck the soul out of you.” This friend understands the importance to me of the work that I do helping all sorts of people let go of their traumas, their feeling of being dead inside, walking robots for taking jobs that many times had nothing to do with their own inherent interests – just a pay check for that all elusive thing we call ‘security.”

Robert Greene did a wonderful TED talk on this idea of transforming one’s self and his big take away is to get in touch with that part of you that you knew when you were young that was drawn to certain subjects and interests. To learn what you can about these things allowing for incremental changes to occur inside you. These small changes that go unseen allow you to be ready when you meet that certain person or get that certain opportunity to at long last allow you to transform your life to doing what you deem purposeful, interesting and fun. In this way you can through your work connect to who you are instead of running away. In this way you can be a contributor to society in creative and interesting ways.

I am at another crossroads in my own career development. I believe I have learned what I have needed to learn from the trainers of hypnotic craft. I have been to so many business coaching seminars in so many marketing systems, it seems that perhaps a revisit of the idea of furthering my formal education may be the way to go. I am not certain that this is the means to the end, though I can tell you that the thought of it is as tantalizing as it is scary. I realize the need to get credentials for what I do, yet as with everything the sort of credentials I am looking to gain are not the ones one would normally associate with the form of work that I do. Where will the journey next take me? I am uncertain, but what I do know is that there is an internal desire to connect with some areas of interests that are connected with the work I do in a manner that I have yet to investigate that to me is both alluring and transformative.

So how can you transform your own life by being true to who you are and what you most care about? What are you willing to do to allow yourself to be fulfilled and happy in your work? To be the contribution that you can be engaging in your life from the point of view that you are someone who is special and has something to offer the world that no one else does? That is only if you allow yourself the opportunity to do so.

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Apr 21 2014

Bullying: Charlie Sheen and Lady Gaga – Two Sides of the Issue -Vol. 106, July 7, 2011

In a previous newsletter we spoke of Charlie Sheen losing everything as a result of his erratic behavior. However, we did not report that in People Magazine, of March 2, 2011, that his ex, Brooke Mueller had won a restraining order in the Los Angeles Superior Court alleging that she had been a victim of his physical and verbal abuse. She was in great fear of his attacking her and fearful of the children’s safety while they were in Sheen’s care.

Lady Gaga emotionally spoke during her latest tour of the bullying that she suffered as a teen with buck teeth. She told of how her head was forced into a toilet and the emotional damage that she still feels as a result of that incident. She is fighting bullying by donating the money she earns from the country version of her song “Born This Way” to the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), which helps teens deal with bullying at school.

How big a problem is this? It is a very large problem based on the Bureau of Justice statistics. 87% of shootings are retaliation against the person who hurt the victim of bullying. 54% of bullying happened as a result of witnessing bullying at home.

Sixth through tenth graders have been bullies, victims or both. Of the 77% that were bullied 14% said they were harmed by it. Annually 282,000 students are physically abused in school with 43% fearful of being bullied in the bathroom. Each day fear of being bullied will keep 160,000 students home. The most scary statistic is that 100,000 students carry a gun to school.

The suicide of Phoebe Prince here in Massachusetts occurred after months of being bullied with a total of nine teens being arrested in that case for physical harm including raping her.

One needs to also think about the area of cyber bullying too. According to Elisabeth Englander, a psychologist who specializes in this field, kids need to learn how to interact through digital media, because one does not receive the immediate communication of the injury as a result of one’s action through the internet. In other words the students cannot see the faces of hurt that they are creating, so they are unaware of how these senseless statements against someone who they may think of as a friend may hurt. The statistics on cyber bullying are very close to those of in person bullying.

Charlie Sheen’s twins could very well become the bullies of tomorrow given the alleged behavior of their father. Those who are bullied many times will become the bully and worse, killers for the inability to deal with the pain that they have suffered.

What can we do about this situation? Suspending a child from school is not going to take care of the cause of the problem. One needs to treat the emotional issues that are underlying the actions that are being taken. I would say that in most cases we are dealing with very angry kids who need to have their anger released. Until done there is not going to be a change in their behavior. Likewise for those who have been bullied their hurt feelings along with the events of bullying need to be dealt with or these feelings will persist for the rest of their lives as we see in the case of Lady Gaga who is still feeling the pain of the abuse that happened to her all those years ago.

With teens being in a natural state of trance, hypnosis becomes an efficient manner of treatment, without the need for any drugs or long-term therapy. I have worked with several kids that were able to release their anger and feelings of hurt in similar cases in a matter of two sessions, able to easily move on with their lives being the happy and productive kids that they would normally be. Of course if there are family issues that are concerned the treatment would be a bit more lengthy, yet, it still can be accomplished freeing these kids from the harmful emotions that were previously stuck inside them.

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Apr 21 2014

039:What to do when you believe your best work is behind you

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Do you fear that you peaked too early? Here’s some good advice for you.

Apr 17 2014

How Spirituality Works In My Healing Work

spirituality

spirituality (Photo credit: Loulair Harton)

 

How Spirituality Works In My Healing Work -Vol. 253, April 17, 2014

 

What is the difference between psychosis and a spiritual belief in entities?

In the past few years I have had several clients come to me who have non-conventional spiritual belief systems. I have had a few who see what they call “ghosts” including one who is a ghost buster. I have had a few who have felt entities harming their lives. I have even had some clients who practice indigenous religious practices both here and in Africa who needed a much different orientation to the work that we did together to help them heal.

One of the scary things that these particular clients deal with is the feeling that if they were to speak of these energies or entities to a conventional therapist, that therapist would likely think that they were psychotic and would want to have them committed to a mental ward.

So, what is the difference between psychosis and the spiritual which can include the belief in demons, entities and ghosts? I would have to say that it depends on the ability of the person to function in life. I am always thinking of the biblical stories of Moses speaking to the burning bush, or the many stories of Jesus doing the impossible like walking on water. One person’s unreality becomes another person’s reality. When we think of extra sensory phenomena we need to realize that these abilities have always been with us. It is really a matter of more modern people being told, usually while very young that they need to stop talking about these things because of others not being able to understand or worse judge them as insane.

Luckily I was trained by esoterically inclined hypnotist/NLP practitioners. Over the years I went from thinking they were insane, to welcoming the unseen into my world. I realize that as the Kabbalist state, we only know about 1% of the world if we believe that merely the material is all that exist. However, the 99% of the world is outside the material and in the etherial world. Carl Jung wrote of the “collective unconscious” this being the connection to all that is and all that will be – which is a way of speaking to the spiritual connections we all have in us. It is the same as when Jesus speaks of God as being in you as it was in him, or the statement “as above, as below”, or when we hear that the Buddha is inside you. These are all references to the idea that we have a spiritual connection that once understood by the client, needs to be honored in any healing work that is undertaken with that client.

One of my newest clients spoke to me of these ideas and her fear of being thought to be insane even though she is very well educated professional. She has beliefs that go back to the indigenous people of the islands. She was very happy to find out that not only did I not find her to be insane, I was very interested in getting a better understanding of her beliefs finding them both interesting and worthy of learning. It helped that I had worked with others before her who laid the groundwork for allowing these possibilities of energetic forms to be among us in some fashion. I realized that just because I can’t see, hear or feel these beings doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

So in working with these clients who have a different orientation to my own, I ask them who their spiritual guide is by name and insert that into the work we do together allowing the client to call in that spiritual guide especially when we are doing more emotionally difficult work. It is necessary to work on the level of the super conscious when the unconscious is unwilling to let go of the defense mechanisms that have outlived their purpose, the situations or people involved no longer being a part of the client’s life. Including the spiritual beliefs of the client makes a huge difference to the client receiving quick and effective results while giving me a whole new perspective on what true healing means.

Having worked with psychotic people, there is a vast difference between the way they function in their world and those with spiritual beliefs that allow for demons, ghosts and energetic entities. The psychotic is unable to function in the world on any level. Those with spiritual beliefs use those beliefs to better understand the world and their place in it. It would do our world good to be more open to others perspectives, respecting and learning from them as a way to better understand one another while allowing for a much deeper healing to occur.

 

 

 

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Apr 14 2014

Book on Motivation:You Ought To Write A Book About Your Life: So I Did – Vol. 141, March, 1, 2012

I was attending the second day of my NLP (neuro-linguistic programming ) Master Practitioner training, back in summer of 2004, when a woman in her 60’s approached me. She said in an excited voice “I want what you have. Would you be willing to do the 8 hour intervention with me. I don’t trust anyone else in the room to work with me.” I of course was humbled by her asking a total stranger to work with her, especially after I found out that she had been in the NLP Practitioner training the previous week. There were a good many of the students from that previous training who were in the current training with us, and I wasn’t having taken the training the previous summer. I told her, “Sure, you are the first to approach me and I would be honored to work with you.” This of course was what she wanted to hear, however I totally meant it.  Well, it was this same woman, Sandra, who finally cleared me of the bronchial asthma that had been creating quite a difficult time for me, which the doctors couldn’t. She put me through each of the 32 interventions that we learned by the time we got to do the 8 hour intervention on each other. She meticulously put together the treatment plan that she was going to use, while consistently asking for assistance from the assistant coaches in the room who were there for just that purpose.

I am pleased to tell you that all these years later my asthma is under such good control it only creeps up when I am over tired usually from working too many hours, or feeling hurt by someone who is close to me. Just goes to prove that asthma may have a physical response, yet is most definitely set off by emotional triggers, usually stress.

It was toward the end of the training after we had completed our interventions on each other that Sandra had suggested that I write a book of my life’s experiences after having learned my entire history through the process of doing that 8 hour intervention with me. I thought it a strange thing to be suggested at the time because I was not even 43 years old yet, and figured that to have anything of any real value to give others I ought to at least be 50 years old – you know lived long enough to gain some true wisdom along my journey. Maybe perhaps having achieved something worthy of being written about.

Well, earlier this week I surprised Sandra by sending her the link for a copy of the downloadable book. A gift I gave her since I acknowledged her within it letting her know that she had a little something to do with my actually writing the thing.

I found out that she was in the hospital under going a procedure when I sent the book to her earlier in the week. She told me this in a phone call she made returning my call letting her know that there was a surprise waiting for her in her email “in box.”

It was several years later, six to be exact, that Donna Novi would make the fabulous suggestion that I write a book based on what she referred to as “Suzannisms” reminding me of all the pages of emails we exchanged over the course of the work we did together the previous year. She thought that the words of wisdom I shared with her during those unhappy and frustrating days of hers were most helpful and more importantly to her, uplifting. She went on to suggest that there were probably a hundred pages she had printed out over the course of our work together. She had high lighted the bits of wisdom that she found to be helpful to find them easily in the mass of papers she had collected. She went on to say that she thought that others would find these ideas helpful as well and to go ahead and write a book based on them. It was a perfect answer to the question of how to go about writing a book about my life. Yes, I have indeed had an interesting life never developing speech normally, needing tons of extra help to make it through my formative years of schooling. There were many health issues that I had to contend with both emotional and physical in nature, along with manifesting dreams of traveling to places across the globe that somehow even without the financial means I managed to make happen. Most of all though, Sandra and Donna felt that I had something worth sharing with the greater world each with their own idea about what that may look like.

Well, Sandra was of course touched by my remembering her influence all these years later by including her in the acknowledgements of the book though she hasn’t had a chance to read the book yet. Donna absolutely loves the book, as well she should given that it was indeed dedicated to her for having such a brilliant concept – so much better than the hypnosis book that I couldn’t even figure out appropriate chapters for at the time I was trying to write one.

Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul (subtitle created by Donna of course) is my contribution to the collection of books out there that were created to inspire and motivate at the same time. It is really a book of essays varying from half a page to several pages in length which can be read either in order or based on the titles that you feel moved to read. At the end of each essay I share the learning I received from the wisdom I gleaned. At the end of some of them you are given some questions to help you, the reader, assess your own life’s circumstances helping you to make better choices for yourself.

Do understand that metaphor, which is all a story is, is indeed the best way to learn given that stories well written, could be what one could call “mesmerizing”. So named for Franz Anton Mesmer, a medical doctor and hypnotist from the 1700’s who was well known for his healing through what is now known as hypnotism. Being a hypnotist myself, I would of course use whatever techniques work the best in the most subtle of ways, as your emotions are heightened by my sharing my life’s journey with you.

By the way, do be apprised that if your emotions are heightened you are in a hypnotic state where suggestions for good or ill easily by pass your critical factor of your conscious mind – the very definition of hypnosis. So be aware of that which you allow into your life, working to allow only the most constructive of information to enter your mind and shut out the rest. It is the power that you have by choosing what you listen to on the radio, TV and computer as well as who you choose to surround yourself with. Choose wisely.

So I invite you to go over to the Dawning Visions Hypnosis website store http://dawningvisions.com/store/ where you can easily get your own copy of Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul. It is priced at a reasonable $8.97, affordable for anyone. You can also get it from amazon.com for the Kindle.

At dawningvisions.com/store/ You will also find a collection of books there written by others about the world of hypnosis and NLP easily understandable by the lay person, as well as many MP3s that I recorded using the same techniques that I use in person with my clients. This will give you an affordable way to see just what you are able to do with that magnificent mind of yours, that you can purchase for download, or suggest for a friend or relative that may be going through a stressful time with one of the many issues that are covered in the various MP3s.

Do come by the store frequently over the next few weeks because there will be other books added, a few written by me in addition a larger library of MP3s that will be recorded, some for very young children to help them with their various fears.

Creating these products for you continues to be a great joy, educating you about the fabulous results you can have just by having a better understanding of how your mind really works along with giving you the tools and techniques to access the innate power that nature endowed you with to use to create the life of your dreams.

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