This was an interesting question that a person on Quora asked and here is how I answered it:

This is a great question.

Every person is going to have their own individual values and biases based on how they were raised and any negative events that may have negatively affected them through life.

It is imperative that anyone who is working with others realize that it is never okay to foist one’s own values and beliefs onto a patient or client. The goal is to work within the patient’s or client’s value system respecting it for what it is.

The problem is that many people cannot discern themselves and their values and beliefs from others therefore falsely believing they have ‘the answer’ to living a great life, evangelizing their own values and beliefs.

The other issue that is brought up in this question is that of therapists with their own biases. Again, the work is based on the client and has very little to do with the personal ideals of a therapist. The therapist’s role is to focus on the patient’s best interest and that interest always has to do with helping the patient to heal. This is the only reason for a patient to be seeing a therapist, so it is mandatory for the therapist to keep personal biases out of the session work.

Again, many therapists have not done their own work of healing, therefore, carrying around a lot of false notions about what their role is. Unfortunately many do not receive the guidance needed to fulfill their roles in an ethical and helpful way in training or post-training compounding the problems you raise.

I would also add that those with licenses to protect, will force their patients to do things that may be unnecessary in the higher need of ‘covering their asses’ in the cases where they are concerned for the patient’s wellbeing. Too many are incapable of truly hearing the answers to their own questions looking for reasons to have a psych evaluation, or continuing a patient on drugs that are not only not helping the patient function, but are causing mental, emotional, or physical problems because the therapist is fearful of what may happen if the patient is taken off the drugs. This is why so many mental health patients complain about being forced to figure out for themselves how to get off these mind-altering and all to often physically toxic drugs.

These are real issues that I have had to help my own clients contend with over the decades that I have been in mental health so they are real and need to be respected for what they are. It is impossible for another person to understand what the patient is experiencing themselves – the only thing they can do is listen carefully and change the course of treatment if that is being requested due to unnecessary duress on the part of the patient – but many will not do this for the above reason.

Most licensed therapists will never admit that these are real problems, instead stating that the patient is incapable of knowing what is going on in their own body, which of course is a bunch of garbage, one more way that those with the stigma of mental illness are further marginalized.

So, the best course of action is to find a therapist that one feels comfortable with because that therapist is emotionally healthy, and is able to respect one’s input regarding the type of care given with the understanding that the therapy and medication need to benefit the patient regardless of what the therapists own values, beliefs, or biases may be. That means finding someone who is capable of both listening to the patient’s concerns and taking the actions needed for the comfort and capacity to live a decent life of the patient – for they are there to serve the patient, not further marginalize and demean them because they have the ‘fancy letters after their names.’

Thanks again for this question – it is one that the therapists will not be able to answer honestly because they truly believe that they do everything possible to help their patients when the facts do not bear this out – as noted by the many questions by patients asking why it is so difficult to find a therapist that can and will truly help them – right here on Quora – I receive this type of question way too often to believe otherwise.

Andie is a person on Quora who has asked me many very thoughtful and at times harsh questions about the world of therapy over the years. Here is how I answered her question: 

Hi Andie,

As you know, Andie given all the answers I have written to your questions over the last year or more you know that I am answering this question from the perspective of being a hypnotist and neuro-linguistic programmer (NLP) who spent several years working in conventional psychiatry as a counselor before moving into hypnotism and NLP.

I appreciate your effort to get an answer to why counselors use the “shame approach’. I really never have heard of it put that way, however, I can tell you that I have had many clients who had addiction issues and eating disorders complain of being treated like crap by their previous counselors. Not listening to what they had to say. Blaming them for not following a treatment plan that wasn’t working for them, blaming them for their mental health issues (symptoms of the mental health issues). I can also attest to the fact that I have witnessed these exact problems while working in mental health programs for mentally ill adults by my program directors in too many cases – so it does indeed happen. It was these incidences that brought me into hypnotism and NLP for a more humanistic manner of working with my clients without the diagnoses as we are not licensed to give them and work very diligently to remove the label by removing the symptoms that brought the label in the first place.

That being said, I would discern between those counselors who actually do blame their clients for their problems instead of listening to the perception that their client has relative to the challenge that they employed their counselor to help release.

I would have to say that I do my best to take a thorough Detailed Personal History so I understand why it is that the problems developed through the type of emotional traumas suffered, by whom, and at what ages. When one takes the time to do this (it takes me about 2.5 – 3 hours to do a Detailed Personal History) it becomes more obvious what the client has been through and how and why these dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors developed (the reasons anyone would employ someone like me to work with them).

I also want to be very clear that there are times when I am very assertive in doing ‘reality checks’ with my clients which is not so much about shaming as it is about bringing awareness as to how it is that they are creating the problems that they have. Without this understanding, it becomes impossible to truly make the changes necessary to be rid of these issues.

An example of this would be a female client age 40 who is married to one man who is a citizen of another country, currently not allowed back into the US, and was dating another man who was making her life miserable given his demeaning attitude, creating all types of distressful situations by not following through on things that he agreed to do, and worst of all being physically abusive to her.

The reality check in this situation was simply this: If you are already married, why are you in another relationship with another man? Why are you complicating your life in this manner?

We spoke about it and I gave her some homework to do journaling in a very specific manner to find out if this is a person that she still wants in her life. She figured out that she was most definitely ready to get him out of her life along with all his friends and relatives and renewed her relationship with her husband by visiting him for a month in the country that he is living in.

I don’t consider this a ‘shaming’ of my client thought she could have taken it that way. However, she was more interested in being well and getting on with her life doing what needed to be done to allow that to happen. It’s called holding a client accountable for their actions. And, it is through accountability that clients are able to fully understand why they have the confusing, distractive life that they do.

So, as mental health professionals, we need to be very clear with our clients so they can make the connections necessary to understand why they find themselves in the situations they do. And, interestingly enough, though many times my clients are not that happy to hear what I have to say in my ‘reality checks’ they do indeed appreciate finally gaining the insight into their problems that were missing previously.

As always, I thank you for your question on behalf of those who will be reading it once posted.

This was a question from a person on Quora. It is a very important question because it raises the question of misdiagnosis and the ramifications of that on the patient. Here is how I answered the question by explaining the differences between the two diagnoses. 

There are some very clear differences between the two diagnoses so let us take a gander and see what is really going on with you as mental health pros misdiagnose all the time.

Bipolar: One is going to have much longer periods between the moods they experience. A rapid cycle is considered 3 weeks – though many go months before going from one extreme to the other.

Borderline Personality Disorder: the moods are labile meaning that in a split second when triggered a person can go from happy to throwing things and cursing.

Both illnesses have a lot of anger involved – however, the BPD person will be enraged when they don’t get their way. It is a personality disorder which means the person though as intelligent as anyone is acting at the emotional age of a very young person – it is always about the ‘id’ wanting what it wants NOW and when it doesn’t get it, has a tantrum such as a 2-year-old would.

Both are master manipulators of themselves and others but go about it differently

Bipolar people will manipulate to get what they want usually by creating their fantastical ideas in business exaggerating what they can do and what they have to work with.

BPDs will manipulate to get the hole in their soul-filled usually through buying things they do not need, always asking for favors from others, and usually glomming on to one particular person more than anyone else – when that person does or says something that the BPD person finds hurtful, the BPD will drop them in a second and talk shit about them to the next person they glom onto. This is called ‘splitting’ between two people and is something that only BPDs do.

BPDs will self-harm – usually superficially while in a very depressed state.

Bipolars – 85% will self-medicate themselves with drugs – so while up they will take depressives, while down they will take amphetamines.

BPDs have a great fear of abandonment – they will do anything to stop others from abandoning even to the degree that they will abandon others before others have the chance to abandon them.

Bipolars do not have a fear of abandonment.

There are more differences between the 2 diagnoses, however, this gives you enough to better understand where you fall. DO NOTE THAT A PERSON CAN INDEED HAVE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME as we found out was true with my mother from the psychiatric staff at the nursing home where she lived the last 7 years of her life.

If you think you have BPD the best thing that you can do is to learn how to stop the impulses you have to be overly emotional, and instead use logic to make your decisions. It is also very helpful to just be more mindful of how you are coming across to others. It isn’t an easy thing to do at all, but it can be done if one wishes to stop pushing people away with what would be considered infantile behavior.

If you have Bipolar the best thing you can do is deal with feelings of unworthiness by figuring out what your best attributes are and owning them, dealing with your anger and your issues of sadness. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 back in 1990 and was lucky enough to turn it around so that it is no longer a part of my life on any level back in 2004. Unfortunately, those with personality disorders are unable to truly overcome them, however, if you do those things that I suggested above and maybe get some Dialectical Behavior Training by a person who specializes in working with BPDs, you will be able to gain much control over the almost instantaneous shifts in mood and learn how to reduce the impulses to act out to get your way if you are indeed a BPD.

Thank you for asking this question because these 2 diagnoses are mixed up all the time as are those with schizophrenia and bipolar with psychotic features and many other types of diagnoses because the Diagnostic Statistical Manual has so many symptoms that overlap from one diagnosis to the next, especially in the 5th revision which basically notes that every normal human emotion receives its own diagnosis so the pharmaceutical companies can make even more money on their poison – NOTE: the only people that I believe ought to be placed on psychotropic medications are those who have psychotic features and at the most minimal dose to minimize their hallucinations. I have come to this conclusion after 30 years in the business both in conventional psychiatry and in complementary mental health in the form of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming (for 20 years now so plenty of time to have lots of case histories to prove the point that the mind is the best asset anyone has to make transformational change. However, I am unable to help those with psychotic features or those with personality disorders. Though I am able to help those with anxiety, major depression, bipolar, OCD, eating disorders, and sex addictions as I have been successfully doing this since 2002.

Do you try to diagnose your medical conditions where doctors are licensed to do this and still get it wrong because of all the overlapping symptoms in various illnesses?

I really don’t know why:

1. Folks want to diagnose themselves with mental illness – something that has a great stigma around it which is why few people actually get the help they require – especially men!
2. Why it is now seen as an asset to have these problems that cause so much distress for the people who have them.
3. Why it is that people are always going on social media asking about these things instead of going to a licensed professional if they are so hell-bent on being given some diagnosis.

Back in the very late 1980s when I was first diagnosed with depression first since my symptoms showed up in that manner – and then got rediagnosed with manic depression (before the bipolar term was used) when the antidepressants I was placed on cycled me into hypomania – (below mania) there were many people who looked down on me. – infantilized me, never thought I could ever overcome these problems…and yet I did 14 years after diagnosis with NLP – (neuro-linguistic programming) off the meds with my psychiatrist’s help – she followed me for 10 months, and then I terminated no longer wanting to be a hypocrite because I was telling my clients they didn’t need the old conventional way of dealing with mental illness – take a drug, try really hard to do cognitive behavioral therapy – etc. Instead, let the area of the mind that houses those internal representations (the subconscious UNconscious mind) tell us what the cause of the problem is, and why you are still holding. onto it, and helping you get your compelling future so there is much more allure to healing as quickly as possible so you can live your best life.

Many years ago I was over-medicated with lithium for what was then known as manic depression, back in 1990- 2004. This was true even though I always had the necessary blood tests done and they showed my blood levels to be perfect for treatment. However, after over a decade on lithium, my body could no longer detoxify it causing my kidneys to start to slow down. Luckily my long-time psychiatrist was truly professional and had me have the urine test needed to find out what was truly happening to my kidneys and took me off it immediately. My kidneys went back to normal function since we caught it early enough.

It was soon after in 2004 that I attended a personal development training put on by my NLP trainers where I was able to let go of the manic depression right there. I just needed to know the 3 negative emotions that needed to be cleared and in what order using Tad James’s Time Line Therapy ® process — something he couldn’t teach in the training because it was beyond the scope of care of the majority of the trainees.

Now, to be honest, I was actually looking for a humanistic, holistic, and totally healing method to help my mentally ill clients at the time terrifically upset by the manner in which the directors of the supportive housing programs that I was working during the early 1990s were dehumanizing our clients.

If you or somebody you know is going through a particularly difficult time these days, do reach out to receive the help that you deserve so you can put these negative feelings (and perhaps behaviors) in the past where they belong.

I have 17 years of experience helping those with eating disorders (anorexia so long as the weight is normal for the height as I don’t have medical facilities to work with those who are underweight) and bulimics. It takes about 6–7 months for my clients to release these issues completely — (if they are young adults) who are the best for doing this work.

I have 17 years of successfully releasing sex addiction as well. These are adults who have both consented to the sexual interaction leaving the sex addict feeling empty at the end of the sex. Because it is a stigmatized issue there is also a lot of shame involved in their leading a double life as well.

I have also helped those with depression let go of that but that takes a lot more work to do in most cases.

And, anxiety is usually quite simple and can be done in 3–4 longer sessions usually done on consecutive days to have the best and quickest results. You can read plenty of testimonials on my website at dawningvisions.com to see for yourself how well this work works for those who are ready to let go of their problems. If you are interested in having a consultation call to see if you are a good fit, just email me at suzanne@dawingvisions.com and write in the subject line so I don’t miss your email in the hundreds I get every day “Interested in learning more about your service (name of the specific problem). In the body of the email tell me a bit about what has been going on with you, for how long, and what you have done about it up till now if anything.

I look forward to seeing what we can do to help you or someone you love, release these negative problems from your or their lives for good!