071:What Does Success Mean, Really

What is real success?

Learnings From Conversations I Have Had With Brave People

The Art of Conversation #2 Learnings From Conversations I Have Had With Brave People -Vol. 287, November 27, 2014

I have been podcasting about my cross country move of late on my podcast Claim Your Excellent Life and all the interesting things that I have been learning about myself because of that move.

Today I am going to share with you some of the amazing learnings that I have received from others who made the decision to get up and make a move in life, not always geographic in nature.

I went to an event this Saturday where I had lunch with a social worker who has spent the last fifteen years working with elders. She had just accepted a position in a hospital emergency room where she was going to be working in a high paced place of crisis including drug overdose cases. When she learned of my work with drug addicts, she asked many interesting questions. What I found so refreshing was that she was curious to do this new work and was happy to get some insights that could help her in working with the overdose patients, while never worried about working in such a different environment. She was happy about her change even at this late stage of her career.

I spent a week in an Airbnb with a single mom and her two kids. The older one, twenty-two years old, came in and out as his tennis teaching schedule dictated, his mother living close to one of the clubs he taught at. The other was ten years old and was spending that week with his mother. The interesting thing about my host was the fact that she had been laid off from a decent paying job a couple of years back. She was still living in the house her sons knew as “home” having come up with this interesting way to help to keep them there. The positive part of living in a beautiful area was the attraction of travelers from all over the world whom her sons got to interact. The host had a part-time job in the mornings while supplementing her income with her Airbnb guests. She is such a likable person, that her one of her guest was helping her with cleaning and organizing her garage during the time I was there.

One of the most important things about my move was locating a place to live that I loved. The price of housing being what it is especially in the area that I found, it was mandatory to find a roommate situation. I knew the sort of person that I wanted for a roommate having had a few in the intervening months that really had little in common with me while making things uncomfortable all around. Well, I found the perfect roommate in the perfect place for me to start my new life in California. She is an amazing woman as she told me a bit of her story yesterday. Like many people that I have met throughout my life, she found herself in a marriage that wasn’t working for her at all. She had two daughters at the time – 6 and 8 years old. The manner in which the marriage ended left her with nothing to help her to care for her daughters or herself. So, she did what she had to and had two jobs, working hard to make her kids lives as stable as possible without their father being there – he had moved on. What I found refreshing was that she didn’t go about feeling sorry for herself, realizing she didn’t have time for that at all because her kids needed her to be strong for them. What she did was think strategically in how she could best move forward to afford those things that she knew were important for her children to feel safe and supported. Her older daughter lives in the apartment below us and I can attest to the fact that she is a warm hearted and helpful person who can’t do enough to help he mom out, even as she raises three young kids of her own now.

Because of many years of medication destroying my nails, I like to get my nails done. I did this in a place owned by a Korean woman whose sister was the person who did an expert job doing my nails. She came over to this country to work with her sister putting in 12 hours days six days a week. This, because there is no opportunity in Korea. She said that the things that we have available to us here in the United States are unheard of back home where it is a struggle to earn a living. She doesn’t enjoy doing nails though she has spent the last ten years doing them. What she really wants to do is go back to school to become a fashion designer. She is saving all her money to do just that.

I share these stories with you because there are so many people who will make excuses why they have to stay in lives that don’t work for them. They will blame other people, they will say they can’t leave their job because of the benefits involved,or in some fashion say they have too much to give up.

If there is one thing that I have learned on my journey through life, it is that one needs to understand when it is time to move on. If you are spending much of your time resentful about some aspect of your circumstances, it is up to you to take a stand for yourself and make the necessary changes because as Carolyn Myss made clear during her presentation Saturday, believe it or not, your endless complaints about your life are boring your friends and making you more miserable. If things don’t work out, its time to make another decision to make things better. Who knows, maybe you will be most pleasantly surprised for the new choices you are making for yourself.

070:Teaching Children Their Dreams Matter

Remember the feeling when you achieved a long cherished dream? Our dreams are so important for our psychological health and even more so for our kids. Learn how to nurture them.

Could Food Addiction be Caused by PTSD?

If Wishing could Make it soCould Food Addiction be Caused by PTSD? – Vol. 286, November 20, 2014 

A new study published in the Journal, Jama Psychiatry, September 17, 2014, reports that 49,000 female nurses between the age of 25 and 42 were included in research on the link between food addiction and PTSD. Signs of food addiction were seen in 18% of the 10% who showed 6 to 7 of the symptoms of PTSD. To give you an idea of how large a number that is, that would be triple the number of women who did not have PTSD.

Food addiction is thought to exist when one frequently eats when they are not hungry, feeling sluggish or fatigued from overeating and experiencing physical withdrawal when cutting back on certain foods. Do note that not all health professionals agree that food addiction exist.

This study demonstrated that women who showed the most symptoms of PTSD were likely to turn to eating as a method of coping with that trauma. Unfortunately, eating is never a way to heal the inner pain from trauma. Because of this fact, the eating continues as the woman is trying to fill that “hole in her sole”.

I have had many clients who have had issues of overeating. In the majority of cases,  my clients have realized that it wasn’t the fact that they were unable to keep to a diet that brought them in. It was the realization that their eating was coming from a place of self-soothing they developed as a direct result of some form of abuse they suffered, sometimes repeatedly.

From the hypnotic perspective the longer a person continues with the same programming, the more difficult it can become to alter it. With all the yo-you dieting that people do, it is now understood why that may be so. The client really needs to have a very strong desire to let go of the hurts experienced and then do the requisite work to lose the extra weight. That means eating healthier foods while increasing their activity level. Until one deals with the cause of the eating – be it self-soothing, or for protection to keep unwanted attention away, or some other reason, this person will be prone to overeating.

For those who have suffered traumatic events, the first thing that needs to be addressed is to take the emotional charge off those traumatic events and do the requisite healing. Once that is accomplished along with the life style changes, the weight will come off and stay off.

069:The Sacred Meaning of Friendship

Do you have friends who feel more like parasites then real friends? Find out what the criteria are for true friendship

Choices and Illusions: What Does Author Eldon Taylor, Ph.D. Mean By this?

Cover of "Choices and Illusions: How Did ...

Cover via Amazon

Choices and Illusions: What Does Author Eldon Taylor, Ph.D. Mean By this? – Vol. 285, November 13, 2014 

I was asked by Eldon Taylor to be a stop on his blog tour for the soft cover release of his book Choices and Illusions. I was happy to help out because he has a very important message for you regarding the manner in which your mind is shaped by your environment. Here is an interview with Eldon Taylor which I know you will find quite interesting.

Q: You came from a fascinating background. How did you get inspired to write your books?

ET: As a practicing criminalist, nearly every day I saw someone, who had a world of potential, blow it over some silly stupid notion.  Perhaps they stole from their employer and rationalized it away since in their minds the employer was a bum who treated and paid them unfairly.  The fact is, every perpetrator of a criminal act can tell you why they did it, and when you stand back, their answers are justifications more than reasons.

It became clear to me that many people were making choices that were simply self-sabotaging.  Not just those who committed crimes, but the average person on the street.  At a certain point in my career, I became acutely aware of just how persistent this characteristic was with so many folks and the question became, “Why?”  Answering that question changed my life, as well as my vocation, and led to the research and books that I publish today.

Q: What are the basic principles in your life and how did your life lead you to these principles?

ET:  I try to live my life from what I think of as the four-corner philosophy.  These corners consist of forgiveness, self-responsibility, gratitude, and service.  Let me unpack that some. 

Back in the early ‘80’s we conducted a double blind study at the Utah State Prison.  The technology used was a cognitive engineering tool that used a shadowing method to deliver what most think of as a subliminal message.  The technology is known as InnerTalk today. The goal of the study was aimed at lowering hostility and aggression, and perhaps interrupting the recidivist rate.  We used some elaborate psychometrics to determine our intervention affirmations, but in the end, it was the dialogue with our inmate volunteers that led the way. 

The inmates generally displaced responsibility for their actions via blame.  There were all sorts of people and events to blame, but the bottom line argument came down to something like, “All but for the grace of God, you’d be here.”

As such, we created a set of affirmations to prime the inmates self-talk and thereby change the way they talked to themselves, consequently changing their expectation.  The affirmations included three forgiveness messages, something I have referred to as the forgiveness set ever since.  Those affirmations are: I forgive myself.  I forgive all others.  I am forgiven.  We also included messages regarding self-responsibility and general well-being.  The results of the study were very positive and that led to the prison system installing voluntary libraries throughout, from the Youth Offenders facility to Maximum Security. 

I took a cue from this study, for I saw that I too blamed many people in my life for many things.  My life changed as a result of practicing what I preached.  Indeed, for a few years I lectured about the power of forgiveness and our InnerTalk Forgiving and Letting Go program was our best seller.  We found as our research continued that forgiveness was a key for all walks of life.  It was just as powerful for the business executive, the athlete, the truck driver, the live in mom, and so forth.

Then one day it dawned on me, if forgiveness is really the starting point for self-actualization, then the program should be free.  So about twenty years ago we began offering the program for free and it remains free to this day.  Your readers can download it from InnerTalk.com.

As for service and gratitude, that would take longer than we have here, if I am to answer your other questions, but this short video on luck may prime the pump.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CedR7Hpw0e0

Q: In your book, Choices and Illusions, you say that our choices are not our own.  What do you mean by that?

ET: Research clearly shows that there is activity in the subconscious before a conscious thought occurs. In other words, our so-called conscious thoughts are given to us by our subconscious. My work has shown that it is this subconscious information that dictates the kind of life we will experience, and understanding that helps us clarify why the prison intervention I discussed earlier was so powerful.  Change truly must happen from the inside out.  We must choose to take control of everything we put in to our minds.

Q:  How does this information get into our subconscious?

ET:  Most of it comes from our environment – our friends, family, peers etc. Unfortunately negative information, such as “you won’t amount to anything” has a much greater sticking power than positive information, and scientists estimate that 90% of the incoming information is negative. Additionally, we have actually been trained in many ways not to think.  In fact, in a very real sense, we have all been raised in our own little chicken yards.  I think a story is worth much more than data, so to this end I have posted a YouTube video that is the prefect illustration of how this entire process works.  The story is called The Chicken and the Eagle and can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHAfVl-t1Hg

Q:  What do you mean, “we have been trained not to think?”

ET:  We are taught things in limited ways. Logic and linguistics make assertions about many things that are simply false to fact. For example, logic asserts that a gallon is equal to a gallon. This is simply not true from many perspectives, including the most obvious. A gallon of water added to a gallon of alcohol does not equal two gallons of combined fluid. Ergo, 1 + 1 = 2 is not necessarily so in the “real” world, for no two things are alike in every way.

Q: I know you tell us what we can do about this limited thinking in your book, Choices and Illusions, but can you give us an example right now?

ET:  We need to realize that most of our lives we have been choosing as though we were taking a multiple-choices test, choosing between A, B and C when in fact there exists an entire alphabet that we could have chosen from.  I love to illustrate this point with one of my favorite stories. The story is called the Flower Pot story and I’d love for your audience to check it out on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYYtU6RaK-U It’s a short 3 minute video but well worth the time.

Q: Did you have any heroes or influences on your work?

ET:  In the large sense, everyone who has contributed to the knowledge that we have today is one of my heroes.  Everyone who has paved the way for more civility and greater freedom is one of my heroes.  Everyone who takes a moment to go to the aid of another human being is one of my heroes.  I think we improve our world one person at a time and the best way for each of us to begin is to help one another.  That said, I have the larger than life heroes such as Martin Luther King, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Aristotle and so forth.  And I have my close heroes, Roy Bey, my partner in business who believed in what we might be able to do if we made giving back our primary motive, and my partner in life, my lovely bride Ravinder, who for over twenty five years has been my constant source of encouragement and my reservoir of strength.

Q:  What exactly is mind programming?

ET:  I could be a bit of a smart aleck and answer by simply saying, “The title to one of my books.”  The truth is, we are all programmed in some degree.  The science behind our programming is so sophisticated today that it bares the name, Neuromarketing.  Literally billions and billions of dollars have been spent learning how to motivate you to act in a given way, while making you believe that you made the choice to behave accordingly.  This is truly big business today, and whether it is a product or political platform, it’s all about choosing your choices for you. 

The irony is, the research data reveals clearly that once you make a decision, you will vigorously defend it even if you must make up reasons to justify it.  That may sound absurd on the surface, but believe me, it’s quite true!  Take for instance this scenario.  We know that if we place a bottle of hand sanitizer on a table with a questionnaire designed to measure your beliefs according to a scale of conservative verses liberal values, that the bottle of sanitizer will skew your answers toward the conservative side.  Once you provide the more conservative than usual answer, you will defend it and thus become even more conservative.  The fact is, this sort of “prime,” as it is called in the business, is quite often used to influence your choices in all areas of life.  So we must really begin to ask ourselves, especially if we’re like most people and believe that these things can influence others but not ourselves, “What was our last truly original thought?”

Q: How can we uncover our true potential?  Is mastering our mind the key to our happiness?

ET:  The Buddha is credited with saying, “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.”  Science supports this assertion today whole-heartedly.  Indeed, not long ago I attended a CEU for health care professionals dealing with the latest in neurological research.  There were some powerful concluding remarks, but the bottom line take away is one that is particularly relevant here.  Let me digress just a bit first.  When I attended University, the prevailing thinking asserted rather axiomatically that personality became fixed early in life, ages 4 to 6, IQ was fixed, brain cells begin to die and do not replace themselves somewhere beginning in our thirties, and so forth.  All of this is patently untrue!  Today the research shows us that among the best things we can do to improve our lives is change our personalities.  We know IQ is not fixed and indeed, the brain is amazing!  Voila, today we become excited about the possibilities inherent to neuro plasticity.  So now, fast forward to those concluding remarks and the big take away: YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN CHANGE BUT YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE! 

Q:  How can we find out more about your work?

ET:  I am pretty easy to find.  My web site is www.eldontaylor.com.  My books are available at all fine bookstores and on line.  My work with InnerTalk can be found at www.innertalk.com.  I host a two hour radio show each week called Provocative Enlightenment, and you can learn more about it at my web site, www.provocativeenlightenment.com

Q:  Thank you Eldon.

ET:  Thank you for the opportunity to share.

Eldon Taylor’s New York Times Best-Seller, Choices and Illusions, is available at all fine online and retail bookstores. However, to participate in the online event that Eldon has put together, including a chance to win a customized $500 InnerTalk library, please visit: http://www.parpromos.com/pp/it/14k/index/R.html

068:Moving On

Sometimes you just need to move on in order to grow.

Copyright © 2024 - 2025 Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Inc.. All Rights Reserved. Created by Blog Copyright.