Do You Love Yourself Enough To Let The Love In?

Help!Do You Love Yourself Enough To Let The Love In? -Vol. 307, April 30, 2015

There are many people who are very good at giving “love.” By that I mean those who are able to do favors for others, be present when others need you for a sensitive or difficult time they are going through, or by giving gifts.

However, there are many of you who are not very good at accepting gifts, even if it is as simple as a compliment. There are many reasons why you may have a hard time accepting a compliment, low self-esteem being among them. However, I would like you to think of this from the perspective of your being the one giving the compliment. How does it make you feel to have the receiver of your compliment say something dismissive such as, “Oh, it’s nothing.” or, worse say nothing at all maybe because s/he was too embarrassed. It doesn’t feel very good and leads to your maybe asking yourself why you bothered with giving the compliment at all.

Are you one of those people who has a hard time asking for assistance when you need it, thinking that either nobody will help you, or thinking that you “have to do it on your own.” Again, being a “giving” person, you most likely are there to help many of your friends and family whenever they request it, and yet, you deny yourself the same assistance. I would like you to once again ask yourself how you felt when you were the one doing the giving. One of two things took place depending on the person and situation involved. If you felt that the person really needed your help and appreciated it, warm feelings went through your body knowing that this help you gave really mattered. If on the other hand, you felt the person is ALWAYS asking for help and never giving you any help in return, you may have felt resentful of that person. Of course if you never asked for any help, that issue remains on you. One can’t expect another to ask you if you need help. People are not mind readers. You need to make the request if you need it or want it. You will find that by doing so, many people are more than happy to help you out, even strangers, if they see that you are having a particularly difficult time. I know this because many strangers have happily helped me with all sorts of things by my merely requesting the assistance.

This is the thing that you need to keep in the back of you mind all the time. We all have times when we need assistance from others. People are like ants and bees and as such we need a community to make our lives work well.

The Kabbalist teach us that we live in a cycle of giving and receiving. This being the case, it is important to receive love so that you can fill yourself up again to be able to give some more love. Keeping a balance in your giving and receiving will deepen your relationships, and better yet deepen your own sense of self-worth, and by default your feeling of self-love. Because the only way to truly love another is by truly loving yourself. That means you need to allow yourself to access whatever help you need to live a happy and fulfilling life while being a positive influence on those you love be giving help back in return.

091:Do You Know How To Receive Love

You know how to give love to everyone in your world. Do you know how to receive love?

10 Ways to Zap Pain Away Without Drugs of Any Kind

 

Massage in Frankfurt, Germany

Massage in Frankfurt, Germany (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10 Ways to Zap Pain Away Without Drugs of Any Kind – Vol. 306, April 23

When pain is felt it is an indicator that there is something happening in your body that needs to be checked out. This is why as a hypnotist, I never relieve 100% of the pain that any of my clients may be experiencing, without first knowing from my client’s doctor, that the underlying problem is being treated.

To better understand how “pain” is felt, let me take a few moments to explain how we understand the process. Your brain processes the pain you feel in your body letting you know where the problem may be. However, what is most important for you to realize is that the mind and body are linked up allowing your thoughts and emotions to have a direct impact on your physical feeling of pain. So, your attitude alone can either lesson or worsen the pain you feel.

There are many ways that one can alleviate the sensation of pain one is feeling without the use of pain medication – prescribed or over the counter. This is a very good thing because we know that the abuse of pain medication has become the number one drug abused and the number one killer, opioids coming in at 32.7% of deaths being the number one killer by pain killers in 2007. One needs to understand that opiates effect the central nervous system by slowing the heart rate the breathing becoming more shallow. When the heart rate is slowed to a stop, death occurs.

Over the counter pain medications create all sorts of side-effects as well with Tylenol being used with alcohol causing liver problems in many.  Aspirin, ibuprofen (Advil) and naproxen ( Aleve) cause all sorts of stomach problems including blood loss for the irritated area, stomach pains (gastritis) and even ulcers. Always keep in mind that there are many prescription and non-prescription cold medicines and including other pain medications that have doses of Tylenol or aspirin in them giving you the possibility of getting a double dose if you are talking more than one medication at a time.

Given that your thoughts and emotions have a direct impact on the amount of pain one is feeling, there are many things that you can do to diminish the pain felt. Here is a list of 12 ideas that you can use to help you or someone you love to significantly lesson the amount of discomfort felt.

  1. Self-hypnosis – the best thing about this is that you can do it on your own anywhere and it can be done in a very short amount of time. Hypnosis is a stress reducer, is able to effectively get rid of anxiety and depressed feelings and improve sleep. I am going to include a guided image for you to use specifically for minimizing the pain.
    1. Start by putting yourself into a relaxed state (noting that tension felt in the body increases the amount of pain felt, and no one can be tense when in the highly relaxed state of hypnosis). You can do this easily enough. Sit or lie in a comfortable position and take in a few deep breaths.
    2. Next, focus on a spot above eye level. Focus on that spot till you feel your eyes getting tired and then close your eyes.
    3. Next, relax your eyelids till they are so relaxed they will not open.
    4. Imagine a spiral stair case floating in the sky, with 10 steps.
    5. Count yourself down each step suggesting to yourself that you will double the relaxation with each step you take until you hit step zero.
    6. On step zero, take yourself to a beautiful relaxing place and stay then enjoying that  place for about 30 seconds.
    7. Next go to the place where you feel the discomfort.
    8. Make it hurt a bit more. Then make the feeling go away to the point where it is as small as the tip of a pin.
    9. Take that feeling that is now the size of the tip of a pin and move it to your toe, and then out of your body allowing the wind to take it far away from you.
  2. Laughter was found to heal even a terminal illness as proven by Norman Cousins many years ago. He watched all sorts of old time comedies and brought himself back to health. Trust me if you are busy laughing you won’t be feeling any discomfort in you body. Laughter is able to do this because it releases endorphins that are pain relieving on their own while giving one the feeling of euphoria.
  3. Massage is great as it promotes relaxation and a general feeling of well-being. It works by stimulating your skin’s nerve endings stimulating the release of endorphins. As a result massage reduces spasms, cramping, increases joint flexibility while reducing stress, anxiety and depression. Stronger massage increases blood circulation bringing more oxygen and nutrients to your body while helping your lymphatic system release waste products.
  4. Being in the “present” allows you to leave the “past” in the past and forget about the problems that you may feel are in your “future” knowing that all is fine in the “present.” By allowing yourself to let go of any negative thoughts by remaining in the present you are allowing yourself to remain stress free. Without stress there is no tension and without tension there is a sense of relaxation, bringing relief of any discomfort you may be feeling. Stress also can induce inflammation, so becoming stress free will allow your body to heal any inflammation you may be experiencing.
  5. Mediation is another way to release your discomfort, allowing a decrease in your brain”s activity that monitors the pain for you. This decreases the amount of pain felt. Monks have learned how to increase and decrease their bodies temperatures, so, many things are possible once you allow yourself enough practice to get into a deep meditative state.
    1. Mindfulness Meditation is simple to do:
    2. Put on some calming music.
    3. Then breathe rhythmically focusing on one word on your exhale like “peace,” “love” or “Om. Allowing any thoughts that come in to pass, going back to the word that you are focusing on. Doing this for even 10 minutes a day brings great benefit to people though the usually suggested amount of time is 20 minutes in the morning before breakfast and 20 minutes before eating dinner.
  6. Biofeedback is where electrical sensors are attached to your skin to monitor your heart rate. Once again, you are focusing on your being relaxed and in so doing learning to be relaxed, while letting go of stress. Biofeedback allows for the same sorts of relief of your pain as self-hypnosis and meditation.
  7. Deep breathing also helps to control any discomfort you may be experiencing. This sort of breathing is a natural tranquilizer for your body. There are many ways to go about doing deep breathing, however the easiest one I know is to sit in a comfortable position. Take in a breath for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 4 and then release the breath for a count four. Do this for 5 minutes or so and you will be wonderfully relaxed, as you have oxygenated your body, and that includes your brain where relaxation will take place.
  8. Yoga is a great way to let go of pain especially for those who suffer with back pain. You will want to take a class with a person who understands how to modify the poses for you to keep yourself benefitting from this practice. The poses help to gain muscle tone, taking stress off the weaker muscles, while helping to let go of inflammation, oxidative stress, blood lipids, while boosting serotonin in your brain relieving depression and anxiety.
  9. Pilates which is another form of exercise that can be found in most health clubs is also great for back pain in particular. Again you want to take a class with an instructor who knows how to modify the positions so you are benefiting from the practice. Pilates is mainly used to strengthen your “core” muscles – those that are in your stomach area. When they get atrophied and then worsening the situation by having a layer of fat, the back may be too weak to support the body causing pain.
  10. Progressive relaxation is great to do as it allows you to learn the difference between tension and relaxation. It is simple to do. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Starting with your feet, tense all the muscles for a couple of seconds and then relax them. Next tense your calves for a few seconds and then release them. Continue in this fashion until you have tensed and relaxed every muscle in your body.
  11. Tai Chi – an ancient martial art that is used to keep flexibility and mindfulness. It is really a meditation with motion. Keeping your mind focused on the movements while deep breathing will result in your being relaxed releasing the pain, while building up your muscles and your flexibility. The gentle smooth movements releases the neurotransmitters of the brain, bringing on a sense of well-being and letting go of anxiety and depressed feelings. Again, you want to have someone teach you how to do Tai Chi who knows how to adapt the movement to help you.
  12. Music to Calm your Soul – Music triggers the nucleus accumbens, which is where dopamine, the “feel good” chemical is released. The amygdala which processes your emotions and the pre-frontal cortex which allows for abstract thinking to occur are also put into action. Research has proven that listening to soothing music will decrease anxiety, lower cortisol levels by those undergoing surgery better than anti-anxiety medication.

   
No matter what you are doing or where you are, one of these methods or more could be put into force to help you to alleviate your pain. However, as I stated in the beginning of this weblog; if you are experiencing pain for more than a few days, or if the pain your are feeling is of an acute nature, you best have it checked out by a medical doctor so the under lying condition that is creating the pain can be treated. The last thing anyone would want to do is to ignore the body’s method of letting one know that there is a potentially life threatening situation there. So, get it checked out and treated. Then you can use the methods above to help you minimize the discomfort that you are feeling in a safer manner than any medication out there.
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090:Habits of Success

Want to be more successful? Then adopt the habits of success.

Our College Students Are In A Mental Health Crisis: We Need To Pay Better Attention

 StudyOur College Students Are In A Mental Health Crisis: We Need To Pay Better Attention – Vol. 305, April 16, 2015 

Psychologytoday.com published an article on February 15, 2015 called The College Student Mental Health Crisis,” by Gregg Henriques. This very complete article sites many studies to back up the sad claim that our college students are in worse mental health then ever before.

The American Freshman 2012 annual survey found that 30% of college freshmen reported feeling frequently overwhelmed, with 40.5% of women so afflicted, reporting the highest number since the survey began in 1985. Then, there was less than half the percentage reporting frequent overwhelm today.

A 2013 survey found that 57% of women and 40% of men were experiencing episodes of “overwhelming anxiety” in he past year. Feelings of depression making it difficult to function was reported by 33% of the women and 27% of the men. Between 25% and 33% of the students meet the criteria for an anxiety of depressive illness during their college experience. According to the American College Health Association (ACHA) the suicide rate among 15 – 24 year olds has tripled since the 1950’s making it the second most common cause of death among college students. The study also found 9.4% of students seriously considering attempted suicide at least once in a 12 month period.

Use of Ritalin and related “study drugs” have dramatically increased in the past two decades. I had a client who didn’t have ADD or ADHD, yet was suffering from bulimia, taking Ritalin to help her study longer into the evening as she was working her way through an MBA program. This was a particularly deadly combination given the stress on her heart from her eating disorder.

Which brings me to the next report where 20% of the students, both men and woman reported having a history of an eating disorder. Anorexia and bulimia are the number one killers of woman 15 to 24 years of age.

Binge drinking is another concern not only because of the potential of alcohol poisoning,  but deaths due to drinking while intoxicated. The number of college students considered alcohol dependent is up to 2.8 million. Given the lack of impulse control, 97,000 students were sexually assaulted. Sexually transmitted disease is yet another concern with this sort of behavior occurring.

Unfortunately many parents feel that though other’s kids could have these mental health problems, they don’t see their own kids having these problems. This I can tell you is a very short sighted and potentially deadly point of view.

I was speaking to a grandfather who was telling me of his grandson’s getting thrown out of basketball games because of his terrible rages against umpires calling fouls on him. This grandfather was very loving in that he was doing his best to teach his grandson how to visualize successful plays while calming him down through teaching him self-hypnosis. Though this is a very good approach, I brought it to his attention that this sort of uncalled for rage could be an indicator of depression and needed to be treated as such before his grandson became yet another statistic.

My very best childhood friend killed himself at the age of 39, hanging himself from a rafter in the same church that he was employed to work with teens. When I read his very long writings in my high school year books, it was quite obvious that he was feeling very overwhelmed by all the activities he was to be involved in to gain scholarships to ivy league colleges, while needing to have excellent grades. One would never think this young man was depressed to look at him, and yet, under the facade he was a ticking time bomb.

I know myself, that during my sophomore year I went through a terrible time with my roommate’s father coming on to me inappropriately. It was she who got to keep the room even though her home was 10 minutes down the road from the college. This as I was forced to move into another dorm room. That would have been okay if the roommate wasn’t putting nooses over my head as she was popping Quaaludes while drinking hard alcohol to mark her time through school. By the second semester I was moved into a single where I had some peace and quiet. However, the trauma I underwent set off a precondition for manic depression that was not diagnosed and treated till I was 28 years old. This because the illness got so bad, me feeling so depressed and hopeless that I finally went in for help.

I know that while I was at college there was at least one nursing student who became anorexic, there was another female who was a binge drinker and another who got pregnant her sophomore year and dropped out. This was between 1979 and 1983. There was a lot of drinking at the school I went to, keg parties thrown virtually every weekend in the upper class men’s dorms, though that wasn’t the avenue I went thank God given my manic depression. This is because 85% of all manic depressives will self-medicate their mood swings with substances with 15% of them dying as a result of their illness.

To make this point even more strongly, I treated a 19 year old Nairobi college student whose mother was very upset with herself because she didn’t realize that her very own son was experiencing suicidal ideation. She was upset because she is a medical doctor and has seen many of her own patients suffering with depression and yet when it came to her own son, though she realized he was unhappy, she didn’t realize how far into depression he had fallen. This happened because she was so close to the problem it was hard for her to see it. So, if a medical doctor couldn’t fully understand the state of her own child, it is easy to see how someone without that training could miss it.

Understanding how common these problems are with our college youth, understanding that college is a time when teens are becoming adults, learning how to manage money, time, and the recreational grenades that all colleges have – we need to do a better job of letting our kids know that we love them, want to hear from them and are willing to take their concerns seriously. If this isn’t done, your kid could become another statistic which is certainly something I am sure you would rather not experience.

089:Not Happy, Change Your Environment

Is your environment supporting your life and your goals

 

Gambling: One Problem that Our Country Is Confounded By

when it's no longer a game Gambling: One Problem that Our Country Is Confounded By – Vol. 304, April 9, 2015 

There are approximately 6 million gambling addicts in the United States. Due to the fact that many  gambling addicts are skilled at hiding their behavior, it is difficult to measure the social and economic effects of it. Pathological gamblers have higher rates of divorce, suicide, physical abuse, with about 66% of them have committed a crime to cover their debts.

Less than 1% of Americans are classified as problem gamblers, people who are known to have an impulsive control disorder. The state of Nevada was shown to have the largest percentage of problem gamblers at 4.3% in a federally commissioned report back in 2002. Given a closer proximity to gaming venues, the percentage of problem gamblers goes up.

A problem gambler would be understood as a person who will gamble more money than they can afford to lose, spends so much time gambling that relationships with the people close to them are neglected, will borrow money to cover gambling losses, sometimes lying to get the money needed to cover their debts. In the worst cases the gambler will commit crimes to cover gambling debts.

A study in Canada showed 3 to 4% of  college aged kids have a gambling addiction versus 0.8 to 2% of adults. Teens are not seen as problem gamblers, though many become addicted at an early age as a result of being taken to horse races and getting a “high” from the activity there, or perhaps growing up in families where poker games were played regularly. Many times the gambling for youth doesn’t get out of control till they become teen agers with college loans, with the loan money going to gambling rather than for the schooling the loans were meant to cover. When the student is unable to regain the lost money, the life’s path is changed no longer being able to continue with college.

One in five gamblers will try to commit suicide, feeling hopeless that the huge debts incurred will ever be repaid.

The saddest part of teen gambling is that no one is even asking the kids if they are having a problem with it, so the programs that are out there to treat them, are not getting the referrals for treatment.

Like many addictions, gambling starts out being a fun activity, which in time progresses out of control for those who use it to stop thinking the negative thoughts they don’t wish to think. As an addiction, the compulsive thoughts lead to the impulsive behaviors, with the dopamine rush making it impossible for the addicted gambler to leave the game before running up massive debts.

Because one can’t smell the alcohol on the breath, see the glazed eyes, or notice the track marks that those addicted to substances show, it is easier for the gambling addict to slide by, allowing the problem to get ever more out of control till the gambler’s life and those they love are over taken by the losses incurred by the gambler’s addiction.

In the state of California casinos are mandated to have brochures near the telephones and ATM machines for those with a gambling problem to be able to take with them to receive the help they require. Most of these programs use a 12-step methodology to work with their participants, something that I as a hypnotist find horrifying. Why would anyone want to tell their unconscious mind that they are an addict and will always be an addict, when the fact of the matter, is that one needn’t put that crap into one’s mind. One needn’t feel stuck with any addiction from my experience.

The best way to help any addict is to help them to find a compelling future that is more meaningful then the addicted behavior while doing the work necessary to have them “fall back in love with themselves.” Once that is accomplished the negation of the addiction can be done along with the setting of new boundaries. This includes making friends with people who don’t gamble while staying away from gambling venues. The only problem is that on-line gambling is becoming more pervasive. The best way to deal with that is to help the gambler to become what I call a “non-gambler,” meaning that they no longer have the thoughts or feelings of a gambler. It is when this is achieved that the problem is no longer a part of the client’s life.

The younger the client is when they show up to have the work done, the quicker and easier the process becomes. Younger people are already in a hypnotic state, not yet having fully developed their pre-frontal cortex, making them naturals for this hypnotic work. 

For older clients, they have to be completely committed to doing “whatever it takes” to turn their lives around. It is possible for anyone who has decided to be through with the addiction, through with the destructive mindsets and ready to live a life that is happier and more fulfilling than the one lived in the shame and poverty that gambling creates.

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