095:Happy 23rd Anniversary for Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Solid advice for women on communicating with men from John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus.

Suzanne_with_John_Gray_P1010002-300x2251

Stop Believing That Your Value Depends on Other Peoples’ Opinions Of You

beyouVol. 310, May 21, 2015 – Stop Believing That Your Value Depends on Other Peoples’ Opinions Of You

 

Today’s weblog is based on a learning that I received from Karen Berg of the Kabbalah Centre which I feel is useful for all of us to consider. Kabbalist share the belief that we who practice NLP do; that we are “at cause” for everything that happens in our lives. Kabbalah being a spiritual practice, we need to recognize that Kabbalist work with the light of the “Creator” (what some of you would call God) that they believe resides in each of us. This being the case, it is up to us to give up any and all feelings of “victimhood” by realizing that we are in control of what we experience in life.

The important idea for you to understand whether or not you believe in God, is that you need to let go of what I call the “id – ego” based on Freud’s idea of the id being the child self wanting everything now, without regard to what is realistic. The id gets hurt very easily, unable to understand the perspective of another. This is because we don’t automatically feel respect from other people.

So, when the Kabbalist speak of the “ego” in the spiritual sense, they are really speaking about what we know as Freud’s definition of the id.

If you are an atheist the best way to accomplish this is to realize that everyone has their own perspective on any given situation. The best thing to do is to be empathetic to the other person’s reality. Are they having a hard time? Are they tired and irritable? Are they dealing with an illness that makes them feel uncomfortable or self-conscious? Did they just suffer a loss of a person or something dear to them?

It is by being willing to step into another’s shoes and show compassion that we are able to better deal with what may be going on with them.

That being said, our value as human beings needs to come from inside our selves from the way in which we live our lives. In fact all feelings of self-love, self-respect and self-worth need to come from that which is inside your own soul. If you are living a life that is based on being the best person you can be, in every area of your life, then there is no reason for you to be concerned about other peoples’ opinions. Those who share your values and beliefs will feel good about who you are as a person and show it. Those who don’t will most likely find fault with anyone because they are themselves miserable people unable to figure out how to love and respect themselves. This is the reason that some people are judgmental of others.

If you do have a spiritual belief where you believe the Creator, or God is inside you which comes from many spiritual practices with the understanding, “As above, as below,” then perhaps you would be able to willing to receive some spiritual guidance from Karen Berg in how we let go of other peoples’ opinions of us:

 

  1. Acknowledge that you are 100% responsible for everything that happens in your life.
  2. Petition the Creator to help you in this process.
  3. Meditate on the fact that your value comes from those things that you do that you believe are valuable.
  4. Infuse yourself with the Creator’s love that flows throughout the universe.
  5. Thank the Creator for allowing you to do this process.

 

I know for myself, that my own value isn’t based on what anyone thinks about me, rather the actions that I take every day to be the “stand” that I feel moved to be in those difficult decisions that come up more often than I might like. It is through the work that I do and the commitment to those who love me as I love them – those are the ways that I find value for myself. The beautiful thing about this life is that when you are present for others by taking a stand for them, more often than not, you will receive even more love and respect back for having done so. Because, it is that which we give the most of, that we receive the most back from. We don’t do it for this reason, we do it because it feels like the “right” thing to do. However, it is a very wonderful feeling to receive back this love and respect for the efforts we put out there into the world.

What happens if you fail to receive back the love and respect for the efforts you put out there? Well, as I said above, we don’t do it for what we receive back, we do it because it is the “right” thing to do, period. Living in this fashion allows you to respect and love yourself in a healthy manner. It is through this healthy self-love and respect that you are able to share yourself with others in the most transparent and meaningful way, bringing you lovely relationships upon which we humans require to be happy and fulfilled being the naturally social beings that we are, just like the ants and bees. It takes colonies to make their societies work, and it take whole communities to allow our societies to work, each of us with our own part to play.

094:Learn to Use What Was Your Favorite Word When You Were 2 years old – -NO

Say NO and start living your own life.

How Does One Create Better Health? Could You Dream Your Way To Better Health?

 Dream!How Does One Create Better Health? Could You Dream Your Way To Better Health? – Vol. 309, May 14, 2015 

One of the main problems that I have with my clients is that they are given all sorts of diagnoses speaking to the pathologies in their bodies and minds. My job first and foremost, is to help my clients figure out what is “right” with them  thus allowing them to let go of their supposed pathologies, bringing them health and wellbeing. It’s an amazing thing our minds, and the way that they can be used to allow us to create wellness instead of ill health. And, frankly, I care little about the complexity involved because what I have learned from the experts in my life, my clients themselves, is that given a strong enough “compelling future” they can dream their way to health and fulfillment. Of course the first person I needed to learn this from was indeed myself.

How does this work? Well, it is really very simple if we understand how the mind was created to work. Your thoughts are what create your neurology and everything else that is going on in your body. So, if some doctor in his or her white coat hypnotizes you into believing that there is something wrong with you, you will believe in what is known as a “nocebo” creating ill health. If instead you are allowed to believe in your own power to create health and wellbeing and are given the tools and techniques to do so, even tumors can disappear. I know this from my own success ridding myself of a brain tumor a few years ago. There was nothing the great doctors at Massachusetts General Hospital could do to make the tumor go away. They helped by stopping its growth, but they were very clear that they couldn’t make it disappear. It was by remembering my very first hypnosis mentor, who worked in oncology at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston who worked with his patients to help them rid themselves of tumors along with helping them with pain control and dealing with the various side-effects from their conventional cancer treatments.

There was this other situation I had many years before feeling leashed to my ex-psychiatrist being treated for what was known as manic depression for over 14 years. I knew in my heart of hearts that I could get rid of this illness with the correct treatment. I just didn’t know what it was. That was until I found myself in a very intensive training where I had to apply to myself everything that I had learned in my Neuro-Linguistic Master Practitioner training plus a few extra more esoteric techniques. It wan’t my intention to find the way to let go of my manic depression at that particular training. I was really there because my marriage was falling apart and I wanted help in dealing with the difficulties of that matter. However, because I had dreamed for over a decade of the day when I would be able to finally let my now ex-psychiatrist know the answer to one of her questions to me, “Would you do it my way or your way if you had a choice in dealing with your manic depression.” The only answer I had at the time was of course “her way” since I didn’t yet have a “my way.” But, with all the day dreaming and the deep desire to never require another side-effect laden medication or the necessity to continue to see my psychiatrist or any psychiatrist again, I found a way to let go of this once thought of permanent condition never ever looking back since January 5, 2005.

Bronchial asthma was another illness that was creating all sorts of problems for me especially because I use my voice to do my work. What is hypnosis other than the giving of suggestions of new perceptions done either in a conversational or in a suggestive state? One can’t do this while coughing and worrying the client about the practitioner’s health. Not to mention that talking makes the coughing worse. Once again, the sheer desire to finally be rid of this disgusting and disruptive malady was dreamed away, as I finally realized why I had it to begin with during an eight hour intervention that we had to do at my NLP master practitioner training. Thank God I had a partner who wanted to learn everything that she could, because  she did indeed help me to let go of this problem once and for all. The interesting thing here was that though the symptoms look to be physiological as in being allergic reactions, what asthma really is, is an illness that is predicated on emotional issues and limiting beliefs. Once I let go of the limiting belief that I needed to be ill to get taken care of (financially in my case), the asthma became an indicator to me of one of two issues in my world. Either someone who was toxic in my life needed to be let go, or I need to get more sleep. Since July 2004 these are the only reasons I ever experience any sort of asthmatic attack. So, the symptoms now serve me instead of getting in the way of my living my life.

So, what illnesses do you need to dream away? You know those illnesses that you were told that you had to live with by managing them because there was no “cure” for them according to the conventional medical model?

I am here to let the great majority of you know that your mind when used in the manner in which it was created, can and will allow you to release most anything. I am not saying everything because there are some congenital illnesses that are not going to go away. However, for the great majority of physical and mental illnesses that you were told were unable to be healed, only managed, I am a perfect example of being able to do so with not one, not two but three such illnesses. So, what is stopping you from gaining your health and vitality? Learn how your mind can help you overcome what’s dragging you down so you can finally get on with the fine art living your life purposefully and joyfully.

093:Fearlessness- The Best Way To Create Freedom & Success In Your Life

Face fear and create the life you want.

Are You A Hoarder? Here May Be Why & What You Can Do About it

clutter Are You A Hoarder? Here May Be Why & What You Can Do About it – Vol. 308, May 7, 2015

About 3 to 5% of the population of the U.S. have what would be considered a hoarding behavior, meaning that there is so much stuff in the home, that one has a difficult time navigating inside it, may be isolating them from friends and family and of course spending more money  on these things (sometimes including cats and other animals) then can be afforded.

Like most issues where the mind is concerned the presenting problem of the hoarding, is not the problem itself, rather the problem that, “presents” the fact that there is something much deeper in the psyche of the individual that is creating this “need” or “desire” to hoard.

Over the years that I have been doing hypnosis I have noticed a few reasons that people do indeed form this behavior and by better understanding it, perhaps you can help yourself or someone you know who demonstrates this potentially damaging behavior to receive the sort of help that can alleviate the problem.

The first person I ever treated for hoarding did so because her mother forced her to keep their home washed down, including the walls on a weakly basis. When her mother passed away, she used the stuff she bought, many times leaving them in the bags they were put in, in her hallway. These bags were what formed a barrier to her home, disallowing anyone into it that she didn’t wish to have enter. In this particular case, sadly the issue is still present, because she is still unwilling to have many of her friends come into her home.

The second person that I treated for hoarding had the problem because all of her stuff was thrown or given away when her parents sold the house that she was raised in. Further, she was never given what she felt was love and appreciation, so she filled herself up with things instead of that which she felt she couldn’t receive,“unconditional love and acceptance.” She has done very well with her issues clearing out most of the stuff that was no longer needed or wanted, freeing up her space and her life.

The third person I treated with a hoarding behavior did so because she didn’t feel safe out in the world at large – she had some fairly serious mental health issues that left her isolated in her home, the things becoming her “buddies,” in that they were there for her to entertain herself. She was an artist and loved to paint. The only time she went out of her home was to go to art classes. Whenever she could, she had art models come to her home even though it was rather difficult for them to navigate through the house, it only having narrow paths from which to get from room to room. She has lightened the load in her home since our work together as she also received some very valuable help with her mental health issue, giving her a bit more space in her home and a sense of accomplishment.

The fourth person I treated for this problem was never given anything by her family as she grew up in a fairly poor family. So, she took care of this problem by purchasing pretty much anything she wanted to the point where there was no place to put it in her home.  We dealt with her problem by allowing her to better understand her parents’ perception of things and thus allowed her to feel free to finally give away much of that which she no longer needed or wanted, to charities in her area.

The last client I had that I worked with had never felt stable having moved countless times during her childhood.  Once she bought her own home she filled it with all the things she never could keep from all the moving she did as a kid. We were able to get her to understand that her stuff was safe now, never needing to be let it go, unless she had a desire to do so. With that one change in perception she was easily able to let go of much of what she had collected over the years, giving some of it to her children and grandchildren and donating the rest to charity.

Some of the research seems to point toward people learning this from their parents behavior. As a hypnotist, I am well aware of the imprinting that can be done when one is raised in a certain manner. Though I would be remiss in not stating that coming from a fairly cluttered home with too many animals myself, I have at least one sister who loves her home to be white, without any clutter whatsoever, everything having its place. Her home is beautifully appointed – not fancy as such, yet certainly very comfortable for anyone who she chooses to allow to come in. She isn’t one for doing lots of entertaining, desiring her home to be her “safe haven”. For myself and the rest of my sisters, we each have different levels of clutter we are fine with, mom’s way of living not really influencing us one way of the other. Given that I am one of five kids, maybe that gives you a better sense of the effects of being raised in such a home.

The thing that needs to be understood which the research also bears out, is that getting a declutterer or organizer will only help to the point that the hoarder’s underlying issues are dealt with, if indeed they feel they have a problem that they deem requires help. Most hoarders are not to the degree that one sees on the so-called reality shows where 100s of animals or stuff is piled from the floor to the ceiling making for a fire trap. In most cases it is difficult to have company over there not being a place for them to sit  and many cases issues of over spending are the larger problem. These issues alone would make it worth it to have the problem taken care of going for the root cause of the problem first and then dealing with the de-cluttering.

092:Are You Living a Successful Life

Do you have a functional definition of success? Find out.

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