Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:41 — 11.6MB)
For Suzanne’s 100th podcast, she shed’s some light on what real job success is.
Jun 28 2015
Suzanne’s Video Interview on The Craig Barry Experience
During this 52 minute interview Craig Barry asked many important questions regarding what hypnosis and NLP are and how I use them with my clients. More importantly, Craig allowed me to do a 10 minute hypnosis demonstration on him giving you an excellent idea of how I work with my clients.
Jun 25 2015
Divorce: A Better Understanding of It’s Effects on Children Of All Ages
Divorce: A Better Understanding of It’s Effects on Children Of All Ages – Vol. 315, June 25, 2015
It’s amazing to me that most adults have no understanding how their decision to divorce effects their children and I don’t care how old those children are. This is not a tirade about staying in unhappy dysfunctional relationships, because that can have even worse results on your kids’ abilities to create loving respectful relationships of their own.
What I am speaking to here are some of the ramifications of divorce on children which the adults who take this action all too often fail to realize.
Many years ago I had a 10 year old child come to see me. I was working with the woman who had come to live in his home with her two youngest children. She and his father had been friends going all the way back to junior high school and they felt that they could help one another out. During one of my sessions with this woman she told me that this particular kid was going through a very difficult time, acting out, causing trouble mainly due to his anger from what she could tell. She wanted to know if I could see him and help him out.
He came in with his father for two sessions. The first session we did some work around why he felt he was acting out. He didn’t really know. Then I asked him about the issue of the divorce between his dad and mom. He like many kid’s felt that he was to blame. The truth of the matter was that his mother had gotten into some issues with drug addiction and though was off them for a few years, got pulled back onto them by a “friend” of hers. It was at this juncture that his father had, had enough and filed for divorce.
The child was aware of his mother’s problem with drugs, and they spoke a little about that during the session. But, the more helpful explanation the father gave to his son was to ask his son if he ever had any friends that he no longer thought of as friends for whatever reason. The son admitted this was so. So, his father explained that sometimes people grow in different directions and the relationships just don’t work out as they once did. That seemed to help this kid out a lot.
I had an older woman come into see me whose parents divorced when she was quite young. In this case her father gave her a ton of attention and the mother who left, was never seen again. This was an issue of abandonment by the mother which lead this woman to feelings of unworthiness of love, spending her life with men who abused her and used her, never able to create a healthy relationship. This is something that happens too often, when a parental figure abandons the role of parent. In this case we needed to do some forgiveness work and inner child work, to help this woman heal the feelings of abandonment.
I had another client who came in a while ago whose parents divorced and placed the kids in the middle. It was a no-win situation for the kids, and this particular one was very angry to be put in the position. This kid realized that the parents were creating lots of stress that was unneeded and resented it. This was a harder case to deal with because the kid was still in the situation and couldn’t leave it. Mainly we worked on his taking himself out of the parental relationship, meaning that he realized that this was his parents issue and that they needed to deal with it, not he. In the mean time he focused his time and energy on doing those things that he enjoyed, buried himself in his studies. He did this to get into a great college so that he would have a career that would sustain him without having to rely on his parents any longer, having shown that they weren’t emotionally there for any of their children, their hatred for one another having gotten in the way of everything.
Parents, sometimes divorce is necessary. I know, being a divorced person myself, never wanting this to happen. Unlike you, I never had any kids. Like you, I can understand the rage and hurt that one experiences especially when one never thought they would be going down this road.
That said, you have to remember that you brought these children into the world and as such it is your responsibility to take care of their needs: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It is NOT up to them to take care of any of your needs. It is up to the adults to figure out a way to interact with one another to get the things done that need to be done, and do It in such a manner as to allow your kids to know that they matter more than your own hurt feelings. For that get yourself the help you deserve to process the hurt feelings and get your lives back in line.
If your children are doing worse in school then they did before the divorce, seem to be moping around the house, or are out to all hours of the night on a school night and you haven’t a clue where they are at, with whom they are, or what they are doing, it is your responsibility to let them know that you recognize the behavior for what it is. It is up to you to ask them what is bothering them, and it is up to you to let them know that you are there for them. Let them know that the changes in the family as a result of the divorce is most likely difficult for them. Let them talk to you about it letting their feelings be “heard” and then ask them what they feel would help them to deal with it better and why that matters. It matters because no one can be expected to care a lot about anything if they feel their whole life has been taken away from them and worse, if they are blaming them selves for the split in your relationship with your spouse.
So, please be brave, be cognizant that you aren’t the only one who is being adversely effected and have those talks, in a loving and emotionally validating manner. In that way you may very well be helping your child to stay out of larger difficulties while helping them to process the feelings one would go through as a result of a divorce between their parents.
Jun 22 2015
099:Align Yourself With Your Values to Be Happy
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:34 — 16.1MB)
How well do your values and your actions line up.
Jun 21 2015
Alecia Lawrence interview – Part 3 of 3
Several months ago, I was interviewed by podcaster Alecia Lawrence. I wanted to share this very useful information with my subscribers. Above is part 3 of a three part interview. Down below is the link to the FREE Gifts we offered to Alicia’s listeners for you to access for your own use.
Here’s your to link to your free gifts:
Jun 18 2015
Learnings of Letting Go of Cocaine from Those In “Programs”
Learnings of Letting Go of Cocaine from Those In “Programs” – Vol. 314, June 18, 2015
Several years ago I received a call from a gentleman who was using Cocaine. At that time, I hadn’t yet learned how to help someone get off the drugs using hypnosis, so I told him that he needed to be clean for at least a month before I would be able to help him stay off the cocaine.
He called me back a couple of years later reminding me of the amount of money that I was asking to do the job of getting him off the cocaine. Sure enough when I looked into my file with all the prospects that had called in, I found the notes that I had taken which agreed with the amount he quoted back to me.
He went on to say that he had just won a Workman”s comp case, so he could pay me cash. This was a good thing, because I knew from the story he originally told me that he had done quite a few break ins to get stuff he could sell for cash, to then purchase his cocaine. He went on to tell me that though he had done time in one state for his B &Es there, he was still wanted in two other states. So, It was a good thing that he could pay me cash to get the job done.
Now, this is the most interesting part of this case history. I was working in Arlington, Massachusetts at the time, where we can have blizzards during the winter. So, happened that when this prospect called to have the work done, it was the middle of February and we had quite a lot of snow coming down the day he was to come for his initial appointment. He had to drive from Cape Cod to Arlington, Massachusetts, north of Boston to see me at my home office there. He did this in the snow, it taking him about 2 hours to get there. I made him call me before he left and he called me a couple of times to let me know where he was on the journey as I requested, just to make sure he was okay.
He did this for two days in a row and managed to stay off he cocaine for at least six months. I knew this because he called me about six months later telling me that he wanted to see me again to help him stop smoking. He was going to get back to me when he had the cash to pay to have that done. It was a couple of weeks later that I called to see when he thought he would have the cash to do that job when his phone number was non-operational. My best guess is that he was brought in to serve time in one of the two other states that still had a warrant out for his arrest.
There is the other thing I want to convey to you about this particular gentleman; he was indeed a gentleman, who truly wanted the help. Many people ask me how it is that I allow such people into my home and I tell them what I always tell people who ask me this question. If someone is willing to pay you a substantial amount of money out of pocket to get themselves healed, wouldn’t ripping me off be the last thing on their minds?
We need to better understand people and why it is that they do the things they do. Because I was speaking about this case today while I was at the San Pedro Mental Health Center – a community based and city run center for low income people. I was a vendor at the Community Mental Health Fair they put on there, where many young and old people were brought from their addictions programs to learn about the different services that were available to them once they completed their programs and were back in their community.
At one point I had five twenty-something year old young men, all of them with many tattoos on their bodies who had gotten into drug problems standing around me. You see at the fair all the vendors were given these little stamps and all of the people who attended were to get a stamp from each of the vendors to get some sort of gift. Unlike the majority of vendors, I actually was unwilling to stamp anyone’s card without first having a discussion with me to learn a bit more about how their minds operate, from the hypnotic perspective, and then signing my sign-up sheet to get the free stuff I have on my website to them. Some of them will be waiting a couple of months to get their invitation to “opt-in” because they are in programs where no computers are allowed. They signed up anyway, and I just noted on the sign-up sheet when they were being released so I could get the information to them. The main thing though, was that I wanted to help them to better understand why it was that they got into the addictions and then the legal trouble all of these men had, all of them having done time in prison.
It was very rewarding because they did engage with me because I spoke there language, even though I am a small white women, 20-30 years their senior, and these were African American and Hispanic kids with whom I was speaking.
The first question I asked them was, “Why do you think you got addicted to drugs?”
The first answers were superficial such as I enjoy them, they calm me down, etc.
Then I asked them “to go under that reason” and give me the REAL reason that they became addicted to drugs.?
One small guy was real enough with himself to say that he did the drugs because he felt self-hatred, and unworthy of love. I the asked the group what those messages were that they heard in their heads when they weren’t using? And, while four of them denied they had anything going on, that one small guy said that he heard the words “Stupid”, “You’re not anybody, so quit trying,” “Your worthless.” And, then a couple of the other guys agreed that sometimes they had those same sorts of negative commentary going on inside their heads as well.
I explained to them that until they learn how to love themselves and get themselves a “compelling future,” meaning something that they wanted to be doing that was much more important then destroying their lives with drugs, that they most likely will find it near impossible to stay off the drugs, especially if they continue going back to the same people in their environments who they were doing the drugs and/or drinking with.
The most beautiful part of the whole exchange was that these guys thanked me for caring enough to actually get into a conversation with them and to help them better understand themselves, because honestly, most people don’t know why they do those things they do, they just don’t know how to go about stopping them.
A couple of them were interested in staying in touch and I am okay with that, because I know that those who have the where with all to be straight with themselves, and do the healing work as my ex-cocaine client did years ago, they will indeed find themselves some work in the community. They will then go that extra mile to make sure that they get done what needs to get done to regain the lives that they should have had, if they only had it a bit better, easier and more loving from the get go.
Jun 15 2015
098: Dr. Oz Under Scrutiny By Hypocrits & Theives Says John Gray
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 19:51 — 18.2MB)
Get Suzanne’s opinion on why the medical community is going after Dr. Oz.