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The tools for being joyful are all around us. Pick them up, use them and live a life worth living.
Aug 13 2015
What A Shame, Bill Cosby is Anything But the Endearing Figure We All Wanted Him To Be
What A Shame, Bill Cosby is Anything But the Endearing Figure We All Wanted Him To Be – Volume 322, August 13, 2015
How is it possible that a man who is so well known and regarded in the entertainment business as is true of Bill Cosby, could get along for so long lying about his horrific behavior against young women who were looking to be mentored? Instead, 35 of them have come forward aged between 20 and 80 stating that Cosby drugged them with Quaaludes, which can render a person functionally immobile. He then pursued them for sex, as reported in Cosby’s deposition for the Constand case, made available to the public in July, 2015. Andrea Constand was a former basketball star who met Cosby at Temple University where she worked and where he was on the Board of Directors back in 2005. It is alleged that Cosby drugged her and then digitally penetrated her.
How an educated man could believe that drugging and then forcing himself on a woman would not constitute rape is beyond me. However, what we do know of the predators of this sort of crime, is that they rarely if ever think that their is anything wrong with their behavior. I don’t believe that the modeling agency who he told to send him woman who were financially strapped to mentor, would have ever believed that the women they sent over would be drugged and sexually molested by the very person who set himself up to be a helpful hand on their way to celebrity.
Bill Cosby told the women that they may as well keep their mouths shut because no one would believe them anyway. For many of them that helped to keep Cosby’s despicable behavior out of the news from the mid 1960’s to 2005 when these assaults took place.
I have written a few posts a few weeks back about how to get help for rape victims, so I am not going to concentrate this article on that subject. What I am going to do though, is to explain how it is that rape has been so hard to be understood for the terrible crime it is through the decades.
In the 60’s no one had heard the term “acquaintance rape” because rape was understood as being committed by a stranger. By the 70’s and 80’s the “No Means No” campaign took place that It became known that 80 to 90 percent of the victims knew their attackers.
Still the culture of shame and the silence that went with it continued. This is understandable in the sense that it is easier to blame the victim then to listen to the terrible stories that women who have been sexually assaulted have to tell. However, it is only going to change when brave people such as the women who have been attacked by Cosby are willing to go on the record telling their stories. Because, those with power and wealth are always going to believe that they can get away with these acts, it is even more important to call them out. Celebrities are only human after all and need to be kept to the same level of behavior as the rest of society.
If you want to read one of the best articles that I have found on this case from which much of the information in this article is based, go to http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/bill-cosbys-accusers-speak-out.html?mid=emailshare_thecut.
It is an article written by Noreen Malone and Amanda Demme for New York Magazine called ‘I’m No Longer Afraid’: 35 Women Tell Their Stories About Being Assaulted by Bill Cosby And the Culture that Wouldn’t Listen.
Included in the article are some of the women telling their stories which you will find are very similar in content.
Aug 10 2015
106:Surprise Yourself By Expanding Yourself
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Have an adventure and expand your world.
Aug 06 2015
How Do True Sex Addicts Experience Sex Addiction?
How Do True Sex Addicts Experience Sex Addiction? – Volume 321, August 6, 2015
Many medical and mental health professionals feel that sex addiction does not exist believing that this “label” is an excuse for infidelity. For the over 12 million people who suffer with it, including many women, this is a very serious mental health issue given the negative consequences attached to it.
Melissa Bykofsky wrote a very interesting article in Yahoo Health called What its Like to Be A Sex addict where took some quotes off an app called Whisper where people could share their feelings anonymously. Because I am not teamed up with this particular app, I am unable to use it’s content here. However, what I can share with you, is what my sexually addicted clients have shared with me about the pain they go through knowing: that they cannot stop from looking at porn, wanting to be with most of the women they see as they go through their day-to-day lives, or making calls to “massage therapists” in the hopes of getting a “happy ending” massage (where the client is brought to “completion” for an additional cost for the experience).
For the gentlemen who I see who are already in “committed” relationships there is shame and guilt because of the two lives they are leading. They are constantly worried about being caught and found out by anyone. If their partner finds out, it could end their relationship. If there are kids involved, that could mean a divorce with limited time with their kids.
For those who have never found a committed relationship, they wonder why it is that they are going after all this “empty of feeling” sex with people that they don’t care about and why they can’t commit to one woman.
On top of the possible loss of the most important relationships that they have in their lives, they are concerned with their bosses finding our and then firing them, leaving them without an income.
Most of all my clients want to know why it is that they have these compulsive thoughts of having sex on their minds 24/7 and why they can’t seem to have “normal relationships” with others
Because of the lack of understanding around this issue of sex addiction, there are may people who laugh at the thought that anyone could consider this a problem. However, for anyone who has any sort of addiction, the reason it is called an “addiction” is because there is no control over the behavior involved, allowing the behavior to take over the addict’s life. For many the money spent on getting the sexual releases involved can be much more than they can afford putting a financial strain on them and their family, if they have one.
For the majority of my clients, internet pornography was the door into compulsive masturbation and that evolved to “the chase” for the “happy ending” massages and in a minority of cases, onto escort serves.
A few of my clients were also into “flashing” believing that those women they flashed “were into them.” The only problem with flashing in public is that is is illegal. This is what lead my clients that were “flashers” into my practice.
The reason that people get involved with sex addiction in particular is because of their inability to “normally attach” to one person, unable to feel the mutual love and affection that “normally attached” people find in relationships. Those with sex addictions are cheating on their partners regularly, they have an inability to be truly intimate with their partners, are usually turned on by the “chase” for new sex partners, and many are compulsive masturbators. In my practice the majority of my sexually addicted clients were unwilling to use condoms, making unsafe sex the rule.
The reason for the sex addiction is the same as any other addiction, to no longer feel the emotional pain that is the cause for the addiction.
Toward the end of this article Ms. Bykofsky quotes Ley saying that there are no known “cures” for sex addiction, though Seikel is quoted as saying that cognitive behavioral therapy is useful to lessen the symptoms.
After working with sexually addicted clients for over 10 years now, I can honestly say that they can fully overcome this problem with the help of hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming. They can let go of the internet porn, stop the chasing after empty sexual relations while learning how to create healthy boundaries leading to healthy relationships. Cognitive behavioral therapy is not among the treatments I use, because there is no need for it. The healing happens when the ability to love one’s self is achieved, letting go of their addiction, along with a fulfilling their “compelling future,” which for sex addicts is usually being able to achieve a meaningful, loving and trust worthy relationship with a significant other.
I wrote a book about this subject “Do I Have A Sex Addiction? Now What? Based on my clinical experience working with my clients. My clients who taught me everything I needed to learn to help them heal completely, no longer interested in any sort of empty sexual encounters or over doing the masturbation.
If you want to check out Melissa Bykofsky’s areticle, you can find it here.
https://www.yahoo.com/health/what-its-like-to-be-a-sex-addict-122891152142.html
Aug 03 2015
105:Understand Your Emotions Are There to Help You
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Every emotion has a purpose. Learn more about the driving forces behind our emotions.
Jul 30 2015
You Have Your Own Self-Determination If You Choose
You Have Your Own Self-Determination If You Choose – Vol. 320, July 30
Many people would love to blame their parents for the difficulties that they have experienced in life. However, it is clear from research that has been done over the years that twins separated at birth growing up in very different circumstances economically speaking, one in the city and one raised in the country, show that 55% of our behavior is based on environment and 45% is based on our genetics.
What is also interesting is that many people seem to have repeated some of the same problems that their parents have had once they have grown up. This according to Mark Manson who wrote a very interesting article on the subject called It’s Not All Your Parents Fault.
I would have to agree with Mr. Manson’s notion that kids can be damaged by abuse as well as being over protected. I have had clients that have fallen into both of these situations who have had some very challenging issues to overcome as a result.
What you need to understand is that at some point, each and every one of us is responsible for ourselves. That means, that it is up to each one of us to seek the understanding that we need to have to forgive those who have harmed us, including ourselves. It is up to us to find ways to compensate for those areas in life that we need to find more workable solutions to have a better life. And, is up to each of us to learn how to find the best in ourselves and live our life from that perspective.
Because in the end, we can blame our parents for all our troubles, but doing so will never allow us to live peaceful, contented and fulfilled lives. All blaming our parents does is bring about anger and resentment, which is the emotional cover for pain being felt. To release this pain, we need to understand it for what it is. It is our inner child feeling the upset of not having all our needs being taken care of which can be healed.
So, what do you do to handle this situation. You find yourself a mental health professional who knows how to help you to heal yourself, because doing this on one’s own is rather difficult. You could start by writing a journal and doing a list of gratitudes every day. However, to truly shift your perspective from blame and anger to understanding and inner peace, a professional would be warranted.
Here is the link to the article Mark Manson wrote. He’s a bit more assertive with his explanation than I have been.
Jul 27 2015
104:Follow Your Inner Wisdom
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:33 — 9.7MB)
We’re all had that gut feeling that warns us away from something. Learn in more detail why you should listen to it.