Vol. 72, January 2009- Internet Porn and Sexual Compulsion, What is Driving it and What can be Done About It?
Over the past few years I have been working with men who call themselves sexual compulsives. The reason being is that they are always thinking about it, on the web looking at internet porn sites or looking for woman who will give them some relief. In many cases it is distracting them from more productive use of their time and creating issues in their relationships with their significant other if they have one. In many cases they do not, because they do not know how to be in a long term relationship with another. These men look like any body else you may know and many are professionals.
Experts believe that between 6 and 10% of the American public experiences real problems with sexual compulsivity or inappropriate sexual expression. Sexual compulsion is like many other forms of compulsion including eating disorders and drug and alcohol abuse: a destructive expression or what would other wise be a normal activity of life. The thing that makes it a compulsion is the inability of the person to control their sexual actions. In my clients the need for arousal is more important than the need for any sort of intimacy. I have also noticed in my practice that about 80% of the men who come in with this problem have some sort of sexual abuse in their history, usually before they were sexually active themselves. This creates a feeling of inferiority and shame. In about 30% of my cases the sexual abuse was done by some relative that was older then them. In another 30% it started out innocently enough by “playing doctor” with the opposite gendered sibling that went on for many years, sometimes into the late teens and early 20’s. In none of these cases did the client speak with the person about the abuse or about the long term sexual relations they had with their siblings after the fact. About half of the men who have come in to see me have tried therapy of one kind or another, but it did not work. About half of them have tried SLAA the 12-step program for sexual compulsives and found no help there either.
Here are some statistics that are useful when looking at this group as a whole, taken from Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. who did a study filled out by sex addicts who had been admitted for treatment to a Minnesota hospital or had spent at least three years in a 12-step program for sexual addiction. He had 752 male and 180 females. 63% were heterosexual, 18% were homosexual, 11% were bisexual and 8% were unsure of their sexual preference.
Loss of self-esteem was reported by 97%, 96% reported feeling guilt or shame, 91% had feelings of hopelessness and 90% stated they were acting in ways that went against their own values. 81% reported a history of sexual abuse and 42% also had a dependency on drugs or alcohol. Eating disorders were involved in 38%.
There is a biochemical reason according to Carnes and others as to why the addictive behavior happens. It is because the sensation of orgasm originates in you mind, in the form of neurotransmitters which happen in the limbic system where emotions, desires, drives and impulses occur. What happens is that over a period of time, an addiction lowers the dopamine level which creates a sense that “something is missing” which is the basis of addictive behavior. The addict learns that this behavior creates a higher than average response which may be the trigger to a feeling of relief from the low dopamine level.
Mark Kastleman in his article, “How Internet Pornographers Market to Men vs. Women” explains that the male brain responds with more intensity and speed with visual stimuli then woman do. With this known the internet pornographers use every sort of visual media available to lure in the male viewers. Men also tend to be attracted to anonymous, nude females for sex with their total focus on the physical act of sex. With 20 times the testosterone in males than females they like to see things done to the females with the male dominating. These images have no connection to love, romance or passion. The main idea is for the more cellular memory the pornographers can link to their porn throughout the male brain and body, the greater chance they have of addicting their viewers. The more naturally occurring the testosterone, adrenaline and hormones flow through the viewer the more intense the arousal, the more deeply the images will be imprinted in his memory the greater the addiction. The pornographers want the male to bring himself to completion with his sexual act. The problem with this is that the men no longer want to create the intimacy of a real relationship because the porn is there 24 hours a day giving them exactly what they desire without any thing they have to do but please themselves. This can happen with or without a mate involved.
According to Mark Roinett, MFT, there are stages to the sexual addiction cycle. The first stage is the “pain agent”, which begins the cycle of addiction. They then go into the second stage which is dissociation to separate self from feelings. If nothing is done at this stage then the person goes into an altered state, a trance state where the person starts acting out the by making a phone call to a sex line or to find a woman to physically release himself sexually with. The next stage is the behavior itself and the final stage is the time that elapses till the next “pain agent” comes around to start the cycle over again.
Roinett believes that it is necessary to dissolve the problem by the first stage where the “pain agent” is to be understood. This is the cause of the problem. He goes on to suggest that if it is not caught in that stage it can be dealt with during the dissociation phase, but after that stage it becomes more difficult to deal with the problem at hand.
As a hypnotist it is interesting to note that a “trance” state is indeed a part of the process. If you are a person who suffers with this problem I have found that the problem can be expeditiously taken care of by using the power of the unconscious mind. While in the state of trance you can come to understand how it is that you came to be the way you are. I have found that desensitizing trauma, forgiveness work, along with suggestive therapy around letting go of the addiction are very potent means to rid my clients of their sexual compulsions.
If you are interested in using hypnosis as a means to rid your self or someone you know with this problem make sure that the person you employ has had success in handling these cases. It is also helpful if they have some understanding of neuro-linguistic programming as well. You can find this out by checking out their websites for writings about this subject as well as testimonials from their clients that have been able to let go of this particular problem.
Do I have a Sex Addiction? Now What?
Do you suspect that either you or a loved one might have a Sex or Porn Addiction? Find out for sure as well as the best ways to treat Sex and Porn Addiction in "Do I have a Sex Addiction? Now What?", currently available from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store
Do I have a Sex Addiction? Now What?
About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.