This was a question that a person on Quora asked me. This is something that many people could use more insight to better understand. This is how I answered the question:
To tell you the truth most people have no idea how their actions and ignorant statements affect others, you and me included.
My standard way of helping myself and my clients deal with this situation is to call the person and let them know that you would like to get together in person because you have some things you would like to share with them (do it in person if you can – if they are too far away geographically use a video call with Facetime, Whatsapp, IMO, etc. Set up a time with them to meet. If possible meet in a place that is objective meaning a park or restaurant – not either of your homes.
When they are there you start by telling them in this exact language:
Thank you so much for meeting me today. I have some things that I would like to share with you. I am certain that you have no idea that you are doing “A, B and C and when you do these things it makes me feel “F”. I would really appreciate it if you did ‘x, Y, and Z instead.”
With this wording you are not attacking them or blaming them for how you feel. Instead you are letting them know that they are doing some things that they may not be aware of (giving them the benefit of doubt) and letting them know how it is making you ‘feel’ because feelings just are, there is nothing anyone can do about them. You are politely asking them to act in a different manner and if they are capable of doing so, you will have a much stronger relationship no longer carrying negative feelings about these events.
It may take the person a few times to be able to shift their behavior because most behavior is unconscious anyway. However, if they are argumentative with you or unable to shift it because not all people can or want to – it’s time to find yourself another person to hang around. This includes relatives and partners who know the best how to trigger us.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.