How To Tell Someone to Stop Complaining, ”Suck it Up, It’s Meaningless?” – Vol. 519, October 17, 2019
This was a question that a person on Quora asked me and this is how I answered them:
It is unfortunate that you didn’t give any context to this particular question because there are indeed those times when people seem to make a lot out of very little. After working with clients who have suffered terrible traumas, and successfully healed them, it is amazing to me how some people can just hold onto some crap for decades instead of dealing with it, letting it go and moving on. Life is too short to be angry, feeling guilt or shame over things that go back to one’s childhood. Unfortunately, from the work that I do as a hypnotist, some people do indeed create all sorts of anxiety, depression and substance abuse issues over these seemingly small issues. Everyone has their own tolerance for such things, and much of it has to do with how old one was when they experienced the ‘hurt.’ The younger one is, the more impactful it is going to be, this being the way our minds are created.
The way that I deal with those who are complaining about trite stuff – (friends and family) is that I will allow them to vent a few times. Being a hypnotist, if there is something that I can do to help them to let the issue go, I will ask if they would like me to do that with them and that usually solves the problem. However, if the person is not open to that, I stop hanging out with them. I don’t have the time or desire to be around them. I don’t tell them to ‘suck it up.” I just don’t have time to spend with them moving forward. For those who hire me to work with them, we work through their issues so that they can let it go and have more contented and fulfilled lives minus the issue.
However, there are those people who have really gone through a difficult time be it losing someone close to them (and sometimes this can even be animals that they loved for years that died), failed at some goal that was important to them, lost a job, or perhaps are dealing with a real mental health or physical health issue of their own or are having to deal with someone who is close to them that is going through it. In that case, it is a matter of being willing to allow them to vent and helping out if you can. One needs to monitor the amount of time spent with that person because the reality is that it isn’t a friend or relative’s job to play ‘therapist’ – that can cause all sorts of worse problems. In that case, telling them that though you love and care for them, you really are not qualified to help them out and that perhaps they would do well to seek out a professional to help them through their difficult time.
I had a client years ago who found herself in this situation. Her friend was an acupuncturist practicing in Southern Virginia yet had a drug problem. If her licensing association found out she would have lost her license. So, my client referred her to a professional she knew to help her overcome this issue.
Thanks for the question. I do believe it will help many others to understand the nuances involved in human interactions. One person’s trite situation may be another person’s trauma!
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.