How to Show Someone You Really Appreciate Them – Vol. 460, July 26, 2018
It is so easy for people to say that they love someone, only to have them say mean, degrading things when they get upset.
This morning I was listening to a Wayne Dyer recording where he was sharing how his marriage started to break down. The reason for this in his case was that he and his wife would continually argue over the ‘minutia” of life. In other words, they continued to let the little things that each did bother one another. His main teaching was to let go of the ‘minutia’ and focus on those things in the relationship that made it feel very special.
John Gray, Ph.D., author of “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” is very clear that the best way to keep a relationship happy, is for the man to do those things that would make his woman happy, and for the woman to show her happiness for his doing those things.
Lately, I haven’t been in the best of emotional spaces to be quite frank. I did my best to help a friend for over 9 months to have him go from being relatively healthy after an eight-day hospital stay, to the depths of alcoholism, falling into an alcoholic coma. I found him unresponsive when I went to give him his morning pills, and couldn’t get him to respond to me. I totally understand why he would end up in this situation given his really bad arthritic hip pain, barely allowing him to walk, losing some close friends lately, and realizing that he won’t be going to Europe any time soon if ever, given that he couldn’t even drive himself an hour away to one of the areas in Connecticut that he truly loved driving through. To put it simply, his world was shrinking very quickly.
I was asked to leave his house, which on the one the one hand felt crappy after all the work that I put in on his behalf, not just the medical care, but also lots of home care. On the other hand, it was the right thing to do, because as his friend told me, it would only be more of the same when he returned from getting rehabbed off the alcohol at some point later. Also, to be sure, as an alcoholic, drinking without eating much of anything, he was very rude and demeaning at times, making the environment less than healthy for me. So, it was time to move on.
There is a very important learning in all of this, which is that we can’t really be involved in unhealthy relationships where the time and effort that is put in is not respected. But, on the hand, we can’t really blame sick people for being sick. As Wayne Dyer spoke of in a different part of the recording, one can only expect alcoholics to act like the alcoholics they are. To expect something different is a delusion.
So, I was invited to Vermont for a few days to hang out on the land there. I actually stayed in a very nice tent, upon a high platform, in the woods on the grounds of a friend of the guy who invited me. The most important aspect of that time was being in nature. Looking at the amazing mountains and pastures all around me. Noticing the butterflies flying around in the high grasses. And, most of all the kindness of the gentleman who invited me. He had these super soulful eyes and a great belief in living off the land and off the grid. He did manual labor jobs, yet with a degree in mechanical engineering, there was little that he couldn’t do with his hands.
He kept that camp clean and neat made only organic food and spoke to me about all the cool things that he learned on his travels around the world for five years. Mainly, he learned shamanic healing techniques, using the natural oils and other things to heal just about anything.
It would be hard to speak about to more opposite people, living in such different ways. One who had everything and then some. The other who was doing without not wanting to leave an imprint on the earth – or at least as small as was possible, always grateful to the earth for what it gave him. Freedom was his number one value, never wanting to do anything that would take that away.
I couldn’t live as he does, up there on the land, without the modern conveniences for very long, but it did indeed bring me back to a place where I could think back on the great learnings from all the losses of late. My mother, who let me know that even with a tumultuous life given all her mental illness, was able to condense her life into a sentence, “I had two wonderful marriages and had fun raising my kids.” From my college friend Richard, it was all about dealing with the emotional pain as it comes up, to keep physical illness away. He was so upset, angry, and frustrated at the people in his life, that he made himself very ill over it, and died on the operating table as the surgeon was putting a stent in his heart. He died of heartbreak really. And then there was the gentleman in Connecticut, who was unable to care for himself, regardless of all the wealth he had, all the possessions. None of it was enough to fill his soul with true love and light for himself, or he wouldn’t have continuously done things to harm himself, unable to realize when he was so sick he needed medical attention. So sad, yet so true.
One learns what matters in life when one takes the time to assess what moves a person to action or inaction. One learns what true appreciation is when one is truly appreciated for who they are. I wrote in my weblog last week about a woman who was in a training that I was in, who called me for assistance in regards to her “feeling low” and irritable, needing some input from someone she trusted because her brain wasn’t working normally with the depressed feelings. I called her and we figured out the likely culprit for her feeling “low” and irritable. It took about 5 minutes to assess. She is going to see her endocrinologist today or tomorrow to get her insulin adjusted. Because, as I told her quite assertively, that she was the one responsible for taking care of her illness, diabetes, which was the same illness that caused the heart problems in my college friend that took his life so early.
So, if you truly appreciate people, treat them well. Listen to what they have to say. Only give advice if asked, otherwise just validate their feelings. And, you may be surprised at how others treat you in a similar way, allowing you to feel appreciated for who you are, in spite of your human imperfections.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.