How Can I Stop Talking Over People? How Can I Better Listen to Others? -Vol. 524 – November 21, 2019 –
This was yet another great question that was asked by a Quoran who really asked it in this way:
How can I control myself? I can’t stop talking and talking over people. I know this is rude, annoying and not conducive to a new group project involving teamwork. I need to learn how to listen, but how?
This is what I wrote in answer:
Man, can I relate! I was so bad about this coming from a family with 5 kids!
First, conversations have a natural flow, and sometimes you have a thought as a result of what someone said, so you want to interject it. On those occasions use what one of m friends does and say something like, “You said something important there. I want to respond to it before I forget my thought.”
Sometimes, we need to realize that if we do all the talking, it’s only a monologue, which is NOT a conversation. The best way I found to deal with that was to allow the other person to talk first then shut up till they have finished their sentence. It takes practice to learn to be patient especially if your mind works much quicker than the person you are talking to, yet well worth the effort to learn this patience. My ex provided this practice for me as he took forever to say anything always wanting it to come out perfectly, and all I wanted was for him to get to the point.
Lastly, never give advice, offer suggestions. People like suggestions, they never like to be told what to do.
If you want to develop deep relationships with others it is uber important to learn how to have meaningful dialogue. Think before you say a thing, and that will slow you down.
Also, ask questions of the other person and wait for their complete answer. That will force you to slow down while becoming much more interesting to the person you are talking to since the most favorite topic is themselves.
Lastly, understand that by interrupting, you are most likely going to jump to an incorrect conclusion not having allowed the person to finish their comment, which can cause many needless arguments.
Have fun creating your new conversational style. It works a whole lot better the cutting people off. I know, having been where you are now!
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.