Dealing With Toxic Parents – June 10, 2021
I have been working with a client who has been going through a very difficult time because his mother never can speak to him in a civil manner. She finds many different ways to blame him for things that he has never done, talks to him as if he is a child instead of an adult who has his own successful business, just knowing how to get under his skin.
The reason for this particular situation is because his mother is an alcoholic who is never under the influence, even while in a therapy session with her therapist and my client. Alcohol is a substance that allows for the inaction of the part of the brain that would stop the impulses that could cause problems. So, many times people under the influence can say many hurtful things to others. To make things worse, most of the time there is absolutely no memory of these things being said by the alcoholic.
So, how does one deal with a parent with this condition. Well, it is easier for someone who is living out on their own who can limit the interactions and even the manner in which the interactions could be done. In the case of my client I brought out the reality that his mother was never going to be able to interact with him in a humble and loving manner, not because she did not want to, rather because she is dealing with an illness that will not allow her to act in such a manner toward him. Till she makes the decision to overcome her abuse of alcohol, nothing is going to change. This is true of anyone who is dealing with a person who has not only alcohol issues, but anyone with substance abuse and addition issues where the substance is really causing the brain to dysfunction. With that in mind, I told him to stop the emotional harm to himself by texting her every so often to see that she is still alive and to just note that she responded, without necessarily reading her response because her responses trigger him as well. However, it is an easier way to deal with the situation since he won’t have to recall the image of her or the tone of voice being used which would be the case either over the phone or in person. He found that even with the therapist there to help advocate for him, it was still a very difficult experience. However, the more important knowledge he gained, was that his mother was toxic to him and though it saddens him, that it is best for him to do what he can for his own mental health since she has made the decision to continue her drinking.
For a younger person who is living in a parents home who has this problem, the best way to deal with it is to spend as little time in the environment with the alcoholic as possible. Find all sorts of after school activities to be involved with and hang out with your friends during the weekend as much as you can. Perhaps you have a friend that has parents whom you trust and in whose home you feel safe – make that your safe haven.
Learning: These are never easy situations to contend with, however the most important thing that one needs to know while dealing with parents with substance abuse or addictions is that they have a serious health problem that shows up in emotionally dysfunctional ways. To separate yourself from the person because their problem is NOT your problem – meaning that you did not cause their problem. And, to recognize the fact that there is really nothing you can do to change them – they have to make that choice on their own. So, it is in your best interest to separate yourself from them to the best of your ability given your particular circumstances. The positive outcome for many in this situation is that they realize that they would rather not have any association with mind altering substances knowing the outcome having lived through that of a loved one.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.