Couples, Stop Your Arguing For Your Health

Couples, Stop Your Arguing, For Your Health,  Vol. 470, October 4, 2018

Relationships can hurt you if you are creating a lot of stress through regular arguments, especially if you suffer from a chronic condition like arthritis or diabetes. This according to a new study by the researchers at Penn State. Here is some advise that was given by Tana Amen, in her blog to help you to take control of both your relationship and your health:

1. Take responsibility for yourself by continually asking what you can do to make the relationship better. This means being empowered to make necessary changes regardless of fault. 

2. Empathy for the other person, meaning the ability to feel what others feel. When you experience negative behavior ask yourself these three questions:

1. Did I do anything to cause it?
2. What is going on with the other person?
3. What small thing could I do to make things better now?

3. Active Listening to check the meaning of the message by asking:

1. “I’m not sure I understand what you said, Did you say…?”
2. “Did I understand you correctly, Are you saying…?

4. Assertiveness by expressing your thoughts and feelings in a firm, yet reasonable way, without allowing others to overrun your boundaries. Remember that anger usually occurs in the absence of respect.

5. Time is required for relationships to grow. This means talking to one another eye-to-eye, soul-to-soul with cell phones off. 

6. Inquire into the thoughts that make you suffer from hurt. Tana suggests writing down those things that your spouse has done that hurt you and then ask if it is true. Also, it is most important to turn the question around on yourself and ask yourself if you are guilty of the same behavior. You may find that you are just as guilty as your partner.

7. Noticing what you like more then what you don’t, meaning that you are focusing on the behaviors that you like. If your spouse does something special for you, acknowledge it and show gratitude to your spouse for doing the special action. My ex used to make me tea every morning, and I very much appreciated it for example. 

8. Grace & forgiveness, for holding onto anger and hurts will increase the stress hormones that have negative health effects in numerous ways. Ask yourself if the item that you are holding the grudge for, is something that really matters in the context of your whole life’s experience. If not, let it go, by focusing on something more important, making it something positive if possible.

I can tell you from the many couples that I have worked with over the years, that many issues are resolvable with a bit of empathy and forgiveness. In those cases where the relationship has been destructive for many years, it becomes apparent in that there really is no longer any love left, living more as roommates then as a couple. In the worse cases, manipulative and destructive behaviors were occurring. 

Be real with your assessment of what is going on. If it is fixable, do what you can to heal. If it is obvious that you are unhappy and have been unhappy for a very long time, perhaps it is time to move on. 

About Suzanne

Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.

Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.

She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.

Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.

Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.

Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.