Boundaries: Do You Overrun Other Peoples’ Boundaries Or Allow Others To Overrun Yours? Vol. 357, April 14, 2016
This past weekend I went to a training based on shifting the inner mind from scarcity to abundance. It was an intensive few days. However, what I would like to speak about is a particular woman who just couldn’t respect my boundaries and apparently others as well. I tell you this story so that you can have a better idea of how to deal with these types of situations should they come up in your life.
I am speaking to a gentleman that I met the previous night at the event. I had saved a seat for him and just wanted him to know where it was. He didn’t ask me to do this for him, but I was under the impression, wrongly, that we were going to continue from where we left off the previous day.
Now, as I was speaking to this gentleman, another woman came up and asked me my name and what I did professionally. So, I told her. Next she makes some sort of ignorant useless comment as she writes something on my business card and then she puts her body right between me and the gentleman I was speaking to, blocking me from him. Yes, indeed my buttons were pushed, so I just told him where I was sitting and that when he was done to come over.
Later on that day, this same gentleman introduced me to another gentleman he thought could help me out. This man indeed did have some very important information about where I could make some impressive contacts to help my business grow. As we were speaking, this same woman came up to the two of us and this gentleman did something completely different than the first. He acknowledged her and then told her, that he was busy doing business here and that she was interrupting us. He moved his body in such a way as to turn his back on her, telling her to go away, which she promptly did.
I am at the counter of the cafe at the hotel waiting for my meal. This woman comes up to me again to tell me that my energy was wrong and that I was too chaotic, though she used a different word. She then went on to tell me I was a coach and coaches don’t act in that way. I cut her off telling her that I wasn’t a coach and that I didn’t give a damn what she thought about the way I held myself since I never asked her opinion in the first place. She stalks off pissed off at me. I go back to her as she is waving me off and tell her that she had crossed my boundaries twice already before this time and that my life and my career were none of her business and to keep her thoughts to herself where they belong.
I am in front of the guy who took my meal order when he tells me that this same woman had caused a lot of problems the previous day with other people.
This is what I want you to understand especially if you believe that you are a “healer” a “coach” a “psychic” or a “trainer” – a professional that people pay you a lot of money to work with: If you are not asked for your opinion, for your advise, you have no business giving it – that is unless you have a compliment to give – period! To do otherwise is breaking another’s boundaries . If you are lucky that person will tell you to shut the hell up and to get out of their face and take that for what it means.
Secondly, if you are at a gathering, at a training or a networking event – if you see two or more people are speaking, give them the respect to conduct their business. If you weren’t a known entity before that encounter, you have no business involving yourself at all. It is rude and intrusive to place yourself there, especially if you are a woman who needs the attention of men to make yourself feel good. Look, unless that man knows you and cares about you, throwing yourself at men, is not going to bring you anything of value. What it will do is cheapen whatever it may have been that you could have brought. Because you are showing the lack of self-confidence and lack of self-respect by doing this, especially at a professional event.
You men who love women swooning all over you, check it out as to why this should be anything but a distraction from the best “you” that you can be. Have a bit more respect for yourself and invite the woman to leave your presence in a classy manner as the second gentleman I spoke about was easily able to do, because he had the dignity to do so.
Lastly, if you are a gentleman and you meet a woman who you feel is sexually attractive to you, by all means keep your arms and tongue to yourself. Inside of a 10 minute meeting, a weekend of training or whatever, does not a relationship of this magnitude make. I actually had a guy grab me and shove his tongue down my throat, as if that was going to be a turn on for me. Hell, I am not even interested in dating anyone right now. I have had it with the men my age and older thinking that my world rotates around their issues with their families, their ex’s running off with all their money (even if their ex-spouse did raise their kids for them) and their lack of ability to be the leaders that true men are.
Men, I have no interest in your weaknesses, or your sad stories. God knows I have enough of my own, however, for whatever reason I don’t sit here feeling sorry for myself – hell no. Why? Because of my mission of working toward saving our kids lives – because too many are committing suicide, either quickly with hanging or shooting themselves, or slowly by eating disorders and drug addictions, to be very concerned about whatever the past hurst, illnesses or whatever else I could blame for whatever difficulties I may have had. No, there is no time for that crap. What there is time for is learning from those experiences and helping the young ones to love and respect themselves, while helping them figure out what truly matters to them in this life. That is what matters.
So, get over yourself and your selfish and ill placed agendas, and instead take a clear look at the way the world outside you sees you and your behavior, and by all means respect your own boundaries so you will stop overrunning others boundaries.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.