Would it Be Better to Have a Psychologist Whose Personality is Identical or Distinct From Your Own? -Vol. 523 – November 14, 2019
This was another question that was asked by a person on Quora which I believe was an excellent one to ask. Many times I have people ask me on Quora how they know they have the correct therapist for them. Here is the way that I answered the question:
Your question is looking at the wrong aspects of what allows for a great therapeutic relationship.
It is much more important for your psychologist to be able to engage with you in a fashion that forces you to be ‘real’ with yourself while being able to give you tools and techniques to overcome whatever issues you are employing them to help you with. So, the style of interaction is what matters.
I have had people with so many different personality types over the years that it would be impossible to put them into any sort of category. However, what all the successful clients had in commons was the willingness ‘to do whatever it takes’ to heal. This meant doing the homework that was given timely, spending their session time engaging in the processes that we were doing and being willing to be open with me about anything that confused or upset them about which we were doing or if I was putting my foot in my mouth – something that I can be very good at doing at times. Hey, I am only human!
So, get an appointment with a psychologist and see how it feels for you. See if you are comfortable with the way the psychologist engages with you, and most of all that the psychologist while taking your issues seriously will never allow you to manipulate hi/her because that will only keep you experiencing the same issues that brought you their office.
RED FLAGS:
A psychologist that tells you what you think or feel – which is impossible. It is fine for them to ask you if they are understanding you correctly, but NEVER EVER to tell you what you think and feel.
Treating you like you are a lot younger than you are in age. Their job is to help you to behave in an age-appropriate manner, not infantilize you in the process.
To have the ‘need to be needed’ attitude that many in the field have where their self-worth is tied up in your and their other patients needing to help you to feel worthy.
To be abusive to you in any way – that doesn’t mean that they cannot be stern with you if it is called for. I had to be stern (holding them accountable for their own negative behaviors) with every addict and eating disordered client I ever treated – however, that is different than being abusive to them.
Having them take ‘at’ you instead of ‘to’ you.
Never having anything of value to add to your understanding of how to shift into the thoughts and behaviors that will better serve you.
Lastly, no mental health professional can keep you as a patient any longer then you choose to work with them unless you were court-ordered to have psychotherapy done. It is within your rights to ask for your own records as well. Many may give you a hard time, but these are YOUR records and you have every right to them. You may have to pay to have them copied for you, but it is worth it if you feel the need to have a copy in the first place.
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About Suzanne
Suzanne Kellner-Zinck founded Dawning Visions Hypnosis in 2002, She has become an innovator in the use of hypnotism and neuro-linguistic programming in the areas of obsessive compulsive disorders such as: eating disorders, sexual addiction and substance abuse as well as working with those with anxiety and mood disorders.
Her clients have come to work with her from across the United States and as far away as Africa to help them to finally be freed from these emotional issues that once ruled their lives. Today she is in the process of bringing her work to many more in the form of ebooks and other downloadable formats.
She is a member of American Holistic Medical Association and the American College for Advancement in Medicine.
Prior to founding Dawning Visions Hypnosis, Kellner-Zinck worked within vendor programs for the mentally ill working to help them to live up to their fullest potential. Many of her previous clients were able to move out on their own and find fulfilling work.
Kellner-Zinck is a Certified Trainer of Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic programing through Tad James Company, Inc. and a Master Hypnotist and Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming through Advanced Neuro Dynamics. She holds a bachelor’s degree in education and political studies from Curry College.
Dawning Visions Hypnosis is teaching people that they can indeed leave their unwanted behaviors behind as they move forward to living fulfilling and joy filled lives.