There are many people out there who claim to be relationship coaches, though it is my belief that John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is the original. I have been studying John Gray, Ph.D.’s work since I interviewed him a few months ago because he raises many important ideas that are getting lost in today’s society. John’s main premise is that men and women are biologically different which means that we need to better understand how the opposite gender operates to better communicate.
Men feel good when they have high levels of testosterone, it lowering their stress.To achieve this men must be able to relax. When he gets home from work, he is tired, his testosterone level as declined, requiring him to go “into his cave” where he can watch television and relax, He needs to take the time to be alone without the need to do any more problem solving. This allows him time to rebuild his testosterone levels. So, women, give your man his time to do this for at least a half hour after getting home and then he will be ready to problem solve for you or romance you.
Women need to interact with others to build up their calming feel good, loving hormone oxytocin. This is why women are always wanting to talk to their partners upon seeing them. The nurturance that women naturally do in their families builds up their oxytocin, the “love” hormone,” unless they are giving too much time to others without getting their needs and desires fulfilled. In that case woman get tired and resentful, the oxytocin having declined. So, how do you go about making a happy relationship women? It is rather simple in the world of men. Brain research demonstrates that men use one part of their mind at a time so keep things simple and direct.
- If you want to talk to your man, let him know that you want 10 minutes to talk to him about your day, and keep to that time limit. Let him know that he doesn’t have to solve any problems, all he has to do is listen. Then be true to your word by walking away never asking him what he thinks. By doing this John says you are taking all the pressure off him to problem solve and allows him to focus his attention on you. This allows you to feel happy, which makes him feel happy, because all he wants is for you to be happy.
2. Ask directly for what you need. So if you are tired and don’t want to make dinner, simply tell your man that you are tired and don’t want to make dinner. If you give him a suggestion as to where you would like to go for dinner, that would make it very easy for him to please you since he won’t have to problem solve where to take you to dinner.
3. If you want your man to take you on a date, tell him that you want him to take you on a date. Make it easy for him by giving him three suggestions allowing him to pick the one he would like to do with you and ask him to set it up. This will allow him to make the plans and be assured once again that he is making you happy. About three days before the date, ask your man if he has made the plans. This can be used as a reminder to him to make the plans. This is important because according to John, many men tend to procrastinate on these sorts of things, so giving him the reminder is helpful to him.
Your man wants to make you happy, so do those things that make it easy for him to succeed in making you happy. Remember that simple direct communication is best. Give him a time limit of how long you will be speaking to him and let him know that he needn’t solve any problems. This will allow him to attend to what you are saying. By doing this you will feel loved and supported which is what any woman most desires from her man.
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