The Art Of Creating Great Relationships – Vol. 402, February 26, 2017
Over these past few weeks, I have heard myself say that I have been blessed with some of the best relationships anyone could hope to have. So, I thought that perhaps it would be a great idea to share how one develops great relationships.
The first thing that is necessary is for one to be authentically themselves. It is very difficult for anyone to feel close to someone who has a bunch of defenses up to protect them from emotional hurt. The people with those defenses up generally feel alone in the world, because there isn’t any feeling of closeness to anyone.
How do you authentically be yourself? It’s quite easy. First by recognizing that none of us is perfect, most certainly ourself. Once this is understood, it becomes much easier to accept others for who they are, understanding their idiosyncrasies for what they are, even if at times they can be annoying. We all have them, so best to just appreciate them for what they are.
Second, when you are with other people, really be present with them. Turn off your phones, look them in the eye as you speak with them. If you are on the phone, be present to the conversation. I bet you know the difference between when someone is really there with you and when they are multitasking. Few people get enough real time with anyone these days, so this is the greatest gift you can give.
Third, if you notice that there is something that you can do to help a person’s life be a bit easier go ahead and offer to do that thing for them. I did this with my present landlady, after hearing from her how so many of her older relatives and the not so old ones were having many complications due to diabetes. I also noted while we were out to eat, how often she would go for pancakes with high fructose corn syrup, all very bad for her type 2 diabetes. So, what did I do? I offered to go shopping with her and make her food that would be much better for her health. She took me up on that offer and has much appreciated it. I get something out of it too, with food paid for and great food I wouldn’t take the time to make for just myself. So, these can indeed be win-win situations.
Fourth, by not having to always be right about everything. There are few things that upset me more then when someone is trying to dump their opinions down my throat. Opinions are just that, opinions, and we are all allowed to have our own. Sometimes when discussing issues, minds can be changed. However, that will only be done with a respectful airing of the different perspectives.
Five, be available to help out when a friend calls and is in real need. I do believe that I have as much support as I do, because I have never been one to shy away from being there when someone really needed me. It could be anything from babysitting my Godchild and his sister to dealing with some crisis someone close to me was dealing with. Sometimes there were tough conversations that had to be dealt with, and other times there were moves that had to occur. Much of it was not particularly fun, some of it down right difficult, and yet, being there when most needed is what true friendship is about. Anyone can be there for the fun times, few are there during the hardest and most challenging of times. I do believe that because I have always put myself out for others when the situation warranted it, that others have put themselves out for me when I asked. And, that is another secret. Don’t expect people to just know that you need them. Most people are not mind readers. You need to ask specifically for what you need, and then you may just find you receive it.
Six, drop the judgmental attitudes. I don’t know what it is about people. So many believe that they know what is correct for other people even though they have no idea what is going on behind closed doors, or perhaps what the larger picture is that is going on there. In order to be a good friend, it is your job to listen and then give the best guidance you can. If at all possible to validate the feelings of the person who is entrusting you with the knowledge about their situation. You may not agree, and that is fine, just keep judgment out of it, unless you know that there is something that they need to know that would be in their best interest. In that case, ask if they are interested in having some suggestions and only then, give them the suggestions.
Seven, do your best every day to be your best. That doesn’t mean that every day you will be great, far from it. All it means is that you are doing the best you can with whatever the concerns are that you have. If you say or do something that is less then agreeable to someone else, have the self-respect to apologize and ask what you can do to make it up to them. Since we are human beings relating to one another, most of us realize that anyone can have a bad day, put their foot in their mouth or lose it. So long as you acknowledge your own behavior, most people will forgive you and move on.
Eighth, and this is the most important of all: stop beating yourself up for not being perfect or not knowing things you couldn’t know. When one does this, it shows by the acceptance of others for who they really are.
Great relationships are formed over time, with demonstrated trust and respect, love and compassion for one another. Love to me is demonstrated simply by caring about others and being interested in their lives. In this world where too many people are more interested in what they can gain from others, showing interest and caring, compassion and trust, are deeply needed and wanted by those who you call your friends and family.
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul is a book of essays based on the wisdom gained through those who have touched me through my own journey in life. Purchase an inspiring copy today from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store.Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
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