May 21 2015

Stop Believing That Your Value Depends on Other Peoples’ Opinions Of You

beyouVol. 310, May 21, 2015 – Stop Believing That Your Value Depends on Other Peoples’ Opinions Of You


Today’s weblog is based on a learning that I received from Karen Berg of the Kabbalah Centre which I feel is useful for all of us to consider. Kabbalist share the belief that we who practice NLP do; that we are “at cause” for everything that happens in our lives. Kabbalah being a spiritual practice, we need to recognize that Kabbalist work with the light of the “Creator” (what some of you would call God) that they believe resides in each of us. This being the case, it is up to us to give up any and all feelings of “victimhood” by realizing that we are in control of what we experience in life.

The important idea for you to understand whether or not you believe in God, is that you need to let go of what I call the “id – ego” based on Freud’s idea of the id being the child self wanting everything now, without regard to what is realistic. The id gets hurt very easily, unable to understand the perspective of another. This is because we don’t automatically feel respect from other people.

So, when the Kabbalist speak of the “ego” in the spiritual sense, they are really speaking about what we know as Freud’s definition of the id.

If you are an atheist the best way to accomplish this is to realize that everyone has their own perspective on any given situation. The best thing to do is to be empathetic to the other person’s reality. Are they having a hard time? Are they tired and irritable? Are they dealing with an illness that makes them feel uncomfortable or self-conscious? Did they just suffer a loss of a person or something dear to them?

It is by being willing to step into another’s shoes and show compassion that we are able to better deal with what may be going on with them.

That being said, our value as human beings needs to come from inside our selves from the way in which we live our lives. In fact all feelings of self-love, self-respect and self-worth need to come from that which is inside your own soul. If you are living a life that is based on being the best person you can be, in every area of your life, then there is no reason for you to be concerned about other peoples’ opinions. Those who share your values and beliefs will feel good about who you are as a person and show it. Those who don’t will most likely find fault with anyone because they are themselves miserable people unable to figure out how to love and respect themselves. This is the reason that some people are judgmental of others.

If you do have a spiritual belief where you believe the Creator, or God is inside you which comes from many spiritual practices with the understanding, “As above, as below,” then perhaps you would be able to willing to receive some spiritual guidance from Karen Berg in how we let go of other peoples’ opinions of us:


  1. Acknowledge that you are 100% responsible for everything that happens in your life.
  2. Petition the Creator to help you in this process.
  3. Meditate on the fact that your value comes from those things that you do that you believe are valuable.
  4. Infuse yourself with the Creator’s love that flows throughout the universe.
  5. Thank the Creator for allowing you to do this process.


I know for myself, that my own value isn’t based on what anyone thinks about me, rather the actions that I take every day to be the “stand” that I feel moved to be in those difficult decisions that come up more often than I might like. It is through the work that I do and the commitment to those who love me as I love them – those are the ways that I find value for myself. The beautiful thing about this life is that when you are present for others by taking a stand for them, more often than not, you will receive even more love and respect back for having done so. Because, it is that which we give the most of, that we receive the most back from. We don’t do it for this reason, we do it because it feels like the “right” thing to do. However, it is a very wonderful feeling to receive back this love and respect for the efforts we put out there into the world.

What happens if you fail to receive back the love and respect for the efforts you put out there? Well, as I said above, we don’t do it for what we receive back, we do it because it is the “right” thing to do, period. Living in this fashion allows you to respect and love yourself in a healthy manner. It is through this healthy self-love and respect that you are able to share yourself with others in the most transparent and meaningful way, bringing you lovely relationships upon which we humans require to be happy and fulfilled being the naturally social beings that we are, just like the ants and bees. It takes colonies to make their societies work, and it take whole communities to allow our societies to work, each of us with our own part to play.

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