Vol. 40, July 2006
Recently I had a gentleman call asking if I help people with obsessive compulsive behaviors. I asked him to explain what he was talking about so I could get a better idea of what was going on here. He explained that he was very upset with his behavior which followed his never ending thoughts of needing sexual stimulation. It started around ten years ago when his wife started drinking heavily on the weekends. Though he loves his wife and his three boys whom they raised together over the past 21 years, the sexual relationship between his wife and he has been long over.
It began with the idea of getting a bit of “sexual release” with phone sex which then turned to internet pornography. Soon the massage parlors were being visited for “happy ending’ massages. Next came the escort services. The guilt of it all was finally consuming him more than the release he felt from these activities. The monetary output was also quite high making it harder to finish paying for the college educations that were in process already.
When I first took the call and heard that the issue was sexual addiction I nearly hung the phone up. But there was a sincere sound of pain and disgust with him self so I let him continue to talk. About fifteen minutes into the conversation he started to tell me about these memories that he had of his older brother telling my client to do sexual favors for him. My client was only ten years old and his brother was fifteen at the time. He gets along alright with his brother now, but why was he having these memories come now?
It was at this point that I realized that there was something more to the case than a person who needed to know why he was doing these behaviors for he had no idea why he was. I told him that from what I was hearing he had a sexual addiction and certainly had some issues that needed to be cleared. I suggested he come in and we would do a detailed personal history and he could decide on what he wanted to do once we had all the information.
This gentleman had a father whom he loved though he became a drunk later in life. He had a sister who had become a drug addict and a grandfather who died of liver damage due to alcoholism. He himself had been placed in jail for driving under the influence while he was in his twenties, but had since stopped drinking due to an illness that put him in the hospital a few times over a period of six months. Obviously addictive behavior ran through his family.
I decided to clear the negative emotions and losses suffered. We also need to do some forgiveness work for those who had harmed him. This set the stage for his addiction sessions. I am happy to report that so far he is doing very well and really does not even think of going outside for any sort of sexual pleasures. He has figured out that there are other ways that he can fill the void without spending money on an activity that created a great amount of guilt while taking the financial resources that were needed to educate his sons who he loves more than anything. He stated that he is calmer and able to sleep at night now, while spending his new found time working on his rental property, learning more about real estate investment and enjoying his family.
Do I have a Sex Addiction? Now What?
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