May 02 2016
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 16:59 — 15.5MB)
The physical, social and emotional environment around us has such a large effect on us. Listen to Master Hypnotist Suzanne Kellner-Zinck thoughts on our environment and how it affects us.
Apr 28 2016
Over the past few months I have been working with a couple of super special teens. They both have been diagnosed with Asperger’s, though to tell you the truth, I just found out that this is a diagnosis that is no longer used (by Dr. Joel Schartz, who I interviewed for my Podcast “Claim Your Excellent Life” a few days ago on this very subject).
I also interviewed each of these two clients for my Podcast. Each of them had a ton to say about the way they felt they could be better if they were respected for who they were instead of feeling like they had to fit into a box they didn’t fit into. It was an interesting exercise to give them the mic and allow them to tell it the way they understand it.
So, what did we learn? Well, from Dr. Schartz I learned that people on the autism spectrum – the current way we are to “label” them – though I myself don’t really like labels generally speaking – are dealing with a lot of noise in their brains. Why? Because, instead of being able to concentrate on one sensory input like non-autism spectrum people, they are bombarded by all their senses all the time. This is why these folks tend to do things that calm them. The hyper attachment to some activity is their way to close off all the stimuli that they find overbearing and even painful to deal with. Dr. Schartz asks his autistic patients if there is anything that he needs to do to make the environment of his office better for them like: lowering the lighting, getting the trash out of the office if it is offensive to the heightened senses of his patients, or if the temperature in the room is comfortable for them. This is a very important aspect of allowing these folks to feel comfortable and if you weren’t aware of it, now you are.
Next, I learned that once the environment is settled and comfortable, autistic people can learn quite easily – so long as you teach to their way of thinking. How do you figure that out? By observing their responses and reactions to what you are asking them to do. By asking them what would work best for them.
Now, this is the most important information that I received from both my teen clients: If you want to be helpful to them, you must know how to listen to what they need. They are able to communicate that to you, if you would only listen, instead of deciding that you as the adult know better. I can tell you from my own work with all my clients, that a great amount of their problems they come to me with is due to the fact that no one validated their feelings, no one heard their request for help, instead doing what they thought would be of interest to the other. As one of my teen clients told me, just because I am good at making drawings and singing, doesn’t mean that I want to be enrolled in lessons for it. Maybe, I just want to be a kid, able to play in the dirt with my friends.
Another, thing my teen client told her mother while we were working together was that every time she asked for help, she wanted help with emotions, not the academics her parents were always helping her with.
If you are sick of nagging your kid, one of my teens gave great advise on this topic: tell them why it is important and perhaps give them something like some special one-on-one time together in return for their efforts. Most of all, if you tell your kid that you appreciate their efforts, you will find that they will be more compliant both in the chores around the home and most especially at school. Studies have been done that prove this out.
The most important thing that they both had to say was that they were upset that their parents were unable to help them in a way that was helpful to them. This was because they weren’t being able to be heard. These kids were endlessly frustrated by that which is expected of them to fit into a society that doesn’t understand how their mind works. So, here is the deal: allow your kid to be who they are, and respect that they are not you. They don’t necessarily share your values or interest and don’t need to. They are individuals with their own goals and values to be respected to the degree that these are productive and positive goals and values.
Lastly, do understand that our teens and college kids in general are under a lot of pressure. Sexuality is everywhere – and because kids don’t understand what it is, they are confused by it. Given that 1 in 3 females and 1 in 4 males will suffer sexual abuse, many times before they are old enough to even understand what it is, shame, guilt and frustration abound inside these kids minds. Depression and then addictions come up to not have to deal with these negative feelings.
It is our job as the adults in the world to better understand what is going on with the pressures our kids feel. To take off the pressures. Not every kid needs or wants to go to college to be successful. Today if you understand the business of internet marketing you can make a killing doing that as the world has come to you. Not every kid has to be s star at sports, and many resent being forced to do something that they didn’t enjoy just because they had the talent. Allow your kids to figure out what is meaningful and of interest to them, while helping them to better understand what they can and need to do to protect themselves from the internet’s hijacking of their youth. Help them to understand that they don’t have to have a Facebook page if they are uninterested in the negative comments or the boasting that goes on there. Help them to understand that they are allowed to have feelings and how to healthfully process those feelings – that generally change from moment to moment. Because the truth of the matter is that we don’t need to drug our kids, we need to teach them how to deal with their emotions, how to respect their bodies and their minds and how to find fulfillment in that which interests them. The rest will work itself out if we do that much for them now, while they are still developing.
Apr 25 2016
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 21:12 — 19.4MB)
We all want to be able to slow down and enjoy life, however how many of us actually do it? Here are a few tips on how to actually bring this into your life.
Apr 21 2016
Over the years I have heard of too many of my contemporaries dying early in life. There was a co-worker of my ex-husband’s who died instantly while jet skiing in Florida, age 33. There was the best man of my best friend from college, dying of a brain aneurysm at the age of 33, leaving his wife who was six months pregnant at the time. There was the very artistically talented art model of my ex’s, who died at the age of 44 from breast cancer and there have been three deaths of friends of my current roommate all in the past year of cancer of various sorts all in their early 50’s.
What the hell is going on here, you may ask?
Well, I can tell you what I have learned after reading a ton, watching a ton of webinars and of course studying health and the workings of the mind, by people who think outside the normal allopathic medical way of thinking of health – they are holistic practitioners, some M.D.s. And, lastly from my own experience overcoming both mental health and physical health issues the conventional medical world thought were incurable.
First: Hippocrates was correct in the assertion that food is our medicine. I don’t know any other creature, plant or animal that can live without the appropriate nutrients for its body to function correctly. So, with that in mind think “natural,” as in “from nature” before consuming anything that you may think of as food. I am not a purist when it comes to raw food, though some believe that 51% of your food should be eaten raw so that the heat doesn’t kill the nutritional value. Vitamin C is lost through heating, though I also have heard that broccoli, cauliflower and brussels sprouts are better for you cooked since uncooked they can hinder the function of your thyroid. Cocoa is the most nutritious food there is, so long as it isn’t heated to process while leaving out all the artificial garbage that chocolate is made with. Pure raw honey is also a super food as is algae from the sea. So, eat one item foods, that you recognize for what they are and purchase organic if they don’t have rinds on the fruits and veggies to keep the insecticides away from the consumable part of the plant.
Second: We in our hectic society, with the all consuming technology have done a disservice to ourselves in multiple ways. The first is to stop or minimize our engagement with other people eye-to-eye and soul-to-soul. People were not meant to interact with one another through technology. There are no hugs, no kisses, no human contact in this manner and all too many times much dishonest communication. It’s a bit harder to be dishonest when someone is there right beside you. It is also a bit more difficult to be emotionally harmful to another because you will have to deal with the emotional response that your receive, which isn’t the way it is when someone texts or sends nasty comments through social networks, is it?
Our technology has also gotten in the way of our taking appropriate care of ourselves because it eats up so much time. The best thing you can do if you are a tech head, is to get the hell away from it and get out into nature, interact with the people you say you care about, do some sports or get in front of some great art. Do something that is more connected with our human experience than the false promises from our technology. Your “Facebook friend” most likely knows little about the real you – therefore that is NOT a true relationship on any level. So, stop pretending it is and get out there and engage with people who you can get to know face-to-face for who they truly are, and you they.
Third: How about you give your body some activity? Do you enjoy sports? Did you enjoy sports when you were younger. I am not coordinated and would be the last to be chosen to be on any team. However, even I enjoy swimming, yoga and hiking through beautiful natural enclaves. Nature is there to allow us to realize that there is more to life then sitting in front of a computer, I-pad or I-phone, more than worrying about our small concerns. Instead get us out in nature and in touch with the magnitude of the spirit that is all around us, if we would only take the time to be in it and appreciate it. In so doing, your body will get the activity it craves as your ligaments and tendons are lubricated and your bones are challenged to remain strong and healthy. Your cardiac system will love you as well. Just don’t over do it. Listen to your body.
Fourth: Your relationships: How are your relationships? Do you hang out with people who love and truly support who you are in this world, or people who tell you that you are dreaming and fantasizing? Are you with people who are positive and doing innovative and useful things with their lives, or people who complain about the world and are destructive to themselves and others? The people you spend your time with will dictate the way you feel about yourself, so choose well.
Fifth: Your Career: Are you doing something that you both enjoy and are fulfilled by, or are you doing something to pay the bills and worse, to keep your “status” whatever that means to you? Let me tell you something on this one: I have worked with many people who have had excellent paying jobs, where their jobs were slowly killing them. They were “soul sucking” jobs in some cases. In others, the bosses were threatening and abusive – even bullies in a couple of cases. If you are not in a position at work where you feel fulfilled by the work you are doing, respected and appreciated for your efforts you best ask yourself the hard questions as to why that is so. Then figure out what you need to do to create a work environment that works better with your values and your interests. It could add a few years and even decades to your life.
Sixth: Your home environment: Are you happy where you are living? Do you feel like the community in which you live is conducive to your feeling good about yourself? Do you like the climate, the people, the cultural and sports opportunities that are available to you there? Or, do you feel that you would be happier somewhere else? I have worked with clients with all the money in the world. In one case the client moved across town to be closer to the shops instead of driving over a half hour to get some groceries. In another case, I am working with a family that lives in a very well to do area, and yet, given the traffic, the closeness of the houses, one to the next, and the hectic nature of life there, this particular parent is unhappy in her upscale neighborhood. For another, like me, she is ready to leave the cold and move somewhere a bit warmer for a change. It is totally up to you to create the environment that will work best for you, and if you choose wrong, well, you couldn’t know that unless you try a change. So, make a different move till you find a place that you feel, “at home and at peace.”
Seventh: Spirituality: Hey, I am not a particularly religious person, though I do understand that there is a whole lot about this world that goes beyond my or anyone else’s understanding – the 99% of all what we don’t see or sense with our limited abilities. It is through our understanding of spirituality that we learn how to be grateful for all that we don’t understand, while allowing ourselves to appreciate how little we know. Spiritual practices align us with the energy that created this universe while giving us a bit more respect for what we cannot understand, yet still need to respect as the indigenous peoples’ of the world do. We humans have to take into account our bodies, minds and spirits for true health and wellbeing. Those who haven’t figured that out, are most likely those who are doing damaging things to their minds and bodies. Because, if you realize that you are not alone in this world, even if you sometimes feel like you are, or if you feel that you have to do it all on your own – well, those with a spiritual practice are those who know that there is something more than them that is helping them to deal with whatever it is that they need to deal with. Along with spiritual practice goes meditation, prayer and self-hypnosis – all going to that inner self, looking to the God inside ourselves for the answers that we need to move forward in life. Because as Christ, Buddha and any other faith tradition I know of – we are one with our God, the creator, so why don’t we act more like that and treat ourselves and the other creatures of this planet as this is so, instead of being so damn destructive to anything and anyone including ourselves. Love and respect heals – period.
If were were to put into practice even one or two of these things, you would feel happier, healthy and more contented. This regardless of the normal struggles of living we all have to deal with – which is WHY we need to make the changes to help ourselves be happy, whole and complete. If you are unwilling to do so, don’t be complaining to anyone else – because you are the only one who is responsible for your health and wellbeing – no one else.
Apr 18 2016
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 50:59 — 46.7MB)
Today, we present the second of two interviews with Joel Schwartz from Poach Consulting and Associates. Joel is an all-but-exams clinical psychologist (psychological assistant needing to take the licensing exam) specializing in adults with childhood trauma and children with special needs. Joel talks about the Autism and Asperger’s spectrum and how they perceive the world affects their behavior. if you would like to know more about Joel, you can connect with him at https://www.linkedin.com/in/joel-schwartz-40181614 .
Apr 14 2016
This past weekend I went to a training based on shifting the inner mind from scarcity to abundance. It was an intensive few days. However, what I would like to speak about is a particular woman who just couldn’t respect my boundaries and apparently others as well. I tell you this story so that you can have a better idea of how to deal with these types of situations should they come up in your life.
I am speaking to a gentleman that I met the previous night at the event. I had saved a seat for him and just wanted him to know where it was. He didn’t ask me to do this for him, but I was under the impression, wrongly, that we were going to continue from where we left off the previous day.
Now, as I was speaking to this gentleman, another woman came up and asked me my name and what I did professionally. So, I told her. Next she makes some sort of ignorant useless comment as she writes something on my business card and then she puts her body right between me and the gentleman I was speaking to, blocking me from him. Yes, indeed my buttons were pushed, so I just told him where I was sitting and that when he was done to come over.
Later on that day, this same gentleman introduced me to another gentleman he thought could help me out. This man indeed did have some very important information about where I could make some impressive contacts to help my business grow. As we were speaking, this same woman came up to the two of us and this gentleman did something completely different than the first. He acknowledged her and then told her, that he was busy doing business here and that she was interrupting us. He moved his body in such a way as to turn his back on her, telling her to go away, which she promptly did.
I am at the counter of the cafe at the hotel waiting for my meal. This woman comes up to me again to tell me that my energy was wrong and that I was too chaotic, though she used a different word. She then went on to tell me I was a coach and coaches don’t act in that way. I cut her off telling her that I wasn’t a coach and that I didn’t give a damn what she thought about the way I held myself since I never asked her opinion in the first place. She stalks off pissed off at me. I go back to her as she is waving me off and tell her that she had crossed my boundaries twice already before this time and that my life and my career were none of her business and to keep her thoughts to herself where they belong.
I am in front of the guy who took my meal order when he tells me that this same woman had caused a lot of problems the previous day with other people.
This is what I want you to understand especially if you believe that you are a “healer” a “coach” a “psychic” or a “trainer” – a professional that people pay you a lot of money to work with: If you are not asked for your opinion, for your advise, you have no business giving it – that is unless you have a compliment to give – period! To do otherwise is breaking another’s boundaries . If you are lucky that person will tell you to shut the hell up and to get out of their face and take that for what it means.
Secondly, if you are at a gathering, at a training or a networking event – if you see two or more people are speaking, give them the respect to conduct their business. If you weren’t a known entity before that encounter, you have no business involving yourself at all. It is rude and intrusive to place yourself there, especially if you are a woman who needs the attention of men to make yourself feel good. Look, unless that man knows you and cares about you, throwing yourself at men, is not going to bring you anything of value. What it will do is cheapen whatever it may have been that you could have brought. Because you are showing the lack of self-confidence and lack of self-respect by doing this, especially at a professional event.
You men who love women swooning all over you, check it out as to why this should be anything but a distraction from the best “you” that you can be. Have a bit more respect for yourself and invite the woman to leave your presence in a classy manner as the second gentleman I spoke about was easily able to do, because he had the dignity to do so.
Lastly, if you are a gentleman and you meet a woman who you feel is sexually attractive to you, by all means keep your arms and tongue to yourself. Inside of a 10 minute meeting, a weekend of training or whatever, does not a relationship of this magnitude make. I actually had a guy grab me and shove his tongue down my throat, as if that was going to be a turn on for me. Hell, I am not even interested in dating anyone right now. I have had it with the men my age and older thinking that my world rotates around their issues with their families, their ex’s running off with all their money (even if their ex-spouse did raise their kids for them) and their lack of ability to be the leaders that true men are.
Men, I have no interest in your weaknesses, or your sad stories. God knows I have enough of my own, however, for whatever reason I don’t sit here feeling sorry for myself – hell no. Why? Because of my mission of working toward saving our kids lives – because too many are committing suicide, either quickly with hanging or shooting themselves, or slowly by eating disorders and drug addictions, to be very concerned about whatever the past hurst, illnesses or whatever else I could blame for whatever difficulties I may have had. No, there is no time for that crap. What there is time for is learning from those experiences and helping the young ones to love and respect themselves, while helping them figure out what truly matters to them in this life. That is what matters.
So, get over yourself and your selfish and ill placed agendas, and instead take a clear look at the way the world outside you sees you and your behavior, and by all means respect your own boundaries so you will stop overrunning others boundaries.
Apr 11 2016
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 43:19 — 39.7MB)
Today, we present the first of two interviews with Joel Schwartz from Poach Consulting and Associates. Joel is an all-but-exams clinical psychologist (psychological assistant needing to take the licensing exam) specializing in adults with childhood trauma and children with special needs. Joel talks about the issues with evidence based medicine when it’s applied to psychological treatment and what he believes is wrong with medicine today. if you would like to know more about Joel, you can connect with him at https://www.linkedin.com/in/joel-schwartz-40181614 .
