A couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law passed away. She died from cancer, after it showed up a second time. I knew when my ex, her son, told me that she had fallen down and couldn’t get up, a tumor found on her thigh bumping into a nerve – that the cancer had progressed. This after a tumor was found in her liver a few months ago. About a week after she fell down, she was dead.
There are so many things that I could speak to here, such as the fact that chemotherapy does nothing more than kill the immune system – the opposite of bringing health back. The fact that the usual allopathic treatment kills 97.9% of the people who undergo it because it doesn’t treat the cause of the problem, which is malnutrition of the body due to the crap we humans eat, especially here in the United States where we don’t even know what is in our food. But, that isn’t what this weblog is about. What this weblog is about is the true meaning of “love’ and ‘being interested’ in those we say we love.
So, I was having a conversation with my ex, seeing how he was doing given the death of his mother. He was doing okay. I asked how the memorial service went and he noted that the entire Cushing family was there. She was a Cushing before she married a Zinck. I observed the fact that it was great that these folks could all show up for her memorial service. However, my real question was: How many of these “Cushings” were there for Sandalee as she was going through her chemotherapy treatments? How many were there to do check in phone calls to see how she was doing? How many sent her cards in the old fashioned way to bring a smile to her face? How many visited with her to let them know that they truly gave a damn?
I don’t really know the answer to that question because I wasn’t there and I never spoke to Sandy about what anyone else was doing. Though I do know that she and her sister did indeed spend time together regularly and that her son did indeed visit and call her, and that her daughter and son-in-law did the brunt of the work, both as she was ill and now that she is gone, living in close proximity of her condo.
You see, I have a very simple philosophy of life that goes like this: If you don’t have the time to spend with me while I am alive, I sure as hell don’t want you going out of your way to care about me once I am no longer among the living.
To me loving relationships are loving because you “feel” something in your heart when you think of that person. A loving relationship exists when you stop worrying about all the work you have to get done, because you know, work will always be there anyway. Or, because you have so many other responsibilities in life, because you know, life is complicated and over full these days.
My question to you is simply this: Why are you running around like a lunatic filling your life with activities, instead of filling your life with loving friendships? I have many answers for this particular question based on 30 plus years in the mental health field – and my guess is, that if you are conscious at all, you too know why you run away from yourself and anything that truly matters in running these addictive behaviors – no matter what you may want to believe they stand for.
Look, I have been to the poorest areas of Kenya and Uganda and the one thing that I can tell you about the people over there is that though they may not have much materially, they have more then the average American does in that which makes life on this planet earth worth living. They have loving and caring relationships with their family and their communities based on the fact that if they didn’t, they would not be able to survive.
So, if you are lucky enough to have people in your life that you say you love, why in the hell don’t you actually demonstrate it NOW while you have the chance, instead of waiting till they are dead and going to their funeral – which you know is put together for you, not the dead – so that you can heal yourself in regard to that particular relationship.
I don’t need anyone at my funeral and so I am not going to have one – at least if those who are given my directives do as I request. Once I am dead, I won’t have a whole lot to say over the issue. All we can do is let it be known what we desire.
Because, this is my truth: From too many years of watching people emotionally and physically and even sexually abuse those they say they love: Love doesn’t hurt, love heals. But,in order to truly love someone, you need to be present, in the moment with a caring heart and an interested mind – otherwise you are fooling yourself.
If you are one of the many who has a ton of acquaintances and feel alone in the world, perhaps this is the reason. You are so involved in your day-to-day existence there is no time or thought put into being present for anyone else. And, maybe the reason that is so, is because you are busy running away from the stories you tell yourself about how you are “unlovable.” If this is you, there are people such as myself here to help you overcome that misdirected thought – and that is your responsibility to get handled.
If you are lucky enough to have a family, a family that you believe that you care about, its high time you put the time and effort into unconditionally loving them, helping your kids learn what it means to be a responsible caring citizen of this world. And, if you aren’t up for that, perhaps you can stop speaking to your kid and start listening to them, because the younger they are the more wonderful their idealism and curiosity. And, who knows, you may learn something that you find more important than most of the schools of higher education would teach you, if you would only listen and learn from them.
So, do you care if anyone shows up at your funeral? Maybe you do. My hope is that I gave you a different take from what one normally gets from this new perspective on what truly matters in this world and why, at least according to my philosophy on the subject.
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms for the Mind and Soul is a book of essays based on the wisdom gained through those who have touched me through my own journey in life. Purchase an inspiring copy today from the Dawning Visions Hypnosis Store.Learnings From My Journey: Suzannisms For the Mind and Soul
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